How many aspies do you know who learned to act like NTs?

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None I know except myself.

I can s-l-i-d-e by for a while in conversation as long as it is not one on one.

Even with that people pick up there is something quite different about me, I can 't remember one person... not one... who found out I had *HFA/AS that did'nt say something to the effect of, "Omg that's what it is, I knew something was wrong."

I had been trying "fake it" for decades.

The thing is... trying to fake a free flowing spontaneous conversation is somewhat like trying to fake batting against a major league pitcher. You can try to swing the bat but really you never can see those fast balls and curves balls till it is too late.

Confidence has nothing to do with it, if you cannot hit a 90mph fast ball all the self assuredness in the world isn't going to change that.

I have found that the key is... who gives a crap, I don't. It is ok to be this way... if someone does not like me for it that is good by me, tells me more about them than myself really.

Better than trying to fake NT, is spending that time being genuine... that is what I learned from decades of trying.



*I had a dual diagnoses for some illogical reason

Certainly, i believe... I think Aspie's are great actors to some extent, but they also have to endure downtime on the flipside. I used to be one of them, now, I just quit pretending to be normal. If normal is the right word anyway..

I'm ndx. No, I don't think that Aspies can or should precisely emulate the behaviors of NTs, except for a relatively short term. It isn't necessary. Firstly, I know that there is a strong sentiment that a diagnosed Aspie must somehow be in better shape, but please think for a minute: we receive absolutely no help. We don't have the benefit of any form of therapy. We don't even know what we really are half the time, and it can get pretty rough. I want to be very clear that, until very recently, I was completely screwed. I could not function at all. In the state that I was in, I belonged in a nursing home, and it's a miracle that I wasn't thrown into one or a psych ward of some kind a long time ago. Don't be the kind of fool who treats being non-diagnosed as a label meaning that I was somehow in a better state than an Aspie who has received diagnosis and treatment. All it means is that I recieved no help or support from anybody. Most of the time, I was just considered an as*hole, a moron, a space case, or all three.

Yeah, I know your story is probably sadder than mine, but I didn't set out to tell a sad story.

That said, yes, I have learned to function socially. I don't communicate in the same way that NTs do. I actually tend to speak in extremely long monologues, sometimes dragging on for hours with little give-and-take, and not everybody likes this. In fact, a lot of people can't stand it for more than a little while, and it's rare for someone to come back and want to talk to me later. You know, it's so passe to be dismissive of people for this. Really, my personality isn't for everybody, and I don't hold it against a person if the chemistry just isn't there. A lot of the coolest people I know just plain can't stand to be around me for very long. I do, however, have a well-developed ability to use what social functioning I do have to develop mature, lasting relationships with those whom I find some level of chemistry with, and I try to be courteous toward those with whom I cannot.

I just got through getting myself hooked up with a room-mate, and I'm going to finally be moving out of my parents' house to be on my own. It took a certain level of social functioning to strike that bond. Really, once the chemistry was obviously there, it was easy. It took a surprisingly short time to get to know this person on a personable enough level that I felt comfortable making that proposal.

I am a success story, and I didn't do it by trying to mime NTs. I didn't do it by trying to be something that I'm not. I did it by trying my best to be the most tolerant, personable, and emotionally mature person that I, as an Aspie, can be.

It's completely up to you what you do, but I suggest you do the same. Just try to be understanding with people who just don't have that chemistry with you. Show the respect and tolerance for neurodiversity that you want them to show you. Most importantly, be who you are, and do your best to make that something worth being emulated. Then you will succeed.

You don't need to emulate NTs, and odds aren't very high that you can do so consistently or perfectly. This doesn't mean you can't get some of them to like you.

I don't try to blend in, except for job interviews. I can last about an hour in an interview, doing the things I should, saying the things I should, before I get drained and feel like I need a nap. In certain situations(job interviews being the most major one), I can force myself to behave not only acceptably, but very well. I've never applied for a job and not been offered the position, although that's only been 6 interviews and 5 jobs. Then again, I'm a computer programmer, so aspie traits aren't that unusual.

i don't know any who have...

The world revolves around stereotypes; so in reality acting like a "Neurotypical" isn't really as hard as it may seem.

Whenever people look at you or meet you for the first time: They will stereotype you.

There is no way in heck they could know that you have AS unless you totally 50% or higher go against the stereotype that they perceive of you.

So if you wanted to act "Neurotypical" all you would have to do is to play in the stereotype of what you look like.

This really isn't that hard and if you have a problem with then you would probably pick a stereotype that is considered "lower" on the social scale.

But this goes against the reason why you are trying to fit in in the 1st place? Why exactly are you trying to fit in Mw99?

I act somewhat NT outside of the home, but I often wonder what people make of my slip-ups. I rely heavily on memorized scripts, so when someone veers off the script I'm totally thrown for a loop and end up saying something awkward. I actually did better during my HS and college years, when I had learned to copy very outgoing and popular girls. I got their "valley girl" thing down and people told me they saw me that way (especially being a cheerleader), but I still couldn't form many meaningful bonds.

Once I dropped that act and tried to be myself in a work situation, I found that I had fewer gimmicks to fall back on to hide how little I knew about interaction.

I wish I could communicate in writing with everyone instead of talking. It's so much easier to see the words! Hearing them makes no sense to me.

I can't act similar to a non-autistic person. I doesn't matter whether I talk to them face to face or talk to them over the internet, the second actually making me stand out even more. However, I take a deep interest in the world views of people and the way this shows is, as I've been told, weird and confusing, since I tend to ask lots of questions mostly. Questions about what people think they know, about what they think them, I and everybody else should do, how they like and dislike stuff. I think my fascination has helped me a lot to understand about non-autistic people, but it has done nothing to make me understand them spontaneously or act similar to them.

I can understand many of the reasons why they do things the way they do them, but this is all just ex post. If I were to think hard about how a non-autistic will possibly react to a specific situation, I don't get it at all beforehand. This seriously sucks in class tests.

I trust my friends to be right about this issue, although few of them know I'm autistic. They say I'm all nice tada tada, but that I'm very strange and not like the normal people.

I fit in perfectly fine; nobody believes me when I tell them I have Asperger's Syndrome (I've only told a few people, and only after I've known them a long time and know they won't freak out). A lot of it is acting - or at least started as acting, when I was about 12 and decided I was sick of being 'a geek' so very closely observed those around me and started to mimic them - but now it's just second nature. I'm lucky in that I'm very outgoing, and my job (a journalist) has forced me to speak to strangers and strike up conversations from an early age. I never had any therapy or anything.

I still score pretty highly on AS tests (160-180, invariably). I guess I'm just really good at hiding it. People don't believe me until I point out all the little quirks I have, and how they all add up to pretty much classic AS.

So I guess I'm a success story.

I don't know anyone else IRL with AS though so couldn't tell you - if I do know anyone, they're good actors so I guess they're success stories too!

Umm...why would people freak out over you having AS? I haven't yet found anyone who behaves in this way. Perhaps this stems from my habit of introducing myself with, "Hello there, sir! Would you like to talk about paranoid schizophrenia for a while?" Maybe they're the ones who get this sickly look on their faces and try to find some excuse to leave...

Hahahaha. I guess because it's still quite misunderstood; most people seem to think that AS/autism means sitting in the corner rocking and moaning and ignoring everyone with no eye contact. Which I obviously don't do (ok, so maybe I rock, but not obviously...) and there's still a lot of stigma attached to it. So I don't really want people pre-judging me on that basis before they know me properly.

I've made the biggest efforts I could to act NT and failed miserably each time. I've realized there's no point in me trying anymore. Lucky you who have succeeded.