Why can't I communicate sometimes?

Post Reply New Topic

Well, it's almost right. I mean, I find the Internet (especially Instant Messaging and chat) to be the optimal method for me to communicate. I can type at my own rate, so I can stop to think about what I'm saying, which is something I can't do on the phone without the person on the other end thinking something is wrong. But it's also roughly real-time, unlike voicemail and email, which means I don't have to plan out how to say everything I need in one message. And I don't have to send/leave the message and then wait for some painful amount of time wondering if I've made some mistake.



My voice is not my strongest trait, and that's always on my mind. Also, I hardly feel the need to look at people when I talk to them anyway, so it's not terribly different talking on the phone. I'm forced to communicate vocally, which to me is much more personal than other forms of communication. Even body language is easier for me. Maybe because it's more passive?

I'm not bad with words, and I'm not too worried about what the other person thinks of me. It's just that I'm extremely careful with words, and I need a moment to decide which words to use and to arrange them in a certain way. I always want to say just the right thing. It's the perfectionist in me, I guess. But then there's always the general feeling of anxiety I get around phones, and about not knowing what to say.

I actually like talking on the phone if the person I'm talking to is someone that I'm comfortable with. When it's a business type of call I will procrastinate until it's almost too late to make the call. Things like ordering food, calling the pharmacy, doctor, ect.. really raise my anxiety level. I have to write down what I'm gonna say, and practice it before I make the call. Invariably, the person I'm talking to will throw something out there I had not planned on, and then I just freeze. My written dialog did not cover that question!

Even though I like chatting on the phone with good friends, I hardly ever get around to actually calling them. Sometimes, I wish the effort in thinking about interacting with other people would count as some sort of sentimental value. Instead, most people think that I don't want to talk to them at all, which isn't true. I just have a hard time getting myself into the action of actually picking up the phone.

I don't particularly like using da fone cos i find it difficult 2 communicate n i also get very anxious whilst using da fone dis is why i prefer ppl 2 contact me on my mob so dat i know who's callin me.

Talking over the phone is my most hated form of communication. It's even harder form me to read people when I can't see them so that I am always afraid that I will misinterpret the person on the other side and that I will make a fool of myself. I also find it very hard figuring out when it's my turn to talk, especially if the current topic runs dry and the conversation becomes random, not to mention not knowing what to say.

Most of all though I find phone calls an intrusion into my personal life. Especially if I am feeling depressed and do not go outside for some time I feel that the caller will read me like a book and get an impression that I am some kind of a antisocial freak. This feeling is especially present when I am feeling down and I am called by one of my NT friends. I have all my life tried to live to the NT standard that I thought I was being a looser if one of my friends calls my about a great night he had and girl he met at a bar when all I did was stay inside being depressed.

I can have as many as 30 missed calls in a day sometimes and that makes it even harder to call someone or answer the phone because then people are going to be angry why I didn't answer the phone and I feel that they may give up trying to be my friends.

Me too. I don't get as many missed calls, though, mainly because people don't call me so much. It's mostly my mom, and she'll call me up to 10 times a day if I don't answer, plus she'll have everybody else call because she thinks she can trick me into answering for someone else (she always thinks I'm just upset with her for some reason ). Apparently she doesn't trust that I'm okay unless she talks to me every day. I don't want to talk to her every day.
Those days I feel anxious every time I hear my phone ring, and it irritates me so much, I can't bear to answer. And nobody understands why I don't answer. They think I'm just upset or lazy or something. I've wanted to explain it so many times, but I don't know what to say that won't make me sound totally crazy.

I feel the SAME way!

I've done that before... and what I hate the most is that when I finally do get the courage to call whoever or whatever, it's over so quickly... and I'm mentally beating myself over the fact that it was so easy but I was so damn stupid and stubborn and put it off for so long.

I gotten quite good at being conversatio-avoidant. I'm post-traumatic of being socially awkward, so this is how i deal with it now.

you haven't heard my parents' phone's ringtone!

I have a lot of trouble talking to people too. I keep telling people that I work A LOT better if you just allow to keep talking in a stream-of-consciousness way.

This happened to me recently:

I had been on the phone with BellSouth/AT&T trying to get a problem with my phone worked out. I had been transferred six times so 6 different operators in different departments. And each sucessive time they transferred me, I got more tongue tied and more exasperated. I was running out of things to say. Then I was transferred again and I just utterly and completely just lost my mind. Literally. I suddenly had no damn clue what to say whatsoever. I mean every damn thought in my head had suddenly evaporated! I stammered gibberish for a few seconds and just apologized to the operator and took a second to gather my thoughts. I was so embarrassed!!

If I'm calling someone I know, I never have a problem with it. If I am calling up a pizza place to order food, I have no problem with it. Even most business-to-business or business-to-person calls I'm okay with, I just start the call with "Hi, I'm [ToadOfSteel] with [Epic Hax Company], and [Here are the points I was told to convey in the business call]". So long as the call maintains a professional tone, I'm fine.

The main problem is when I have to make a personal-to-business call (calling up a bank to check accounts, or calling up a store to see if a certain item is in stock)... I just can't start the call... Once I start it, it becomes much easier, though... and there are exceptions (see above with the whole ordering pizza thing...)

"Talking over the phone is my most hated form of communication. It's even harder form me to read people when I can't see them so that I am always afraid that I will misinterpret the person on the other side and that I will make a fool of myself."

Same thing here! I think instead of being partly blind, I am 100% blind on the phone. I cannot tell the tone of what they are saying.


Best,

Idaho Aspie