Getting yelled at , being wrong, or failure.

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They do chill out as they get older. Now I have polite but mild disagreements with my Mum rather than full blown rows thankfully.

Well socializing is a toughie to initiate, but when placed in one I am not so bad. It is when I have to deal with a more harder situation that may require some confilct that can hold back. I just show frustration in my mind. It isn't like when I was in school and I just walked away and showed sadness. I know my family has some understanding of what is going on with me, so that is a good start though.

I have the same problem.

i can relate to this, as i have the same problem. i remember bursting into tears when the teacher was yelling at us for something a couple of boys did.(whole class copped it) I did not really get teary usually mostly upset and annoyed when the whole class was kept in for something that one or two people did.

not as bad now. i just find shouty peoples to be a pain in the a.

Allllll the time. I can't deal with being in trouble at all, I immediately start feeling guilty and terrified of doing anything wrong. I'm always on edge when I'm doing something that affects other people- I try to hide what I'm doing so that if I made a mistake no one will know it's me. Also, I will always feel scared that everyone notices my mistakes anyways and are constantly criticizing me in their heads. I've quit a few jobs because I get pushed too far that way and freak out.

This used to be me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imposter_syndrome

The Impostor Syndrome, or Impostor Phenomenon, sometimes called Fraud Syndrome, is not an officially recognized psychological disorder, but has been the subject of a number of books and articles by psychologists and educators. Individuals experiencing this syndrome seem unable to internalize their accomplishments.

Regardless of what level of success they may have achieved in their chosen field of work or study, or what external proof they may have of their competence, they remain convinced internally that they do not deserve the success they have achieved and are really frauds.

Proofs of success are dismissed as luck, timing, or otherwise having deceived others into thinking they were more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. This syndrome is thought to be particularly common among women who are successful in their given careers and is typically associated with academics.

That is one I was looking for, because if I did know that I did something wrong (or didn't do what I had to do) I was paste the guilt on myself before anyone else does. I didn't want to show any kind of careless attitude or such. Only self-assessed shame.

That fits me perfectly.
I never feel that I earned the A I received in class even though I know that I do much better than most of the other students in a class. Last semester I practically tried to get a B by not turning in the last paper due, yet I still got an A. It is those kinds of things that sit in my head and cause me to think, well if I got an A when I didn't even do everything, then most of my other As don't really count. And I just tear down any self confidence that I might have had at the time. If I had gotten a B, I think I would have felt better due to thinking that I had earned that B by doing good work, but not completing all the assignments.
It is that knowledge of knowing you didn't try your absolute hardest, or knowing that it isn't quite right or missing something important, yet still having others claim it is great work and a job well done. That is what I struggle with all the time. That sense of was I judged fairly, or given a break? I feel that this is the way I feel with people. Are they actually interested, or are they just trying to be nice?

I always tell my mother when she starts yelling at me that I'm already yelling at myself inside, and it's much worse than anything she could say to me so she doesn't need to yell at me.

I'm a big girl's blouse when it comes to getting told off. I was the most well-behaved kid in the world because I was racked with guilt constantly. I remember when I was 5 getting sent home to finish some work because our table were talking and I had a lump in my throat the whole way home (we don't cry in my family) and wouldn't even eat my dinner until I'd finished it. I thought I was the worst kid in the world.

Even now, if someone shows any disappointment in me, the tears start to well up.

I can sulk for England too. When i was in college I was the only one in my psychology class to ever answer questions. One day the teacher said "Do you have to answer everything?" like it was my fault that nobody else put up their hand. I was so upset that I didn't answer anything for a week. Then he said "What's wrong with you?" in front of everyone so I answered questions again so as not to draw attention to myself.

I am older, 40-ish, I've noticed I have evolved 2 responses to being yelled at (as part of a long-term effort to navigate an NT world.)

I either yell back or walk away and refuse to acknowledge them at all. When yelling back i try to match their volume precisely. They yell a bit less in response, and it de-escalates.

I have found that maintaining a moderate tone while being yelled at emboldens them, like showing fear to a dog i suppose.

Walking away is also a very good thing to do. (Don't try it with a cop! :-b) Even an authority figure like a teacher or employer will often be shamed into calming down by saying something like, "is this important enough to discuss as respectful adults? I won't respond to yelling."

My 2 cents anywaze

nocturnalowl I completly understand how you feel. Me and my father growing up had a sometimes very strained relationship and when he was frusterated or angry with me because I would not comply or got into trouble or said the wrong thing or gave mom a hard time, really many MANY things that I would do that would get on his nervs. He was always very quick to anger with me I felt like maby he thought that was the only way to get thru to me and that he felt he could 'fix' me and make me a good adult someday. Needless to say it had other results that hindered our relationship. Anyways, my father would scream and yell at me. Now whenever I am in a serious argument and someone raises their voice I feel the same way I did when I was just a little boy, half the time not meaning to anger my dad, even sometimes terrified if I did or would, those are some very serious emotions, fear, anger, frusterations and I know when I was younger I would sometimes even break down crying still when dad yelled.

I handel things much better now, but those kinds of actions when you are small really do scar ya for life. Now I dont bother fighting so much anymore, their is no point. I dont let someone talk to me like that, NOBODY not even Dad. I totally understand your feelings!

This is so me. Especially in my grade school days, I was terrified of being yelled at, and would try very hard not to cry whenever a teacher even mildly reprimanded me. I still have the same reaction with my parents and some of my professors these days. I ended up forming the habit of just clamming up when people are displeased; I shut down completely, won't say anything, won't look at them, but I feel horrible inside the entire time. It also tends to send me into what one of my friends calls "Obsessive Fits of Decorum", where after I've been yelled at I start behaving so properly that I could've come out of a Victorian novel, just so everything I do is absolutely correct.

Although, now that I've started sending my stuff in to editors to try to get it published, I'm worrying less about rejection from people I don't know than I used to, just because it's such a big business that you have to go in expecting to be rejected. So I'm hoping I can continue getting better at this.

I have to understand that others are giving me a chance and I have to take the chance. But then I understand I feel better when I take it. If I don't then I regret it for a long time. All because of the word "no".

I took a few chances at things and I came out okay with it. But after a few years of semi-isolation from active behavior, I may have to warm up to it a little more now.