I am now feeling suicidal. Here's why:

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LabPet, been there. It's been a long time, I'll admit, but I was there. I felt much the same way you do, though I never lost hope. I once had a friend who would only be my friend in secret, and this friend also happened to be my cousin. We had been close since we were babies, but in junior high something changed. She said she didn't want people to know we were related and she hated sharing a last name with me because I was "ruining her rep". I was crushed! I always took an automatic back seat to everyone, and I mostly accepted that. I got picked on mercilessly by my own family (aunts and cousins) because I had sensory issues and would wear shorts in winter, I hated getting water splashd on me and I loved cats. Eventually the constant humiliation both at home and in school forced me to become "NT" enough to fit in. The older I get, the more accepting people are.

Now I have a very normal life, a decent circle of good friends, a loving husband and two awesome ASD kids. I'm about to graduate college, I have a great deal of good in my life and I am pretty happy, relatively. My cousin, by contrast, is alone and working several jobs to support her two kids with different fathers who want nothing to do with her. She still hangs out in bars hoping to find Mr. Right, and never does. Makes me feel like people reap what they sow. I'm not happy that her life sucks, I'm just saying that people who don't care about others often find that others don't care about them.

Don't give up on you. You're the most important person in your life! Don't judge your self-worth by these interactions you have. I enjoy your posts here and think you're a pretty cool person. I, for one, would feel really bad if anything happened to you - especially for this reason. It'd make me a heck of a lot happier if you stuck around here. I know, who am I, right? Well, a fellow aspie who cares about you, someone who has been down that road and can tell you it can get better.

Labpet, I can relate, but I am so sorry you are going through this.

Not sure what else to say,

hugs

Hi LabPet,

I know what you're going through as I have been there before. It is very difficult to cope with depression when AS sometimes makes us feel so alone and frustrated with NT behaviour. I am sorry you are feeling so low, it must be depressing in Alaska right now, its bad enough here in Ireland. You should try to remember that things can and probably will get better for you. You sound like a very nice person and we need more nice people in the world not less. As has been suggested, try to find an interest outside of work because I know that when my whole life revolves around my work and that work becomes unsatisfactory in some way, then it can feel really terrible. Find something that gives you pleasure. I hope you start to feel better and I would give you a hug too but I don't like hugs.

Briain

Big hug and warm wishes to Labpet. Remember that innocence, uniqueness and the ability to think past what the majority sees is a gift. I understand your feelings and some days the bad bits outweigh the good just try to focus on the good.

(((LabPet))) from 9CatMom and all her cats-and her dog, too!

Hi LabPet, I'm, sorry to hear the people around you are so bad, I know from experience how hurtful this 'kindness' that just looks down on you is, this 'generosity' of condescending to socialise with you. I wish I could give you a recipe to find better people and connect with them, but I don't have any answers. Just remember that there are people on WP that don't look down on you but feel real sympathy instead.

I hope you find a good mentor, but please do not beg - it is bad for you at many levels, and is more likely to put good mentors off than to persuade them to take you.

*hug from a physical chemist*

Waiting to hear that you are doing okay Labpet!

Give a quick hello when you can!

LabPet, what you describe is exactly what they do to me. They're all nice to me in private, but when there are other people around they are nasty to me, so others won't think they actually like me. I've gotten used to it, and nowadays I know I have 2 relationships with each person: one when we're alone, another when there are others around. Even my only acquaintance will only go out with me to restaurants where she knows we won't meet anyone she knows. What hurts the most is having to pretend that I don't notice.

LabPet,
I have been there once.
Please get past this.
We know you will.

XO