Do you always realise it if you're insulted?

Post Reply New Topic

Got better at it with age, but my main problem is why people are always talking behind others backs. I'm so used to saying something if I'm mad, that when people say "he really pisses me off" for whatever reason, then doesn't tell the guy. I realised this the older I got, definately. At first my naivity led me to believe it to be folks trying to engage me in conversation.

Friends know to be careful what they say to me, because if I don't see it as a joke, I react quite badly to it. Most of the time, I can see a joke for what it is, and take it, because they are usually pointed toward the suspect nature of my sanity, or the distinct lack of short term memory.

Considering sarcasm is prevalent in my sense of humour, I have problems noticing others, even those I know are as bad as me. Then you have the following problem, they sound sarcastic, but are they reacting normally? In a regular situation, people, myself included, sound serious and are being sarcastic.

So to answer the question made by the OP, most of the time.

I usually know when I'm being insulted, but only recently have I gotten good at distinguishing joking from insulting.

It took me years to figure out the difference between a "veiled" insult and a statement. I always take things very literally, even knowing that my inclination to do so is probably incorrect - it's generally only in retrospect that I realize that someone has tried to stick a rather pointy barb in me --- sometimes this has been to my advantage, simply because my entirely innocent response to a subtly damning comment has undermined its intended effect.

Forgive the explicitness of this (and if sexual references offend, then please stop reading now) but many years ago I went to see a movie in a theater, and got rather excited by the imagery in a way that was likely obvious to any focused observer. A few days later, I was confronted by some high-school peers, one of whom asked in a blunt and leading manner if I had "enjoyed" the movie. Oblivious to the humiliating undertone of his statement, my straightforward response was "yeah, it was OK" (I recall being fairly dismissive, because aside from the naughty bits, the movie had been dull).

The fact that his tone/expression clearly indicated that he'd witnessed my public "gyrations" over those particular naughty bits was entirely lost on me, and I suspect his associates' response was "well, he didn't seem upset/embarrassed by your comment, so you are probably making that story up in an effort to gain favor with the group..." And regardless of what really happened, an innocent/ignorant response was the best possible thing in that scenario.

So, no, generally I do not recognize that I'm being insulted when it happens. The "Ah Ha" moment occurs later (usually accompanied by a wonderfully appropriate intellectual retort that I'll never get to use).

Like everyone else with AS, I don't do this stuff in real-time, and I regret missing out on the subtle cues that would make me better at dealing with it 98% of the time. But occasionally, very occasionally, something happens that makes me happy that my innocent/ignorant response was what I came up with, and I managed inadvertently to make my inquisitors look like fools

Nick

Sometimes. I tend to take compliments as insults...

I'm pretty sure that it is still hard to tell if someone is insulting me. Like IronicChef said, I've actually come out ahead in a potentially insulting situation, simply because I didn't know that I was being baited. I once had a neighbor try to insult me. I don't clearly remember my response, but I, in turn, gave her the impression that I was flattered that she had taken the trouble to come and welcome me to the neighborhood, because I couldn't see how some one would take the trouble to visit me, otherwise.

Yes, i've had this too, like Hartzofspace too, and it is VERY satisfying ! ! The perfect riposte occurring by aspie-accident.
Brilliant when it happens!!

Bit like The Fool in the Tarot cards is supposed to have unexpected powers and wisdoms!!

Before I learned about AS,I think I was oblivious to veiled insults and deluded
myself into believing that most adults are above that sort of thing.Now I know the
extent of my differences to others,I'm always on the look out for signs that they're
having a dig at me ! I try to keep an open mind and not become paranoid.

I tend to counter by being annoyingly polite and nice, and 'taking ownership' of an insult, so that I have control over it. That being said, it's mainly if I catch it first...

I just tend to see the good in everyone at first, so often I have no idea I've been insulted. There was an instance in school, which lasted for ages; I had absolutely know idea I was being mocked.

nah, in fact, we had a troll on one of the forums that posted an exclamation point picture that said "owned", and I didn't even realize it was a troll at first. I responded "lol, yes-I have been owned... by the way, isn't it supposed to be pwned?"

It wasn't until later that I even realized it was a troll at all, not until I started seeing it in the other posts.

There are a lot of times I'll just kind of look at someone if I'm unsure, and they will have to tell me whether or not it is a joke or insult, and by then, either has lost it's humor for both me and them because it had to be explained, lol.

I don't know. I'm confused.

Edit: not confused anymore...

Last edited by SilverProteus on 25 Nov 2007, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was the opposite. I always suspected people were insulting me even when they weren't.

Sometimes I don't realize I've been insulted until years later.

I don't expect to be insulted and I'm never prepared for it when it comes. Most of the time, it doesn't sink in that I've been insulted until I'm away from the situation and go over it in my mind. I try very hard not to insult anyone or to hurt anyone's feelings. When and if it does happen, I feel terrible and apologize to whomever I've offended. Contrarily, I rarely have anyone come to me and say "I'm sorry if I've insulted you, I didn't mean to". I guess those people either don't know they've insulted me, or don't care.

Yes, I always know when I am being insulted.

Haha, me too!

WOW, he noticed! I guess he was (ahem...) focused!

Oh well, THAT is why I tried to desensitize myself a bit prior to going to a boarding school. Still, you can get caught off guard, etc... You would think other's, even if they happened to notice, would keep quiet. Females may not understand everything about it, and males could come off as truly interested. And what is truly to be gained by it?