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CockneyRebel
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02 Oct 2007, 5:48 pm

I show my love by hugging.


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Age1600
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02 Oct 2007, 6:35 pm

I use to show love by hitting, or biting, or bear hugs... Um, well actually I still do show love by that haha... I've been with my NT boyfriend for almost 2 years and still haven't said the i love you words to him, still won't hold his hands, still will rarely give him hugs, I occasionally just use his lap as my seat haha, or if hes on the ground picking something up, ill jump on his back, for a free horsey ride lol, i swear I have a 3 year old stuck inside of me, the only time hes guarenteed affection is if he squats down to the ground, then ill run right over to him haha, don't ask me why! Other then that showing love is sooo hard.


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Marilyn
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02 Oct 2007, 8:07 pm

In answer to some questions, yes we are both in school, but we're both in our mid-twenties. I do know that school is an all consuming force in his life though.

And yes, I do verbally tell him I love him. He just smiles and says "thank-you"



Age1600
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02 Oct 2007, 8:09 pm

Marilyn wrote:
In answer to some questions, yes we are both in school, but we're both in our mid-twenties. I do know that school is an all consuming force in his life though.

And yes, I do verbally tell him I love him. He just smiles and says "thank-you"


When my boyfriend says i love you to me, i tell him hes weird haha. The little things are what count the most, when showing love, like hugging you can be a big thing, or texting u to say can be another way... I know thats why my NT boyfriend sticks with me for the little things!


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Shadowbound
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02 Oct 2007, 8:35 pm

I Hugs has I loved being hugged myself.



Brittany2907
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02 Oct 2007, 9:07 pm

Graelwyn wrote:
With me, I can feel most overwhelming love, but saying anything love related at the time I am feeling it and to the person I feel it for, is like something getting trapped in my throat.


I feel like this to...just as explained by Graelwyn.


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BlueMax
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02 Oct 2007, 9:22 pm

Joybob wrote:
I personally have concluded that love is just a base biological instinct. I certainly wouldn't express it.


That's the problem a lot of people have... that initial chemistry / emotion "infatuation" where you're floating on Cloud Nine. That never lasts.

Part of "Love" is the conscious choice to continuously be with and please your partner, even when the magical feeling dissipates. That's why most couples break up... "I just don't feel in love anymore." Well DUH! Love isn't what TV says it is!



Joybob
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02 Oct 2007, 9:28 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Joybob wrote:
I personally have concluded that love is just a base biological instinct. I certainly wouldn't express it.


That's the problem a lot of people have... that initial chemistry / emotion "infatuation" where you're floating on Cloud Nine. That never lasts.

Part of "Love" is the conscious choice to continuously be with and please your partner, even when the magical feeling dissipates. That's why most couples break up... "I just don't feel in love anymore." Well DUH! Love isn't what TV says it is!


Then why keep calling it love? Why not be honest and say, 'hey I enjoy having you in close proximity' or 'hey, you piss me off less than most people'.



2ukenkerl
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02 Oct 2007, 10:15 pm

Age1600 wrote:
I use to show love by hitting, or biting, or bear hugs... Um, well actually I still do show love by that haha... I've been with my NT boyfriend for almost 2 years and still haven't said the i love you words to him, still won't hold his hands, still will rarely give him hugs, I occasionally just use his lap as my seat haha, or if hes on the ground picking something up, ill jump on his back, for a free horsey ride lol, i swear I have a 3 year old stuck inside of me, the only time hes guarenteed affection is if he squats down to the ground, then ill run right over to him haha, don't ask me why! Other then that showing love is sooo hard.


A LOT of amorous females act like you!(Outside of the hiting/biting) And the "I love you" bit is probably appreciated by males, but not as required as females do. The other actions may be just as well appreciated by him. YEAH, odd I know. It is funny how some females seem to have an almost girlish attitude, not in expectations or bad emotions, but in actions. Like you said, it is like they never grew up. Frankly, I think that is nice. Don't ask me why.



