Jealous of NTs

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SpiderMonkey, I just noticed a trend by looking at another one of your posts. You think you are better than NTs, don't you?

If so, I believe you are seriously misguided.

Then again, I think it's maybe more an Executive-Dysfunction thing which runs through many disorders.

I am not jealous of NT's. Things are hard for me, but that is just a world that I would not want to be apart of. And sometimes being the way I am can pull out the sincere NT's from the jerks.

And somehow, I get noticed very often by people and I don't even have to try. If I go to a club to play pool or just dance, I get noticed for not being like the NT's. I get noticed for not talking with anyone, or not drinking beer (I drink soda) just being different. That is what brings people to me. I think that if I was an NT I would be hidden with everyone else.

I could just not imagine being an NT. I could not live within the box.

Oh, I used to be jealous of non-autistics that are good at sports, how they handle themselves in social environments, able to get into relationships, how they don't have my developmental delays...

...but now I'm more grown up about it.

Elitist. Go figure.

(baleted)

Last edited by DrizzleMan on 11 Sep 2005, 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to be jealous before I stopped caring about fitting in and being social. That changed about 8 months into my current job. Then I found out about AS and found out that many of my traits aren't "character defects" like I had thought them to be. If someone had told me what was different about me much earlier in life, I might have been spared the self-hatred I've dealt with for a lifetime.

Now I share an office with someone who typifies just about everything about NT's that I have always found annoying, frustrating, or confusing. This isn't to say that every NT is exactly like her, just that many of her comments and behaviors are the types of things that have tripped me up in the past.

Yes, things are hard for me a lot of the time (even stuff commonly considered to be simple) but I'm not so sure that becoming NT would alleviate all of my problems. I might magically start to love small talk, crowds, tight clothing made of strange fabrics, and stuff like that, but what would I lose?

I don't know. Sometimes, but in general, I wouldn't change myself for anybody!! !

and if you read a lot of articles about AS, or if you are selfcounscious enough, you can realize that people with AS can also be funny, smart, handsome (ok, we women, pretty) and have our own way to be charming. I haven't dated anybody yet, but I know love is not forbidden to us, and there is somebody for me..

The points raised: Meeting and dating girls, Group of Friends, Good at Sports, are all things that some, perhaps many, NT's fail at too.

I fail the test on all three criteria, but I suspect it has more to do with my personality than anything else. Admittedly, I did try when younger, but I tended to give up as I got older.

The only problem I have with being an alleged 'failure' in these things is that others who have nothing more to offer than me are remarkably successful in these endeavours.

Besides, I am more concerned about perceived inadequacy in areas that really matter such as having a worthwhile and rewarding career that uses my education and technical skills. Such a career would obviously come with all the benefits, such as a good standard of living, my own home, a car and so on.

It may be noticeable that those who have the trappings of success seem to have the other three things mentioned at the top of this post. I wonder whether there is any correlation between the two, or is that just a coincidence?

I wasn't as jealous of NTs so much as I was angry at myself for not being like everyone else. I never really wanted friends but I did, at least, want to achieve the lifestyle that most people my age are supposed to have, you know, like having a car, a driver's license, even, husband, kids, a lucrative position, all the things I, as a college grad, are supposed to have. I don't even look like a "grown" woman. I resemble a child that looks like an adult and don't have the type of sophistication or "worldliness" that causes people to respect me as a grown woman. This means that when I go shopping, I get followed around by security because my being just screams "weird" or I have a harder time finding gainful employment, even while having all the experience and credentials to back me up.

When I was looking for work in New York, a city that values extroversion and being "with-it", I was constantly advised by others that if I didn't put away my shyness(which, if I could, I would've, don't they think?) no one would hire me. And true to their word, the only job I got was a $7hr telemarketing position.

What hurts me the most is that the type of men I tend to attract are obviously mentally ill, homeless, weirdos, thugs or have other issues. The "normal" men don't even "see" me. I can be standing next to my NT friend and a man will come up and talk to her but doesn't even aknowledge my existance by glancing at me. The only reason I can figure this happens is that "like attracts like" and since I'm not an NT, I give out vibes that those also on the "outside" pick up.

Now that I know I have AS, I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be and don't feel the same amount of pressure to comform to society's standards. But I do wonder how much of a cost there will be for having AS if it's been this high so far.

