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Are you spiteful?

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sinagua
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11 Dec 2007, 11:23 am

hartzofspace wrote:
EvilKimEvil wrote:
I get angry sometimes, but I just channel it into my music, art, and writing. I've only tried to get revenge once (as an adult). I called a guy and yelled at him. I regretted it afterwards, and still do.

When I was a kid, I fought back a few times while being bullied. One girl was being really mean to me, and without thinking, I shoved her. I didn't mean to hit her at all, especially not hard, but she ended up tumbling backwards down a hill. Fortunately, she was not injured. I appologized, and she left me alone from then on.


I don't think that was spiteful. I think it was striking back at an annoying person who was provoking you. Maybe she would think twice about her behavior, after that. But I could be wrong.


No no no - I think you're quite right! That's not spite, that's a natural and appropriate consequence of being a jerk to other kids. ;)

Glad she left you alone after that!



sinagua
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11 Dec 2007, 11:28 am

Spot17 wrote:
You know, in reading these posts, I'm starting to realize that my spite is pretty much an internal thing. I've been trying to think of an example of something spiteful I've done to post and I can't think of anything. I guess the closest I've come is not telling a roommate in college when my boyfriend peed in her shampoo (she so deserved it too).


LOL! That is hilarious.

Quote:
I think my spitefulness usually results in a coldness towards whoever has hurt me, even if I really want to talk to them. Chances are they don't even notice the difference (they hurt me so why would they care enough to notice?).


That's not spite, I think that's what they call being "sullen." Lots of people do it, NTs too.

Quote:
I've been trying to express it more when I'm hurt instead of letting it simmer inside. Maybe I'm not as spiteful as I thought. My ex always told me I was spiteful, but what the hell does he know?


Ex's often have a perspective on us not shared by others. Since he's your ex, perhaps his words should be taken with a grain of salt.



sinagua
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11 Dec 2007, 11:37 am

I don't think I'm spiteful. I have been known to "nurse grudges," however, but I really think this is because I fixate on emotionally painful situations that utterly baffle me (i.e., "How could they be so CRUEL? What had I ever done to them to deserve that??" I have a history of taking many slights way too personally, because I didn't know any other way TO take it. They said/did it to ME, so how is that not personal? I'm now learning that "it's not personal" really means "the person who did that was wrong and possibly even damaged to say/do such a thing, and you're not the only person they're nasty toward, so don't dwell too much on it, mmkay?"

I used to have lots of "revenge fantasies" when I was younger, against the people who bullied me or assaulted me. I find that as an adult, I still dream about this on rare occasions, and the really amazing thing to me is that, even in my dreams now, when I finally have the chance to DESTROY that other person who caused me so much harm, EVEN IN MY DREAMS I still end up deciding not to do so. I just find a new way to avoid them, or something. I tell myself they must've had a really unhappy childhood, and/or are mentally ill.

But if someone tries to physically harm me, they're going to deeply wish they hadn't. That's not spite either, that's self-preservation.

What is the working definition of "spite," for the purposes of this thread? OP? How do you define it?