The wall up between me and other people.

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Sometimes I feel a wall with me, too.

Tim

I've felt that way all my life. Still do. But I've never let it bother me, and it shouldn't bother you.
Be yourself.

There are other people with walls around them, and the walls come and go, and sometimes, the walls are a good thing.

Not saying hide, or be antisocial, or anything like that. But I've been AS all my life, and I'm not young, and that wall has always been there. I'm lucky. Occasionally, it's not as thick as on other days.


Btdt

I've always felt behind a wall of sorts. I'll explain:

It can be compared to sitting in a glass prison cell. At first it was one-way mirrored glass; that is, I could see out, but others couldn't see in; they didn't acknowledge my presence or communicate with me.

Gradually, the glass became transparent. I could see out, and they, in. I could communicate with the outside world, but it was flawed; while I could, say, enjoy a (limited) conversation, it was still imperfect; I could only enjoy superficial relationships. I was still trapped behind my impenetrable walls of glass.

The walls later changed again, and became less restrictive again. Now, there were holes in the wall, the kind you see in bank tellers' booths that let people on either side of the bullet-proof glass talk to each other. It was then possible to communicate with the outside world more effectively then ever before. I had unprecedented social freedom; I reveled in conversation, and made many new friends (I'm still rather extroverted and gregarious.)

And that is the current state of my "cell": I can speak to the people outside, but I cannot leave my walls; I am still trapped inside. I'm still growing socially, though; and I long for the day when either the walls shatter on their own, or I break them, or someone else comes and breaks them.

Yes, I've definitely felt trapped behind social walls before. I know exactly what you mean.

That's exactly how it feels! And even when I manage to break through the wall, it doesn't feel natural. I always imagine that everyone else is a liquid like water, just flowing right through barriers, but I'm more of a solid and I scrape all over the place when I try to get through...but I do succeed sometimes!

A lot of very good descriptions have been posted here. Even before I knew I had AS I felt as if a barrier existed around me as well. There was a short time when the barrier somehow seemed to almost dissolve but, in time, it regenerated itself back to where it was before. I don’t know how I got to where things started to get almost normal but I’d like to get back there. Not a perfect world but it was much better and I was happy.
Some seem to think that AS/autism is some kind of gift. Try as I might I cannot get into that mindset and I don’t even want to think that way.
AS is a curse!

I've always felt more like I was behind a tall, electrified barbed wire fence, and the NT's were all strutting around outside of it toting rifles with bayonets on the ends.