And the meek shall inherit the earth

-some guy with a beard



we win

Yes I am bloody jealous of NTs. You name it!! !! !
My cousin, 21 (a year older than me) is the luckiest person I know. He's tall and good-looking, he's confident, he works in a car garage which he loves, he's bright, he drives a nice enough car, he's a cheerful lad, he has lots of mates, he has really pretty glamorous girlfriends, he gets mates or girlfriends to take him on wonderful holidays abroad (and they pay for him), he's an easy person to get on with. . . what I'll give to be him. Sometimes I find I get horribly jealous of him. I start wishing things like he'll bang his head so hard that he'll get epilepsy or something else to jeopidise his luck what he has. I don't mean it personally becausehe's my cousin, but sometimes I just wish that was me who was lucky. I'm the complete opposite. Listen:-

I'm unattractive, unconfident, can't find a job, not clever with anything in particular, failing lots of driving tests and starting to loose interest in driving, miserable arrogent cow, only have 4 friends, no lads fancy me, never get took on holiday abroad, difficult to get on with. . . there's nothing nice going for me. Not at all. I can't even sit back and think of the good things about me, 'cos there aren't no good things about me. I'm lumped with this nasty, cruel disability, and I'm starting to get really fed up with watching people around me living a sociable life-style. It's making me feel more and more isolated and more and more miserable.

Now I've found I'm in the most worst position of all. Listen:-
I'm looking for a job in a shop, because most shops allow you to work at week-ends, bank holidays and over Christmas, and this is what I want. I'd rather be out working on boring days like these because I have nothing else to do. But - I can't stand the sound of babies and toddlers screaming and bawling right in my ear - and this is what you get when you work in a shop. There's no escape from the nasty, noisy, horrible, little brats. I cannot block out the sound of the noise - instead I just stare at them feeling worried and desperate to get away from them. I can't put up with this every day at work.
So I thought a quiet office job will do me - but then most office assistant jobs work Mondays to Fridays, and get week-ends, bank holidays and Christmasses off - and so this is the problem.

If I was a NT I wouldn't be suffering this. I'll be able to block off loud noisy brats if I worked in a shop, and if I worked anywhere else I wouldn't mind having bank holidays and all that off because I would have had more friends to go and see or more things to do.

Stupid, f*****g NTs - they don't know they're born!

Every once in a while I become jealous of certain aspects of NTs. Then I remember I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

My sisters are the same way. I'm not jealous of all people with "normal" brain chemistry, but I am jealous of my sisters, specifically. They have friends, my dad likes them, they are athletic and focused and they aren't quite as uptight as I am.

I'm jealous of how confident NTs are in conversation. It seems natural and enjoyable for them, and that's something I've always wished I could do, but can't. The dating thing also hurts me as well. I always wonder how they are able to candidly express their affection to each other, especially in public! Just like in the movies. I wonder if I'll ever look like that .. haha

I do get jealous but not mad, just sad. I'm kind of terrified to complain because I don't want to look back and think these were easy days. But almost everything I do, outside of playing video games, working on a intellectual or physical project, and reading here, I have to force myself. Anything out in the world, around anyone, is stressful. It has always been this way for me. When it turns out to be easy and fun, worth forcing myself, it is a miracle. I have a friend whose mom is a great cook. I have a secret trust for her cooking and eat almost everything she cooks. She has no idea of what a miracle it is and how much I adore her. I don't trust anyone's cooking. I am anxious eating anywhere, it is never ok. But I love her cooking and her Martha Stewart presentation. I love it when someone takes extra care, notices all the components. I appreciate it beyond anyone's comprehension. Every minute of every day all my life has been a grind. My brain is in constant misfire unless completely focused on something. I am happy when I am in the 'zone' with an interest but I cannot be interrupted or expect to deal with anything about normal life. I don't eat regular or sleep regular and get agitated if I have to stop and answer a phone. I get things done and it is done perfect. I am happy in those times. But most of the time people just confuse me, pressure me or are disappointed with me. They may appreciate my skills and abilities but don't appreciate my ways and how much time I need alone.

Why would I be jealous of people who I have nothing in common with. Most of my NT same sex peers, are into keeping up with the latest trends and music. I wish to stay true to the things, that I like. I'm also working, so that's another reason for me, not to be jealous. I have my own place. A third reason for me not to feel jealous. I also look like a young version of a 60s celebrity. Not many of my same sex peers, look like the celebrities, that they wish to look like. A fourth reason for me, not to be jealous. I also enjoy my own company. Not many females my age, are able to enjoy their own company. Why would I be jealous of people who can't enjoy their own company? The NTs of my same sex age group, are a waste of my time. Time that I can spend on my special interests, and the Internet.