On the guilt of failing to act NT

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Hmmm...I lose alot of things. Jobs, husbands, boyfriends, moments....well, I didn't really lose them, but when I go back there, there's a different girl doing them....

I don't actually feel guilty when these things create gaps in me. It's worse seeing the look on my husband's face when I've screwed it up again. Then I have to listen to the lecture about why can't I just act like everyone else, why do I have to be so damn weird...? So, it's really more of a dread that once again the AS was misunderstood.

Sometimes I kick myself for it. Why can't I? But then I remember how hard I fought to be here and then I just get mad that other people are so stupid. I get so angry that the world is built for cookie cutter people and I get irritated that they laugh because I'm different. Then I start laughing because they're all the same.

I don't deal with it. Don't let me fool you. I usually end up in meltdown mode for a couple of weeks and then I crawl out into daylight and start thinking about getting a new whatever.

Yep, I can totally relate. I read lab pet's post and felt so sad because I have also had the experience of people wanting me for a 5 - minute novelty, but not a true friend.
I am trying now to be me and not feel guilty because other people can't accept that I am a wonderful, worthwhile person who is doing the best she can. (Which is often more than I can say for them)

I'm in my thirties, and I'm so relieved to finally know what is going on with me.
I will continue to try and behave "normally" when necessary, but at least now I won't be beating myself up when it doesn't work out.
I am definitely NOT looking for an excuse, but it would be nice if there was an increased awareness of Asperger's. That way, if I did tell someone about it (I haven't so far), I would only have to say the word, and not explain it as well.

When it affect my 3 year old son, because he cannot understand why Daddy gets into these moods sometimes.

When it effects my wife, even though she does know, because sometimes I hurt her feelings when I get in one of my moods.

Romantic partners I have felt guilty over, because I knew that the way I acted hurt them.

As far as the rest goes, I cannot say I feel guilty about them.

Friends come and go, and there have been a few I felt sad over losing, but not guilty.

Jobs, luckily it has been a long time since I lost a job and I never felt guilty over losing one. I have always tended to work in jobs that expects a little weirdness and or tempermentalness. First as a cook/kitchen manager and now as a computer geek. My weirdness in these professions has not worked against me.

The most awful disorder is others not appreciating aspies for who they are and what they can do; along with trying to make everyone be alike. Why is it that we don't get labeled as being "unique?" Instead get bullied throughout our whole life because we're "different."

Even though I am young, I have experienced the pain of losing someone I was in love with because of a social faux pas I committed. I've grieved over it for years and I've just recently begun to heal.

HA! I was a cook/chef for 22 years and 20 years a computer geek. I agree that weirdness in those professions does not work against you!
You have to be completely naive or terminally strange to be either.

Merle

Have you ever heard that, Life is not fair! It is an NT saying. and the reply is, Deal with it!

They cannot read you. That is the problem for them. such simple minds. We over read them, dumb Aspie, Dumb!

LabPet had the same problem when she went out to eat alone, and sat with a note book making notes. They sent a waiter over to distract her as they got the illegal Chinese slaves unchained in the kitchen, and move things that were not right into the ally. She had to be Board of Health. She looks the part. She admits to counting the light fixtures. People notice these things, and it brings a response.

Two big guys in cheap suits go into a bar, several people go to the rest room, and slip out the back door, got to be cops. They drink their beer, call for the check, and the bar keep puts an envelope with $500 under a napkin.

I told LabPet to mention to the waiter that she worked in an STD Clinic, and he would see her as a useful person.

It is guilt they are responding to, and they come across as guilty, they are up to something. Sales clerks know what a store detective looks like, it is universal. They will be over friendly, or act like your coworkers.

You might be checking up on them and their Palistinian boyfriend, Shen Bet? Who knows, Jewish girls go for forbidden fruit, I read it in a book. I found it to be true in New York.

So when they act strange toward you, take out a little notebook, black with a little pencil, you know the type, and jot down, Buy Mustard, then put it away. An hour later, add, Corn beef, then later, dark rye. Put it in your purse, walk to the rest room, count to ten, and come back fast. If they are not going through your purse, where you have them cold, take the notebook, and go back to the rest room. They will not want to find out.

Life is not fair, play.

I discovered this AS stuff at 60, I learned how to trap long before.

We make them uncomfortable, and the harder we try, the more they are sure we are on to them. Their house is full of office supplies, who buys paper clips? They are testing, give them worries.

They have very limited responses, worried they are well behaved.

Who should feel guilty? They are playing the part. When they start acting friendly is when you should not trust them. When they come sit at your table, get up and leave, do not explain, just go. One will talk to you while another goes through your desk.

No matter what the game, play defense or lose. They are being offensive, I know a Yiddish word for girls liike that.

Your life, your job, play to win. If they hate you, what have you lost?

You are a sweet and lovable person, well liked on WP, you are kind and understanding, get over it.

With men I say, OK lets slam foreheads till only one of us is standing. They were not looking for a fair fight, they change real sudden, no cheap shots walk here, butt heads or walk away.

Treat them like people,
they act like dogs,
treat them like dogs,
they act like well behaved dogs.

Inventor

reading this makes me feel like i've been punched in the stomach. twice.