anyone else a cutter?

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I do sometimes still. But, I am discrete. I have scars on the inside of my arms from straightedge razor blades - nothing too dramatic but there. I really do curb this tendency but I have done it, even lately. I try really hard and I'm considered 'very well behaved,' but this is a weakness. Strangely, for me, the cutting is kind of ritualized. I use a clean (new) straightedge blade with isopropyl alcohol to sterilize....this does sound irrational, yes? Does relieve stress I cannot otherwise express.

I'm a (mostly) recovered cutter.

That's who you are?

I found that squeezing ice cubes in my hand for as long as I can is almost as good and doesn't leave the same evidence. If you need the 'evidence' use a red marker - it will eventually wash off.

actually, I prefer people see my wounds.

I enjoy the feeling of cutting a lot but it is too difficult hiding the scars and too much fuss if anyone notices so I have managed to mostly stop.

Yeah. I did that off and on, and I did other things as well. The last time I cut myself was two days ago and it felt awesome. I have badass hunting knife for this, not a razor fan.

I like to make designs on myself, very structured, like grids this time. I used to do this one on my bicep where I'd make a long line, then make two arrows pointing different ways and a perpendicular line in the middle, kind of like <----|---->. I've always been obsessed with hidden orders in the universe, duality and such. I think this is why I find the grid shape so pleasing, like I'm making order out of the chaos in my head, giving it structure; I'll then make a few really hard random cuts across it, sort of like there's still a fair amount of chaos despite the presence of the lattice.

I also like to punch walls so my knuckles are cut up. Know that game where you spin a coin on the table, and each person takes a turn flicking it so it stays spinning upright? If you mess up you place your fist knuckles down on the table and the other guy gets to fire the coin into the thin skin over the bone. In Canada we have really large 2 dollar coins and in high school I used to lose intentionally and stare the other guy down while he sent it into my hand. Pretty soon the table would be covered in blood and you could see the bone, and it would freak people out pretty hard, which I thought was funny.

I used to do all sorts of things like that, make a show of it. I still punch myself in the head and pull my hair. Sometimes I use a heavy maple stick to hit my forehead too.

If I get in a fight I let the other guy hit me; most people are idiots and punch you in the head or face, which hurts them more than me, plus if the cops get involved it is arguably self-defence. I just smile and they sh*t themselves; it doesn't really bother me unless they mess up my glasses, they're expensive.

I did more this morning. Want to see?

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y131/SG1fan1/cut.jpg

Last edited by digger1 on 10 Dec 2007, 11:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

no. i do not.

i think you need to be careful posting pics like that. because if someone is just scrolling down, unaware, and then sees it, they might be very triggered to cut-- if they are/were a cutter.

if it's something you need to talk about, i want you to feel like you can, but at the same time, please be conscious of the implications of posting a picture and what impact that can have on others.

I am sorry you hurt yourself....I know too. But try not to - I try not to and I do better. There are alternatives.

Whether you get help or not, just be careful.