How do I stop replaying negative memories in my head?

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I tried killing myself to stop it when it got just too much to tolerate anymore.

Fortunately I was unsuccessful! But unfortunately it didn't stop the thoughts either. In the end, I had to turn the person who originated those thoughts in me into a 'joke' in order to discredit what they had to say. Took me about 3-4 years, but thankfully I don't have to endure those endless thoughts anymore!!

That seems a logical idea - forcing yourself to think about it would give you back some level of control and power in the situation.

This is a huge issue for me. It definitely impedes my quality of life. However, you should take note of the good suggestions on this thread. What works for me? I keep a journal. I write down my reaction to situations and then re-read/revisit them at a later date to gain some perspective, logically deconstructing the situation. Replacing the negative memory with something positive is good. I prefer to accept the memory without judgement and move on. It wasn't entirely bad or good. It happened. What did you learn from the experience? Buddhist techniques and ideas have been very helpful here -- mindfulness, detachment, compassion. Good luck.

Do you have ANY idea how many people I'd have to kill to get closure?



The more I think about them, the WORSE they become, not better. I wish they had that Eternal Sunshine thing where I could selectively delete bad memories.

Entire childhood and adolescence and young adulthood, gone, whoosh!

As I explained to my therapy, being an aspie is being traumatized again and again by society, not just parents in childhood. She keeps insisting in healing my childhood, but the traumatic events and rejection don't end in the parents' home for an aspie ! !!

I read all the replies. Thanks for your help.

If it's a recent event then trying to figure it out is a normal learning tool. Otherwise, it's something that bugs you. Like TLPG said, you need closure, but not the kill 'em all type. Your Aspie mind keeps trying to solve the "Why?" and you won't stop until you have some plausible explanation.

As far as childhood and teen years, the brain hasn't matured enough for the other kids to judge what they're doing. It's almost all emotional responses. The charismatic one leads the group into all kinds of lowest common denominator stuff, because that's how poor leaders keep the lead. In other words: a lot of them are too bloody stupid to know better. Other times there are misunderstandings or normal growing-up frustrations. And a few things come from mutual social mistakes.

As far as adults, usually things are misunderstood and mistakes are made. Some people are insensitive, fearful, stupid, hateful, etc. They don't need a reason to be mean, so you can't find one.

If you can find an explanation that's close enough for you, then you need to accept it as "the way it was" and understand that whatever you MIGHT have done then, it's too late to go back now and make it perfect. Focus on the event, then focus on letting it go as the only thought in your mind for as long as you can. You may need to do this more than once. If you can forgive the other person, it speeds things up and makes the closure more complete.

The ones I have the most trouble with are the embarrassing memories. Whoo-ee, do I have a bundle of those!

I relate to this thread a lot. I have been stuck in some crazy, awful thought loops in my day...

This is a little embarrassing, but when I was in fourth grade I saw the movie Carrie, based on the Stephen King book... and let's just say, the mother character hit a little close to home, and I basically could not stop thinking about that movie for... a year or two. It was really, really bad. I had some bad nightmares about it, so I feared sleep. I would, of course, forget about it for long stretches of time, but it would not be uncommon at all for me to fear going to bed all day long... I can't believe I didn't go insane.

Anyway, it's bad stuff, but there has been some amazing advice in this thread. Embracing the thoughts is so important, and closure is also important. Trying not to think about the thoughts will just make it 10x worse, so the worst thing you could do would be to struggle against it. Unfortunately, another requirement, I think, is time. It just took some time. Now I watch Carrie and enjoy it, actually... it's a very well done film... but it was many years before I could do that. I used to think about failed relationships etc., all the time, but those scars heal in weeks, months, or years depending on the circumstances. So yeah, give it time.

Anyway, nice thread.

If you're obsessed with negative memories, the best thing to do is distract yourself whenever you feel an obsession coming on. I recommend counting, saying the Hail Mary three times fast, washing your hands repeatedly, or studiously aligning objects on your desk or in your room. Each time, add something more to the ritual—try to make it your own. Eventually, you'll have ritualized your way through the day and have a collection of urine in jars in your room like that guy the movie Aviator was about.

When I'm really hung up on a past mistake I made, or some other negative memory, I think about what would have happened differently if I were able to somehow go back in time and prevent it from happening, and I make myself list the good things that it would have prevented as a side-effect.

Example: I wish I hadn't gone to college. It was a big waste of many thousands of dollars and several years of my life, and put me in severe debt for 10 years, and it didn't even help me get a good job!

If I went back in time and warned myself against going to college, I would have missed out on learning a lot of really cool things, and I wouldn't have worked at the place where I met my current best friend, and I wouldn't have mastered Street Fighter II and Marvel Super Heroes at the arcade in the student union, and I wouldn't have met those interesting people who played Magic: the Gathering and RPGs with me, and I wouldn't have played all those cool computer games in the computer lab, and read all those good books in the university library, and it's entirely possible that I still would not have ended up with a good job anyway. And people would have probably thought me insane for making important decisions about my future based upon an alleged encounter with my future self..

Yeah, and besides, setting up a paradox really wouldn't be good