Are you embarrassed about your condition?

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I've actually made a conscious decision to not be embarrassed. Public stimming is now the norm. I don't do it when it would clearly be in my better interest not to do so, but rocking in starbucks ain't gonna hurt no one.

I'm not embarrassed about it.

I'm not embarassed about it but it's not something I'd go telling people about that I wasn't close to.

No.

I don't care about what people think of me; I don't want to know them anyway. The only time in my life where I tried my best to be "normal" was to avoid bullying--it didn't work, so I just walked away from people, which worked.

No but I was embarassed for many years pretending to be NT

I'm not embarrassed by my autism either, i even stim in public now, whatever, dont care what ppl say, ill tell them flat out that im autistic and they completely shut up. I even put a bumper sticker on my car that says "Autistic Just The Way I Am." I'm so tired of being forced to be like everybody else, and never winning, because im not, im autistic, and ive finally accepted that.

I use to hide everything, act completely mute, and keep to myself, never do anything, but i was tired of being depressed and upset just because i cant be like everybody else. So I just decided why waste all my energy to be something that im not, and fail all the time, and stress myself out to the max that im having meltdowns every night? So now that i be myself, my meltdowns diminished, and im happier.

Just yesterday took a walk on the boardwalk with my nt bf, totally went low functioning again, didnt respond to my name, rocked like crazy, just repeated everything he said, and when we walked, all i did was walk with my arms straight out like i was flying because i love the feeling of the wind pushing my jacket in the air, and did bunny hops every now and then haha. People gave me weird stares, but i was happy, and my bf didn't care that i was totally in my own world, as long as i was happy. I can honestly say i'm the happiest when i can stim, and when i can be myself. Thankfully my nt bf accepts me, and his friends have learned to accept me as well, just waiting until the rest of this world learns to let acceptance into their hearts!

By the way im not saying i love being low functioning, even though sometimes if you saw me, i would defintely qualify for low functioning. And I don't purposely act autistic in front of crowds either, if i need to twist my fingers, keep an ipod around me constantly, rub my rubberband, spin in circles then i do it, i don't hold it back anymore. I just learned to stop being afraid of what people say or think, and stop being embarrased by who i am, instead just living my life to the fullest.

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

I'm not really embarrassed about the condition itself, but there are definitely some embarrassing moments in my past. I just try to forget about them and move on with my life.

It seems so far as if people are taking embarrassment and being okay with themselves as opposites?

I mean.. I'm okay with myself in general, but I still have moments when I freak out and fear people's reactions. (Sometimes legitimately, other people's reactions have justified a lot of actions towards me that are genuinely dangerous, so it's not like it's an irrational fear out of nowhere.)

And I don't have any choice as to whether I hide anything or not. This idea of only stimming openly as a result of no longer being embarrassed ever... I can see where that comes about, but it's not how it came about for me. I am generally okay with myself, but I have moments where I panic and freak out and just don't want to deal with people's reactions anymore.

And the more so because I can't hide things, and I'm afraid I'll get asked to. I have this weird recurring scenario in my head where I'm told by someone who can bring this about, that something horrible will happen if I continue to stim and such, and I can't stop, at all. I don't know whether it's a result of OCD-like scenarios (where I'd play out in my head, "Okay, how would I avoid doing (insert ordinary thing) if doing (insert ordinary thing) would kill me?" obsessively all day, not believing it would but just getting the recurring thought), or whether it's a result of bullying (where people have blamed me for being treated like crap because of things I couldn't do anything about).

It's strange, because people often gravitated towards me throughout my life because they said I wasn't afraid to be different. Actually, I was terrified. Often for good reason. But I remained different regardless. I guess for non-autistic people (and for some autistic people) if you're afraid enough of being different, you can avoid being different in some of those ways. It's only been true to me for a limited degree. And I was very different. So they just assumed I wasn't afraid.

But I was afraid. I remain at least somewhat afraid. I'm not sure there's no reason for that. And I can't just switch off the difference.

I don't want to be cured and I don't think there's anything wrong with being autistic.

And I don't think any of that is contradictory.

Well, I kinda felt sad for a mother and her child who were staring at me as I was rocking away in the reception area of the doctors office (the appointment was one hour late); I don't know if I would have felt any better if they weren't there.

I don't like to appear "scary"/threatening to others; I guess if I experienced these situations more I'd...come to curse my mannerisms in time.

I still wouldn't be embarrassed however; I become embarrassed when I speak of my emotions and personal stuff to people verbally, that's pretty much it (I think this is different to what the OP meant however).

Well, first off, in the United States, it's pronounced ASSBURGERS. So like I stated in many other forums, that is enough to make me embarassed about having the disorder and keep me from talking about it. Most of my friends are ADD-esque anyways, so I'm sure if the disorder was just a learning disability not associated with autism, and was known as some sort of acronym like AND (A-Neurotypical Disorder), then maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal.

I get tired of making social blunders and embarrassing myself through them. I get embarrassed by things like choking on my own saliva in public and making a big scene with coughing and "crying". I get embarrassed by things like forgetting where I parked my car, or realizing that I'm out and about and haven't brushed my hair or that my sweater is in fact on inside out. Occasionally, that might be funny even to me, but not if I'm in a grocery store and then realize that I'm wearing my sweater inside out.

But the mere fact of being on the spectrum is not an embarrassment to me. My car's license plate reads "autistc".

Not embarrassed, but still don't tell anyone. It's kind of a personal thing, you know.

If (when? I hope) I get a girlfriend or such that I was close enough to so that we'd tell each other personal stuff like that, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her.

Plus, it still carries a bit of a stigma. Even if most people are cool with it there are always some who won't be. It's their problem, not mine, if I don't tell anyone about it because of that. But that's not really the main reason, anyway.