Forgiving People Who Picked On You As A Child

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I forgive them!

For as long as I knew them, NONE of the bullies who picked on me changed their ways. Right up yo the very moment I lost contact with them they were all dicks. I never once saw any of them go trough a change of character.

I'm older now and I've done something more fitting about these bullies. I haven't forgiven them. I've FORGOTTEN them. They may have really hurt and humiliated me in the past. But now that I'm an adult, I take some comfort that Karma is real and they're getting what's coming to them.

Karma is real.

I don't believe in forgiveness, at least not in the way most people define it. My definition is different from the theirs. I define forgiveness as accepting the fact that you're too powerless to take revenge on the people who did you wrong. So in that sense, I did forgive my childhood bullies: after all, I have no idea where they are, how their life is now, and what they're afraid of. But in the traditional sense, I never forgave my childhood bullies, and have no intention of doing it in at any point in my lifetime. Instead, I just try to block out those memories from my consciousness, and move on with my life.

Although I don't remember much of it - and less about the people involved - I've been bullied hardest around age 8-11. I don't remember much of that time, a few impressions, less details and next to nothing about the people. But yesterday there was a reunion of that primary school class that had been so hard on me and I decided to go, out of curiosity mostly. I still don't remember anyone from that time, but some admitted they had had a part in the bullying and regretted it. And that was good to hear.

I went on a mission very early in life to let some people know what pieces of s*** they were.

I lived with my mom until I was 16. She was extremely passive and didn't believe in any kind of violence, even if someone is beating your self-esteem to a bloody pulp, which is just BS to me.

In my life there were more random passer-by type people who scarred me, than people I went to school with. Mostly because it always ate at me that I'd never see them again, and there was nothing I could do about it. But the two people who really stuck out in my mind back in middle school... funny thing is, after this transitional period I had, I started taking control of my life and told both of these people that they'd screwed me up royally, and that they need to apologize. I made nice with both of them, it never happened again, and one of them I actually DATED.

My favorite option though, which became an option when I moved in with my dad at 16, was flat out kicking some a**. Works every time.

Nobody was ever even half as hard on me as I was on myself. I never had to deal with harsh bullying. I usually did have *some* friends in school, and eventually I had friends out of school. Many of them engaged me on my positive traits and took up for me, even if they weren't motivated to reach out to me or hang out with me.

Today I am in touch with none of them.

I don't play the reciprocity game very well, and I was mostly tolerated but left alone. There's really nothing to forgive. I wish them well. I suppose that if they think of me at all, they remember my better nature, my less pleasant traits, and abstractly wish me well in return.

I've lost contact with them. They're not a part of my life anymore, and that's close enough to reconciliation for me. Plus, two of them got in serious (unrelated) car accidents in which one was killed and the other lost his dad and was left paralyzed. So how can I stay mad?

for me forgiveness is a process, and it is a very special one, that can lead, if we are fortunate enough to freedom. Owning our Anger is essential in working through the shame that can hold us all hostage. i have and continue to agonize over these issues.

Travel gently all of you

I only had one incident that seemed to the social world as being picked on and that came from my aspieness where in the first day of French class we were asked if we had spoken any french during the summer and when no one answered, I raised my hand and said my hotel was French owned so the room service operator spoke French. Someone seated next to me and became my friend that year told me that she groaned and knew I was going to get it for that. Uh oh. I think some girls just made comments to me and then a few months later, one of the girls publicly apologized to me in front of the whole class before the teacher showed up. You know, I didn't feel anything when she apologized and I didn't feel anything when they were giving me the business. I think she needed to apologize for her own peace of mind because her mother was a successful business woman who was grooming her. That memory is just a shrug to me. But I do remember that she looked at me the same way perceptive strangers looked at me before they start being really nice to me.

I dip into the file cabinet of my mother's behavior because it is relevant to my future and I need to remember and understand the degree of my brother's denial because I cannot be complicit in my mother's feeding not because she controls me with resentment.

I've been bullied by so many adults in the past ten years that I almost forgot about my childhood bullies.

I moved away from my home town when I was 17 and plan to never go back. However, most of the kids who bullied me were from rich families and now live in NYC or LA. They're all "successful"--make lots of money, have impressive-sounding jobs. But they have TERRIBLE taste in music. I take comfort in knowing that even though I'm working menial jobs, at least my taste in music is better than theirs.

Aside from that knowledge, I don't think about them anymore. I assume they probably got what was coming to them. Superficial people can only attain superficial happiness, at best. If I found out one of them had changed and become a better person, I would forgive them.

When I was in elementary school, most of the kids who bullied me were fat girls. I guess they were taking out their insecurities on me because I was weird and skinny. It's the bullies who were beautiful, rich, and popular who are the hardest to forgive.

Hmm. I tend to have had good experiences with pretty people and richer people and JEWS lol I wish my name was Davita and I got to attend yeshiva. I have problems with out of towners who get angry that they can't afford mcmansions in NYC and I guess outside of Yankee central, Jews have warped into Americanized bananas without any trace of mensch or tzaddick tendencies. But you know come to think of it, one dingdong probably did figure out I was an aspie from talking to me. WOW. That means he really is meant to be a doctor. Too bad he wasn't in med school yet when he dicked me over. No noblesse oblige in sight!

soccerfreak, you remind me of that Lily Allen song "Smile"

I deserved it.