CeriseLy
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02 Oct 2007, 11:38 pm

How about I think you are kind of a jerk to me but I want to gobble you up like chicken marsala?



woodsman25
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03 Oct 2007, 7:22 am

I have had a GF for a while now, maby a few mounths and have yet to even express verbally that I love her, let alone show it. I invite her over, we hang out, but indeed, I feel often I treat her like a friend, its a problem and, well... i have a hard time with feelings, like any guy for the most part, its something i need to work on, its a big problem im sure she knows I like her, but one really needs to say it and show it.


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03 Oct 2007, 8:42 am

Marilyn wrote:
I am NT but my boyfriend has AS. I'm completely in love with him and i let him know, but he has yet to verbally express his feelings for me.

He does lots of sweet things for me but never once has he ever said that he loves me or cares about me or that i mean anything to him.
It's been 6 months and normally that's enough time to buid an emotional feeling towards someone.

I try to be happy with how amazing he is in every other respect but, sometimes I'm a silly girl who just needs to hear some silly words of love.

How do you express love? Is that normal that he hasn't expressed any feeling towards me?
How can I help him to communicate his feelings without feeling like I'm attacking him?


Me? Primarily through physical closeness... I can help you, pm me.



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03 Oct 2007, 1:35 pm

This post really got me confused.. How do I express love? Although I am diagnosed with Aspergers I do have easier to express myself verbally about love. I know that I mean what I say. Besides this I want to hug the person I love, I hate hugs otherwise, body contact usually makes me irritated. My husband shows love by being practical and I do not understand those things at all, I must admit. Like the fact that he light a fire so I would not be cold.. I always thinks that he is freezing when he does things like that.... I just do not get it.. But I guess that is because I just do things that I want since I do not know what anybody else wants...

I really do not know what to answer.. I am really confused right now...

/Anna



Kitsy
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03 Oct 2007, 1:44 pm

I can show love but I only say I love you if someone says it first. Hugs are fine unless someone unexpectedly comes up behind me and hugs me or while I am engaged in activities that need focus and someone just unexpectedly hugs me. I don't get into lengthy discussions on the topic like how some people act as if they are exchanging wedding vows on romantic occasions.



DoctorJest
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03 Oct 2007, 2:00 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Joybob wrote:
I personally have concluded that love is just a base biological instinct. I certainly wouldn't express it.


That's the problem a lot of people have... that initial chemistry / emotion "infatuation" where you're floating on Cloud Nine. That never lasts.

Part of "Love" is the conscious choice to continuously be with and please your partner, even when the magical feeling dissipates. That's why most couples break up... "I just don't feel in love anymore." Well DUH! Love isn't what TV says it is!


[what I am about to discuss here is based on my acquired knowledge of neuroscience, which is one of my current interests. despite my nickname I am not an actual doctor. Caveat Lector]

Actually, the first stage, what you call the "infatuation" stage is what is called Physical Bonding. It involves elevated levels of endorphines, vasopresin, and other feel good chemicals, along with heightened levels of sex-based hormones like testosterone based on superficial attractiveness and "chemistry" between two people. You are correct, this stage never lasts.

However, the second stage of what people generally call "love" isn't really a conscious choice. It's caused by the development of Neurochemical Bonds involving a large number of neurotransmitters, such as seratonin and dopamine. What you perceive as a conscious choice is a rational justification for a hormonal reaction. These bonds tend to be relatively long lasting, and can persist for years. Pair bonding is only one kind of neurochemical bonding. Familial bonds are also neurochemical bonds.

The interesting thing is, the chemicals that are most likely to cause the "infatuation" stage, the Physical Bond, such as testosterone are supressed when neurochemical bonds are formed.



samtoo
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03 Oct 2007, 2:30 pm

Humour... gets the ball rolling. It's a goldmine humour is.


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