AS facial expressions creating the wrong impression on NTs

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I have a lot of people think I'm serious when I'm joking so I stay away from humor when I meet people.
Anybody else have this problem?

Like so much else for so many of us here it seems sucsess socially depends not on what you're saying but on how its being said.

I'm one of those humorous Aspies, so I have no problem in that area. Where I have the problem is talking about emotional issues. I think I'm being emotional and communicating that, only to have no response to it. I'm also pretty yacky, so I do talk a lot, and my friends and I are able to discuss our differences in response to things. I have such a wide variety of friends, I have opportunities now for discovery that I never did in my teens, twenties, heck, even thirties.

Last week, I hobbled into the public market in agony, and I must have looked like hell, because the look I got from my two friends was shock. I had been talking to them on the phone, and saying i was in pain, but they admitted they didn't know how bad because, well, I didn't ACT like it. They asked me why I didn't say how bad I was doing. I said, "BUT I did. I thought I did." And we had a pretty enlightening discussion.

I was a little horrified. I thought I was explicit. I thought I was clear. I thought to take it further would involve rolling on the floor and howling like a two year old.

But the incident was another showing me that I do not communicate in the same way, and have to find a way to work with what I have to work with. Which is my big mouth. I tell people I don't react or emote the same way. I do react and emote, but I do so differently. My sister went "aha" when we talked about it, and since she's known me and my father her whole life, and our differences, it just made sense, and she knows to ask questions. She knew before, but now she knows it's not because we're emotionless, or thoughtless--we just don't show it the same way.

The other thing to remember is we're making these artificial distinctions between Aspie affect and NT affect, and it's all a matter of degree. "NT's" make mistakes about other people's responses too, just not as often as "we" at the further end of the spectrum. There are people who have problems reading other people's emotional cues who are not aspie. and I suspect there are Aspies who read people fairly well.

Some people thought i was angry because i was looking up at them with my head down, it made my eyebrows look a bit angry. I think its because we dont look at people in the eyes so we have our head down a bit.

The friends I have know I'm joking and don't take anything too seriously.

I swear admitting I have AS has destroyed my self confidence. I'm always worried if I'm being confusing because now I'm aware of what my challange is.

Being misread based on facial expressions is the story of my life.
I could fill pages with examples and anecdotes.
To pick one: I don't usually smile when I'm enjoying myself. I'm too busy enjoying whatever it is I'm doing. Smiling isn't instinctive, and if I did smile it would only be for someone else's sake. It makes people think I'm not having a good time.

I was in a job coach/interviewing session once and the lady said

"Are you sure you want to be here?"
Me: Uhmm yes, why?
Her: You don't seem like you're into it. There's no enthusiasm.
Me: I don't show much enthusiasm for anything.


Then she goes on to say "With your facial expressions, you'll never leave a good impression because people will think you're not interested or are questioning them." I have a tendency to raise my eyebrows or to look "displeased" when I'm thinking.



I think I have too many facial tics.

This is what "destroys friendships" for me. I always get the "I don't even know who you are!" even after I tell them the first time we meet "I will joke and use sarcasm a lot, don't believe many of the things I say unless I make it explicit that I'm going to be honest with you...like right now."