Death

Post Reply New Topic

I've heard all of your different reactions from the older aspies. One giggles at funerals! I told her she can giggle when I go.

You are who you are. Don't listen to anyone's judgment of you.

Sodarktheshadows says it well - you grieve in your own way. It may come to the surface when you least expect it.

A friend of my once said that she'd only cry over minor things. When it came to the bigger things, like losing someone for example, it's like it's beyond tears, it's bigger than crying. And that's how I feel too. When I lost my father it took quite some time before I cried, but I never felt I wasn't grieving. I think about him every day. But I don't feel sentimental about it, and I don't have a "this is how you grieve"-response that kicks in, like I feel the rest of my family has. I've actually wondered if there's like a more "realistic way of grieving", ha ha, but I don't know if that's true.

When I was 13 I decided to stop crying ('cos I thought people looked so frightening when they were crying, what with the distorted face - !), and since then it's been really hard to get back to it, too. The spontaneous response is gone. I have friend that sometimes if something bad happens will cry up to five times a day, "'cos it's so nice to get it out". She'll actually make pauses in work to go crying a little. Even though it's weird I can get a little jealous of that efficiency!

Ive seen my NT father crying over someone who had died that had once lived next door to him.I asked him why he was crying and he told me it was because it was very sad.He never sees him so he cant miss him which is the only reason i can think of for being sad.I have been in care and moved familys i have noticed that i cant miss people.If someone goes away it meens nothing to me how long they are gone unless they affect what happens on the average day.My mother asked me if i would cry if she died and i could not answer because i really have no idea.

When someone close to you dies, the emotion that will affect you the most isn't the sadness now, it will be the empty loneliness you'll feel in a few months when you want to talk to your great grandpa.

At first you'll feel a sense of confusion, then sadness, but then a real sense of being utterly alone.

But you are comforted by the fact that, in death, your great grandpa isn't suffering anymore.

I second the motion!! She right!

This is how I feel, too. When my great-grandmother died, I was not sure what I should be doing at her funeral, so I tried to look all depressed like everyone else. I do not cry, either, except for when I am in pain. The last time I cried was about a year ago, when some idiot punched me in the nose.

When people die I honestly don't feel anything, the only time I think I've ever cried over something dying is when my pet rat died because he was like my little baby and i love animals much more then any human I currently know.

I'm more of the type to laugh at a funeral then cry.

I can't approach a lifeless body. Emotion just bubbles up and it's a well... can't stop the flow. :\ Even if I don't know the person I get teary-eyed. A few years back my grandma (one of the few empathic people in my life) passed away suddenly from arteriosclerosis... she had been a very heavy smoker and told no one, not even my grandpa. To tell you all the truth I wish that woman was still alive, because since then everyone else has changed. Right now my grandpa sits alone for days on end, smoking and watching TV, because there's no one to interact with, and my mom drives 250 mi altogether to take care of him. Death changes people in a very weird fashion...

Apart from there being no great in fromt of grandfather, and him not living in Texas, my story is the same as yours.
I loved him, and yet I feel no sadness. I remember my littlesister looking at me with teary eyes and a furious look and ask me "If I wasn't sad at all?" That hurt me, I am not a monster (or a robot) I just didn't feel sad.
I did cry at his funeral though... although I have NO idea why I did this. He had cancer, he had the nurses give him extra morfin because it shortens your life, he wanted to die! And I believe that there is an afterlife where he is now happy. So why cry?
Bleh... I guess we aspies simply aren't made to understand human emotion, not even our own.

I feel the shock and sadness when death happens, but I don't cry!

I'm sorry for your loss being your great-grandfather by the way!

There is no 'normal' when it comes to death,there is no specific way written into the human race that says the person must be a certain way or do a certain thing,more so for auties and aspies.
If other people have a problem with how someone else has reacted,it's their problem that they need to deal with.
It's a unique experience to everyone.


Am find death a very difficult subject to accept,am unable to understand it unless am able to feel the body,a few years ago,along with family and a load of relatives from ireland,am went to the place where they send dead people to before they are buried,as aunt Francis was kept there,am had to touch her body,to comprehend what was happening.
Am not affected by human death,but am have meltdowns if a pet am had related to dies.

I've never cried at a funeral, but I've never been to the funeral of someone 'close' to me either.

When the time comes, I don't know how I'll react. It will be interesting to find out, to say the least.

I feel bad at times, and sometimes I almost feel angry at everyone that is crying. Not in a "you people are bad!" sort of way, but I get to thinking that they are kind of selfish to be that upset, especially if the person died in a horribly painful way. I almost wanna ask them "so... you would rather them still be in pain simply to keep you happy?"

I'm not uncaring, I mean, I know they are sad because the person is gone, but for some reason, it's still the first thing I think about. If someone says someone died, I will ask first "how did it happen?" before I say anything about feeling sorry for them. I mean, I'll say sorry usually only if they are super upset visibly, or if the situation was something sudden or unexpected. If it was pretty obvious that it was coming, I don't say sorry. I'll just say "at least he/she isn't in pain anymore" or something along those lines because I refuse to indulge in a pity party of some form when one is looking for sympathy due to being upset for selfish reasons.

Yes, I know it sounds harsh probably, but I don't mean it to be. That's just how I think about it.

It's something I wrote here once: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf40921-0-15.html
I was always wondering if others can really experience true, strong emotions like crying for someone who died. If my mother died, I'd be sad and shocked because it would be a form of reminding me of my mortality too - I hope you get what I mean: there are things that always happen to others not to us nor our friends and relatives and death is one of them and while my mother wouldn't be among those living ones anymore who could guarantee it to me that it couldn't happen to me too in the close future? Anyway, I'd be forced to face life on my own then. But it would be the only case when I'd be able to feel sadness after someone's passing away.

When I was 9, my great grandmother died. I did not cry at all. I really didn't feel much of anything. Instead, my mind was preoccupied w/ the fact that I was not a pallbearer because I was not a first born son...

When I was 20, my best friend's mom died. I had almost no reaction whatsoever when he told me that she died, because of my aspieness + I was completely SHOCKED, because it was totally unexpected. He was living w/ her and his stepfather, and he hated his stepfather, so he moved out and I didn't know how to contact him, and he never contacted me again.

When I was about 22, my cat (the most awesome cat EVER) died. I felt a HUGE loss and I still miss her very much, but I don't think I shed more than a few tears.

My Grandpa died a few months ago, and I sorta felt guilty about not crying--- I don't feel so bad now about not feeling bad. I think it must depend on who dies. When my dad died, I DID cry, but even then I did not take off from school or work--- I didn't see how giving myself more time to think about something unpleasant to me would make it better. It wouldn't change anything, so I worked and studied.