A surprising heath issue that affects many Aspies...

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I have that. I've also had asthma when I was a child.

Both things correlate with HFA/AS, don't they?

I had asthma as a kid. I also have ongoing skin problems.

forgivness after acceptence

When I was first unemployed several years ago I worked out for 4 hours every day. I got into great shape, but I'm sure it was overdoing it. This unemployed time, I can't seem to get past the depression. *sigh*

Forgiveness? Letting go of the fact that someone hurt you.

Really, this has been an issue with me because I've had some friends who have just seriously hurt me. Something happened almost two years ago now, and until about 3 weeks ago I never forgave one of the two that hurt me, but I felt so good getting rid of it. I also learned to forgive the other. I went through such a long period of trusting no one that I felt its effects. I could never grow close to anyone because I didn't dare trust them. It felt so good to let it go...

Stress does not help me in the least. I completely lose my ability to focus. Grr! But, I needed to know this. Thanks BlueMax!

I don't think you've got a healthy view of what forgiveness is (not that I'm an expert.) I know it DOESN'T mean forgetting it ever happened and letting it happen again, but it DOES involve no longer resenting/hating the person who hurt you. I just spent over an hour with a video series that ironically covered this exact same topic - I was a little distracted so I'll have to watch it again with more attention, but it talked a lot about how the resentment is not only stressful, it grows like roots and becomes worse... it also was the root cause (in the people interviewed) of depression, health concerns, relationship problems, employment problems, and more.

It's even more of a big deal than I realized!

I've got a LOT of resentment to let go of... my dad who neglected me, my mom who abused us, the kids at school who tortured me, the teachers who mocked me, the peers who excluded me, the workmates who backstabbed me, and the supervisors who betrayed me. There's a lot of stewing hatred (and I don't mean anger, I really mean HATRED!!) that's been hindering me - and that my "case" of Aspergers may simply have its root cause right here! My inability to socialize, interact with people (especially those that trigger my painful fears/angers) and maintain a steady job, are affected greatly by my stewing turmoil of emotions.

I'm going to be seeing some people who are helpful in digging these emotions out, and will share what isn't too personal if anyone wants to hear it.... I'll also see what else I can get out of this video series.

I agree with this. Resentment and hatred can become addictive, like a mental security blanket. Sure, they hurt you, but at least you are free to hate their guts, and that's something they can't take away.

The problem is, that attitude is self-defeating. If someone hurts you on purpose, then they are probably not worth your time. By holding on to your hatred, you are only allowing them to hurt you more. The hatred is constantly there, hanging over you like a shadow. And it can hold you back.

Occasionally, I do use some perceived slight as motivation, but I can only do that in short bursts. The anger becomes too much to control and makes me lose focus, defeating the whole purpose of using it as "mental fuel."

Besides, when you hate a lot of things, you tend to question what the whole point of living, working, making friends, etc. is. That just makes it harder to fit into society. But when you maintain a positive attitude, everything seems easier to do.

Oh, another one of those. When bit by an ant, stung by a bee, I do not go on and on about insects.

Humans have a limited range of causing problems. They can only do minor damage, unless you help them. They are looking to feed, and if you carry anger, you feed them.

I have ended relationships and jobs by speaking my mind. I soon had better. The most common thing was the other person saying that is not what I meant, and life got better.

The needy get the abuse, and come back for more. Those who say, your mouth says you are going to hit me, do it now with your hand, change the world. They can hit or shut up. The first one is free, but then it is my turn. No one takes me up on it.

OK, I will clean out my desk and leave. What do you mean? You just fired me in the most insulting way you could think of. My job is now your's, have fun! Now you want to rehire me? After that, Yea! At a big raise! I am on my time, send me a letter.

You are leaveing me? Can I help you pack? Give you a ride?

Stress comes from letting them, anger comes from letting them, but they did nothing, you did it all.

What is there to forgive? I never thought otherwise. Out of every hundred I might still be on speaking terms with two in a year. They are the ones worth me having any feeling about.

Not accepting mistreatment, beats doings so and then being filled with stress, guilt, anger, that you brought on your self.

If I am not enjoying life, I do not go back there. My time is for me to enjoy.

I find work I enjoy, people who treat me well, or I have nothing to do with them.

Great thought.

This is a very toought provoking thread, Blue Max. It's something I have to think about.

Funny you should mention the resentment thing. I was just thinking a few days ago that I've stopped obsessing over one of my former torturers like I used to. Didn't happen on purpose or anything, just happened. I still can't say that if I ever see her again, I won't be tempted to flip her off . . .

1) Yes I am stressed out all the time, but I thought that came from living in NJ.

2) I do walk a bit all the time, but I need to exercise more, since I am overweight (this was told to me by a physician, so I know that it isn't just me...)

3) I guess you can say I feel resentment towards myself for not being able to get anywhere in life... no girlfriend, no job (although I am at college still), no money... I don't try to feel anything towards others (I've developed a defense mechanism that shuts down all emotional responses if another person evokes a powerful enough emotion)

"forgiveness"

That depends on the situation. Letting one wrong or mistake go and forgiving them is good, and nessisary. No one is perfect after all. On the other hand, we can't just forgive someone who has done wrong through many years of our lives, or something worse, that put a negative influence on us. I for one need to heal before forgiveness comes from me in that way. If I don't, I'm sort of acting like it's acceptable for them to do it, and I know that isn't right.

Does anyone realize how true it is that the needy get the abuse and come back for more?!?! It's virtually impossible to find people who treat one well while remaining in a needy state of being. It's just as impossible to have nothing to do with them while you're still needy.

Funny how people begin calling a person "arrogant" once they see that person gain enough self-esteem (i.e., dignity) to put an end to the endless flow of abuse that leads to resentment!

Some might call it not accepting mistreatment. Others might call it overreacting.

I heard a quote recently (I forget who - Phillip Adams I think - Australians should know him) who said maintaining anger at someone is like letting them live rent free in your head. Don't let people you don't like have space in your head.