ouinon wrote:
...the trouble is that am always deconstructing, dismantling, existing systems/structures, disintegrating the apparent "have-to"s etc, and then finding myself with no convincing reason to do anything, ( except minimum of motherhood and basic physical needs etc );when i was younger there were still structures which propped me up, but as time's passed i have demolished more and more of them, " seen through" them, dismissed them , and am now without anything but the bare min for getting by. I trashed most of the reasons most people do things. How to reconvince myself that there is a point to doing this or that?
Was wondering whether actually it is the other way round; whether i have, in typically aspie style of bringing logic to a situation, rationalised my inertia, its sheer illogicality when need to get things done, by dismantling, removing, any reason why in fact i SHOULD be doing anything. Espousing all reasonable arguments for doing nothing ( there is no point because ... etc) because otherwise my own unsurmountable inertia is too illogical to bear.
It was too extreme a cognitive dissonance to live with, and so i found a way to make it alright ( less awful) ; "there is no point in doing most things anyway !".
If i wasn't so disabled by inertia i might feel very differently about most things ???! !
PS: so actually i HAVE already been "dealing with" my inertia, by justifying it, making it seem less appalling. Disguising it to myself and (some) others. But it doesn't work all the time. I see the tip of the iceberg, some of the things i really should/could be doing if didn't have this. And it hurts.