Indecisiveness

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Where's the "I Don't Know" option on that poll?

Win.

I have trouble with this too and figured out a way to help me with this.

I usually take a week to decide on something moderately important. The thing is, I think about it when I'm asked the question and then do not think about it until I am asked again. Of course I remember and think about it every few days or so, but I try to think about single details that caused me to think about it again. When I solved this bit, I continue my work and say to myself: I'll think about it later, there's no need now. That's because I try not to start to worry and think the whole thing through at once! This never works, doing everything at once. Little steps on the other hand work wonders.

When I am asked again, I give the most spontaneous answers I can find myself agreeing with. That's usually the best answer I can give, because it's the one I figured out in little steps unconsciously throughout the last week.

No idea whether this makes any sense to you people.

I am totally incapable to make decisions. (Bad) strategies I use to cope are 1) try to trust the decision on somebody else 2) procrastinate. When I was a child my family used to go down to a pastry shop to eat a little cake. I couldn't choose my cake and was left without. Later (I am now old) problems became more serious. Procrastination is the only strategy left, because, being autistic, I have no one to trust a decision.

I have a terrible time making even the simplest decisions.

I still do that. I take about 10mins trying to decide what colour doughnut I want or something, it's ridiculous. Then when I get it I spend the next ten obsessing over whether it was the right one.

I especially hate when people ask things like "What do you want to do?" or something... I hate to say because I don't like putting people out, but I can never tell what they really want to do and I don't want to say the wrong thing and annoy them. They'll say "I don't mind" but you know that they do, but you can't figure out what option they DO want to do so you can't pick the right one, it's like a guessing game with a 50/50 chance of getting it right and having a happy friend, or getting it wrong and having them sulk for an hour. I hate it.

And then when I say "I don't mind, you decide" (because I really DON'T mind) they get sh***y because I haven't made a decision and they want me to make one!! I would've thought they'd have been happy we could do what they wanted, but they just get grumpy instead... uuuuuuuugh it's like a nightmare.

I'm probably the most indecisive person in the world. Possibly. Maybe. I don't know...

I hate decision making.

I'm paranoid about people thinking that I'm selfish. I'm not sure that I understand how to tell people what I want without sounding like I'm demanding that I get what I want. This goes along with another reply I just made about being misunderstood by NT's. I want to live in a world where I can just say whatever comes into my head without having to twist everything to sound a certain way.

Also I have a really hard time taking all aspects of a situation into consideration in order to make a decision. It's extremely overwhelming and I usually just have to leave it up to someone else.

The waste of energies caused by indecisiviness is incommensurable. As my parents always attacked me for those little choces I made by myself, I have thought for a long time that the problem was due to a fear to displease my parents. Now I don't think that anymore. There is probably some miswirement of the brain's organs (modules) in charge of decision making. A general lack of self assurance and of aggressiveness (in a good sense) may also be hold responsible and a general anguish about losing the little you own. If you make one choice, you lose the other thing.

I can't make decisions at all. Whenever possible, I will defer them to another. I can spend so long trying to decide what to eat that I end up not eating at all, and often choosing a book to read is impossible. Most of my friends have realised this, and won't ask me what I want to do or where I want to eat. I often wish that I had someone to make decisions for me; it'd be far quicker and less agonising for me, and quite possibly, a lot of other people.

It sucks not knowing what direction life is taking. Don't you agree?

Yep. One of my worst is deciding what I want to eat. I have to look at all the options and then think what I feel like and what I won't regret. This is why I usually like going to places I know, so I order the same thing... or when I know what I feel like and seek it out.

a week or so agom I spent 20 minutes deciding what takeaway to get for dinner!

oh - and you missed the "Can't decide" box....

edited time - had put 290 instead of 20...

Last edited by caffeine_demon on 10 Dec 2007, 7:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

LOL - Yes, definitely this poll needed "can't decide" as an option

It's strange - I can be very decisive, but only in regards to things that I am very knowledgeable about (mostly work related, or anything to do with film/TV production) or that are important to my personal well being.

Dinner? Nope. You pick. I have no opinion (until I eat it, and then I have lots of opinion, and quite possibly a tantrum over bad food and/or service).

I find that I defer making a decision about anything questionable for as long as possible, even if I *know* the decision I am going to make. For example - I was living with a gal a number of years ago who wanted to relocate to a larger/different space. I vacillated for a couple of months, not wanting to "upset the apple cart" in a really bad way, but knowing that moving was not something I could cope with. When she finally pushed the matter I had a meltdown/explosion about it. That was the end of the relationship.

In retrospect, I understand that she'd glommed on to me precisely because she'd misinterpreted my lack of interest in trivial decision-making (who cares where we go for dinner as long as its good) with general spinelessness. She wanted a partner who was decidedly under her thumb, and I (in my AS-ness) certainly appeared to be the perfect fit. But it's a mistake to misinterpret indifference for concession. The bottom line was that I am indifferent to 95% of the things that she felt were important, but I was immovable for the 5% that I considered crucial to my comfort (though I still lacked the ability to clearly and honestly explain why those things affected me as deeply as they do).

Nick

Yeah, that.

And if I *do* make a decision, say I pick a place to order out from - i'm always paranoid that it's going to be bad and I will be blamed for choosing it. I've figured out through lots of trial and error that it's never good to suggest anything in general as it will somehow come back to bite you in the A$$.

What I need is someone who has the exact same tastes as myself to take charge and make the decision

What's really tough for me is trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was accepted to Bethel University, but I couldn't afford it without taking out loans. Taking out loans means being in debt, etc. It is difficult trying to make decisions on things that involve a lot of steps, especially if I perceive that each step may have drastic effects on the next. If I don't know what to do, I tend to do nothing and that really has some problems. I've tried to counter that by just picking something to do or asking for direction, but I usually get told I've somehow made a mistake and get blamed and badgered and all such nonsense because I can't make up my mind and so I just pick something. Managers want to have crew that operate independently yet obey orders (usually without instruction because they expect you to know whether you do or not.) I can come up with creative ways to do things only to find they don't want that later (after the work is done usually.) I've always hated decisions and having to make them, yet I hate it when people make malicious decisions for me; I rather be independent for freedom's sake but I would like good help.

I went to a psychiatrist a week ago and she gave me a whole bunch of questionnaires to fill out and I wasn't even half way through when they came in and asked if I was done yet, because it was already late and they wanted to go home. I didn't even realize until then that I was thinking every question over, looking at it from at least 50 viewpoints instead of just ticking the answer that felt right. I couldn't decide, because I didn't know how to weigh those different "viewpoints".

I've found there are 2 kinds of decisions. Those that I feel indifferent towards and those that matter to me.

Where do you want to go? What do you want to eat? What are you doing on the weekend? I don't care. I really don't. But tell that my parents. I'd rather that someone else who cares makes the decision. That way they can't be hurt or disappointed by my choice and they get what they want. So why do they still insist I make a decision?

Then the really difficult decisions. I tend to overanalyze things so all the different possibilities get jumbled up in my head until they sort of blend together.