Does anyone else feel this way when making eye-contact?

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It just doesn't feal natural to me, and I get this feeling of not knowing if I'm supposed to make eye-contact aswell as a feeling that the person is judging me, and I become over-aware of my eyes to the point of not being able to concentrate on talking or listening.

My reaction isn't like those I've read here. I hadn't realized, until perhaps 20 years ago when I was 30, that eye aversion was anything at all. It was only when my profoundly autistic daughter markedly showed this behavior, so much so that it caught our attention when she was a baby, that I had any idea at all. In looking back, it turns out that I've always looked away from people because it was more comfortable for me. But the real reason that it is more comfortable for me comes from at least one reason I can pin down and possibly another.

One is that I can just listen a lot better when I'm not making eye contact. When someone starts to speak and I need to engage my brain in what they are saying, to form pictures from their words, I naturally look away. I think this is mostly because looking away allows me to in a sense dim down the visual distractions. Like looking at a plain painted wall would just present very little color or distracting bits to drag away my attention. So when I truly want to hear what someone is saying, I am far far better able to do that when I let my eyes go towards a non-distracting place.

The other is perhaps aggression avoidance, in a sense. I don't mean that eye contact is necessarily aggressive, only that it can be. I remember a personal discussion with Dr. Fouts (chimpanzee sign language guy) where he talked about eye contact with chimpanzees. He was talking about teaching our daughter sign language, after he'd demonstrated to us just how quickly he was able to teach her when she was just four years old. He would give her something, then take it away from her and play with it. But he never looked AT her, just at the object he pretended to want. Later, he said to us, "When you are in with the chimpanzees and need to take something away from them, never look them in the eye. The consider that to be aggression and they will probably hurt you very badly. But if you look instead at what they are holding and avoid looking them in the eye, you can grab it easily from them. It's NOT an aggressive act if you aren't making eye contact, too."

My main reason is to listen, though. The aggression story is not really something that is foremost in mind, with me. Just a story that made me more curious about another possible avenue to consider.

Jon

I feel that way.

it's a function of range; the farther away they are, the longer I can do it..

It just makes me feel like I'm hooked up to a lie detector...

I'm more or less with Jonk on this. It's just difficult to concentrate on the conversation if there;s too much eye contact.

But what I wanted to say was that eye contact was not something I thought about until my late teens - I guess I simply didn;t do much of it, I was in my own little world. Then I started noticing that other people sort of twinkled their eyes at each other. It seemed to me like a terribly intimate thing to do and very intrusive.

THEN I realised that this 'twinkling' was just ordinary smiling! I don't think I'm exactly there yet, but I did start to force myself to do normal (ish) eye contact and must have practiced a lot .It's like I had to build an invisible shield around my eyes so that other people's eyes wouldn't enter my private space.

I rarely think about eye contact now - but, if anything, I think I have gone the other way: I don't stare at people's eyes but I sense that my gaze is very firm and that it makes a few feel a bit edgy. I mean, I surmise this, I don;t know for sure - I can only go on the slightly guilty or embarassed sounding things they say. Nonetheless, it's a handy tool to have in the repertoire.

well, i tend to look at other parts of the face like nose, mouth, ears, but rarely the eyes. when i do manage to look at the eyes, i just feel uncomfortable for some reason. i didnt even realise it until my mother call on it a few years ago.

also, since i wear glasses, i tend to look at people by tilting my head down and look at them thru above my glasses, so that it will all be blurry and i dont have to worry whether i make eye contact or not, because i couldnt tell the difference

It hurts when I look at people--too much information to handle, it's like...doing Pythagoras' theorem, writing a sonnet, riding a skateboard and sticking a needle in your eye all at the same time.

That's why I kinda look away when I talk to people.

I can't look a person in the eyes and pay attention at the same time. I look at their eyes and wonder "What color are they?" while they're blabbing about their day or giving out "key information." I'll even interrupt and ask them about their eyes


I either must not look at them and picture what they're saying, or look at them and get lost by their body gestures or eye contact.