Thank you so much for sharing, LadyMacbeth, coppelia & kittenfluffies
kittenfluffies- it's making so much sense to me now. At age 12 I started obsessing about my weight & it turned into bulimia at age 15. It was on & off until about age 22 (the anorexic tendencies, even though my weight never did go much below the low end of my height & weight range, and also the bulimia), then I somewhat got a grip on it. There were a few years in my 20s when it turned into compulsive overeating, and I looking back, I do think there was a false sense of security there because it was more socially acceptable, especially here in the US where many people are overweight (though the weightism is certainly still here). I'm 35 now, and my weight has been stable for about 3 1/2 years, I've learned to mostly channel the anxiety into martial arts, yoga, walking and other kinds of physical activity, also journaling helps, but the obsessive & compulsive stuff is *still* there, just in other ways. Every now & again I still fall back on the eating disordered behaviors and thoughts, not enough to meet the diagnostic criteria anymore, but enough that I know it's a problem. Wow, I can totally, totally see now how the not being able to express yourself and the ocd can come out through disordered eating. Holy Cow.