Trouble Doing Stuff?

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks for your insight. There is definitely something in what you are saying that strikes a chord with me. But I can't figure out what it is yet. I'm going have to give your input some more consideration. I think it might have something to do with 'gestalt' and my being unable to escape the bigger picture whenever I contemplate a task. Which makes me great at general problem solving, but hopeless at some relatively minor tasks.

For instance, I think that perhaps I often avoid washing the dishes because I become too aware of every minute detail of the process. The task thus becomes enormous in my mind. And I also know that once I've done them, I will only have to repeat the process later on. And also since I've started, I will expect myself to undertake various other chores too. The cumulative effect of which is entirely overwhelming, as you say.

I'm also thinking that perhaps I won't start an essay because I'm overly aware of the entirety of the process I will have to go through, and my consciousness of that process (and its 'consequences', and the esteem that hinges on it, and the fact that another essay will need to be completed later, ad infinitum) obscures my ability to actually 'let it happen'. I end up trying to hide from this huge great monster that my mind has generated to represent what was ostensibly an individual 15 hour project.

Perhaps micro-management is the way to circumvent some of this. Creating banal routines and step-by-step checklists to 'mindlessly follow', as you say. I wonder if this will allow me to detach the powerful emotional component that asserts itself whenever I contemplate one of these tasks that I usually find so difficult?

I actually made a thread about this kind of thing under "school and college life", about how I have to request disability accommodations from my college, but I'm not quite sure what to request...

Basically it takes me absolutely forever to write essays/papers, like it takes so long for each sentence to work its way through my brain. And I can't really do "drafts" or "outlines" either - each complete sentence comes out as it's written.

The finished product isn't too bad, and gets decent grades, but it really sucks when we're supposed to follow the "writing method" the professor assigns, and we're graded on how much we do draft to draft...

All the time.

This is so true for me as well.

I have an exam that has to be handed in on Thursday before 2pm (electronically) and before noon (paper version) and I haven't started, We've had two weeks + till now. I'm currently visiting my husband in Denmark (he studies there) and thought I might as well be there doing the exam instead of sitting at home...

I would describe it as I can't seem to get anything done until the consequences of not doing it outweigh whatever is causing the block. I have been trying to figure out what exactly makes it hard.

A recent example:
I love sushi and have gone to a few sushi restaurants in the area. I had found a new one, but for some unknown reason every time I was driving by and though of stopping there I felt dread as I approached. I tried to stop by about half a dozen times, either just on passing or actually prepared to stop before I left the house. None of those attempts worked. It is extremely frustrating because I don't have a clue as to why I could not get myself to stop there. I had done so by myself at other sushi places.

Somehow that had come up in my visit with my psychologist and she gave me that as one of my assignments. I tried for several weeks and felt guiltier and guiltier about not doing it. One week I had neglected to do any of my assignments in favor of hiding away at home and felt guilty and ashamed that I would be going to session without any progress. That dread of going to session empty handed overwhelmed the dread of going to the sushi place, so I went.

When I got inside, pretty much all the stress disappeared and I felt so foolish for having let that stress me out so much.
I still don't really understand it.

I do a similar thing with my school papers. I stress and worry about them for days. I might be able to do a bit of research, but am unable to write until crunch time comes. Then the pressure builds up until I reach the point where facing the paper is less dreadful than not turning in a paper. Then writing the paper becomes fairly easy and I feel foolish for having so much trouble with it.

I really got to learn to give myself a break, but I have trouble listening to myself. I know me too well.

Yes, I like the way you describe it. That is exactly how I feel. And I seem to have evolved a mechanism to make the consequences worse by using the guilt to totally traumatise myself to the point that, as you say, the fear that is stopping me is no longer as powerful as the guilt/trauma. And of course, it's always fairly easy once past that stage.

I'd just love to be able to get a grip on this and stop whatever is causing the initial fear (or whatever it is!?).

Yes, again... that's exactly what I've experienced. Well, not specifically with a sushi restaurant. But getting blocked on things, and only pushing past the block when there's something else I'm more afraid of.

Assuming it's fear in the first place. I'm not convinced of that yet. I could sort of see being subconsciously afraid of working on a paper. One could be afraid of doing poorly, getting a bad grade, failing the class, etc. But... afraid of doing the dishes? The things I'm blocked on really don't seem like things I could plausibly be afraid of.

I don't know if this is a separate issue, but I feel like a lot of my problems recently have been more at a psychomotor level than a psychological one. Last night I spent two or three minutes alternating my gaze between my fist and a dish... trying to unclench the former, and pick up the latter. I certainly wasn't afraid of picking up a dish. I just couldn't move my hand. It was as if the part of my brain that thought "I'm going to pick up that dish" and the part of my brain that was in charge of my body weren't talking to each other.

Which I guess is why I'm wondering if all my "trouble doing stuff" has been a "disconnect" rather than a "block." Maybe the part of my brain that was thinking "I need to write this paper" just never got the message to the part of my brain that actually knew how to write a paper. And the looming deadline made it possible, not because one fear outweighed another, but because fear provided an adrenaline boost that changed my brain chemistry.

When I get "stuck" physically, I find that it helps to start with very small movements and work my way up. I wonder if something equivalent would work on the purely mental blocks?