"Easy Man! I'm just busting your balls!"

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Wanting to slap someone . . .

You know how most people have to talk themselves INTO doing something outrageous?

I'm relieved to see the reason I have to talk myself OUT of things is related to my diagnosis.
"and knowing is half the battle"

As an aspie woman, the stereotypical womanly "ball busting" is "back biting" and not really noticed until after it happened. So, you wouldn't be likely to hear this kind of woman saying, "I'm just busting your chops".

My hyper NT dad and an NT boyfriend of mine actually provoke other men to "bust their chops". They'd actually give them ammo. I remember my dad coaching me to confess losing my (expensive) glasses in front of his friends, "'So and so' loves to rib me about money, it will give him a laugh!"
The NT boyfriend would provoke some insult and then act like he didn't understand it with this dumb look on his face. That would get the guys to laugh harder at him. It was some private joke to him.
It's like a submission/dominance dance. I don't like it. I don't like to see it.

"Submisson dominance"

Maybe this is why so manypeople identify dogs as masculine as cats as feminine.

I understand why the alfa male does it. I don't understand why the others go along with it. I would feel diminished if I did that. Maybe thats my "oppositional authority" talking.

I respect and "mind my place" around people i love or feel THEY need to feel empowered. Like senior citzens. Sometimes it's not because I respect the elderly, its that I know what it feels like to need to be noticed.

I'm drawn to people that are kind and I feel safe around. The "busting" is just lies, and lifes too short to listen to peoples lies, it doesnt help me to get to know them.

I hear women do something like this. It's call being "catty" (there we go again). But they don't do it in front of each other, rather behind. Considering that my heart goes out to the AS ladies here, things must be twice as hard making friends.

I was raised by two females, my mom and my sister. My brother dishes out the sarcasm and insults non-stop, and I love him regardless if I sometimes take it personally. I've always been more attuned to the female mind, always had girlfriends, friends that are girls, etc. I just don't always feel close to other guys, and very rarely feel comfortable around them. I'm also very sensitive emotionally, so that doesn't always help.

Actually women are catty to each other's faces. It's a bit more veiled than "chop busting" but just as hostile at times.

These are social behaviors and they are meant to bond, to divide and to assert one's position in the pack. Depends on the context. People who don't do it but "go along" are acting in their naturally social way. Not participating is seen as much more threatening, believe it or not. Dogs are social creatures and they have dominant postures and submissive postures. Not displaying the correct behavior will cause problems (my dog isn't properly socialized and can't really handle others).

Not accepting chop busting will be met with accusations that you are the anti-social one, lack a sense of humor or aren't a "team player".

THANK YOU!
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Youve just solved the riddle of why I've caught so much crap all my life.

Wow. "not participating is seen as hostile, because theyre social" That explains it.

Now what ? Im not going to start doing it . . . .

But seriously thanks that made my night.

Like my other thread "knowing is half the battle"

Lol, that reply made MY night. I just got into an online fight on another forum because I got all Spock on someone. I pointed out his flaws in logic and how his comments were inappropriate and he accused me of name calling. It's a hyper NT forum where Spocks aren't appreciated at all. But it's a fan board that I like, so I put up with the social game, ignoring it mostly, but still subjected to just the same.
I'm always surprised when people name call and then when you point it out, they say you're "crossing the line".