"You can't use your autism as an excuse for everything&

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I get that comment ALL THE F-ING TIME!. I swear, it seems like most people think willpower is everything and think my problems will go away if I just "work at it hard enough." It's the same concept of Free Will, what philosophers call "libertarian" or "absolute" Free Will, that's behind the common but nonsensical American notion used as a right-wing talking point that "anyone can become rich if they work hard enough."

I heard it when I was thinking of going for a DX..."You're just looking for a label, something you can use as an excuse for everything." Well, I got a DX, it took the pressure off (I pressured myself and everyone else helped) to be perfect. I went from assuming there was something "wrong" with me - and that I was stupid and ret*d - this is all I heard growing up - to realizing I was not only smart, but VERY SMART and VERY ABLE to do many things. Then, the interior dialogue went like this - "If I am so d*mn smart, why can't I...?" I assumed I should be able to do everything - and better than anyone else. Well, with the DX, I learned that there IS something different about me - and that same "something" (AS/ADHD) that makes me MORE able in some areas makes me LESS able in others. And, I learned that I am NOT a freak, but that there are others somewhat like me. (I am not typical Aspie, but I share many of their traits.) I also heard from a wise friend (who is also an Aspie) "You may be perfectly normal - for what you are." And he was right - I'm not a normal NT, but I'm closer to normal as an Aspie.

What do you specifically mean by '(I am not typical Aspie, but I share many of their traits.)'

what is a 'typical Aspie'? Aspies are atypical by definition. are you thinking that if there are 'Normal NTs' there must be 'normal Aspies?' of which you are atyical from the 'norm?'

( just thought it was an interesting concept you were discussing and I wanted to ask you about it, Liberty. )


Merle

Merle,

I am much more "social" than the 'typical Aspie'- in some ways. I am an extrovert by every measure. In general, I don't like people, mostly because they annoy me. But I can do well in large groups and one on one. I have several friends and have sustained a few long term relationships. I had a few VERY CLOSE relationships, but they were ended by death.

I have no trouble getting or keeping jobs - I have been in my current job over 2 years - only changed because the contract I was previously working on was being moved and I did not wish to relocate. Before that, I had a job 13 years, quit and was asked to come back.

I have picked up and moved to places where I knew NO ONE and had a FABULOUS go of it. I love to travel with no plans and make it up as I go along. I love to try new things.

I do not suffer from anxiety or panic attacks. I do not have "social anxiety", either.

I do have some sensory issues (have looked up SPD and fit it pretty well.)

The AS specialist shrink I went to for a DX said I am an "atypical/overcompensated Aspie".


Does that answer the question?

What is an overcompensated Aspie?

What does that mean?

According to the shrink - I learned to compensate for my shortcomings and don't know how to turn the learned behaviors off. I overcompensate.

Thanks for the explanation.

I suppose that means you aren't your real self and got stuck in the pretending to be normal bit. Understandable.

Only when out with people...at home or with friends, I just am. I've been accused MANY times of "trying too hard". I think that must be it.

oh, you think you are an Atypical Aspie because you were told there was a 'typical' Aspie and you are not one of those. Alright. That's valid. I just have a difference of opinion about there being a 'typical Aspie' at all.

I have had quite a history in my long life, for I never knew I was/am an Aspie until last year. I have had jobs, kept jobs, lived on my own for over 45 years, opened a restaurant, two delicatessens and many many a booth at a fair or concert. I could go on and on and on (and I do ) but my point is we are ALL atypical Aspies because I don't think that there is a 'typical' Aspie.

Merle

That could be...I wasn't diagnosed till last year, either. I'm middle-aged and always knew I was "different", but never understood why or how. I guess I don't know if there is a "typical Aspie" or not. I do know that I don't really seems to fit in anywhere, NT-land or Aspie-land. So, I sometimes say "I can't even figure out how to be WEIRD right!! !" As it is, I am just me.

i agree with the sentiment that it is a reason not an excuse. it is not fair to say that the problems can be chalked up to laziness.

am wonder whether 'atypical aspie' is more in referal to pddnos as it is 'atypical autism',and is what atypical auties and aspies get labelled with [ie,those who don't quite meet either criteria for some reason].

I'm lucky that i've never had anyone accuse me of using my AS for an excuse.

My last boyfriend once said I used it as an excuse just because I took his joke literal and I called myself stupid and then I said "For god's sake I have AS."


Is atypical AS someone who isn't a stereotype aspie or don't have the classic symptoms? I guess I am one too. I'm not too rigid, I like surprises depending on what they are, I can socialize, I don't have many sensory issues, I have standard hearing, I was really never bothered the schedule changes in my school, math wasn't my best subject nor was I never good at it like an aspie, I'm not a genius, I don't have any of the stereotypical interests nor a photographic memory, I was never a little professor, I am flexible.


Does anyone know what atypical autism is? Someone who doesn't have the classic autistic behavior?

Atypical autism is someone who doesn't meet the full criteria for autistic disorder, i.e., you're missing some of the required criterions, but you're still autistic (social impairment, verbal impairment, but you lack the narrow interests/rituals).

Atypical autism comes under the heading PDD-NOS; PDD-NOS is supposed to be the most common ASD.

ASD is an adequate excuse for many things; if you needn't have said excuse, you wouldn't have said disorder as it won't affect your ability in the ways the disorder is defined, i.e., no one will say with negative connotation that a blind person is using their blindness as an excuse and should "get over it", "open their eyes" and then see because I who have functioning eyes can.

And that is exactly the one thing I was planning to say to my teachers. I wondered whether it would be too provocative, but reading it from someone else and realising it doesn't sound half as bad and I now think it'll be perfectly okay to say it if a teacher means to say that I should grow-up and be like my non-autistic peers.





I also think there's a distinctive difference between 'excuse' and excuse in the sense of reason.

I didn't want to got to my school and explain about difficulties I had because my autism clashed with some of the school's demands, because at first I didn't want to use an 'excuse'. Now I've gotten bad behavioural grades for autistic symptoms - great trouble with reaction to the unexpected, communication difficulties, different idea of 'team work'. I'll ghave trouble finding work with these and the teachers explained to me their idea of my behaviour - which was totally off.
I realised I either had to take the bad grades for something I fail to change even though I try hard at this moment or had to make the diagnosis worth something and make them see the autistic reality.

Nothing has happened yet and I didn't tell anyone, but I plan on telling now that this 'meeting' with the teachers can happen asap.

I know I can work in a team, I've already done this and it was successful, including overcome crises, but I can only do this under different circumstances than they're given in school. I want to team work too, because from what my friends told me and even some of my 'school enemies' that's something I can do, although they also said my work style is 'unique'. Whatever they meant by it, I have no idea whether it was an accusation or not.

So, when I tell the teachers I can't do it the school's way but I can do it another way that isn't easier or more fun, but just different, then I think it's a 'reason' and not an 'excuse off something'. I have my doubts that the teachers will see it like that too though.