How do you cope?

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If someone asks me a direct question about a topic that interests me I'm ok but if they say something like what's new or what have you been up to I find it really hard to answer. Small talk is difficult

that's like exactly where I am. It helped a lot that my therapist told me that everybody's gotta take some risks in social life... that helped so much that I was even happy when I invited someone somplace and he said no... I thought "that's the risk, that's gotta happen sometime." I also didn't like the idea that I wasn't being social because I was risk-averse. In other things I take lots of risks.

The other thing that helped was thinking "I have nothing, so I have nothing to lose." Seriously, my social life could not be MORE nonexistent. (or less existent?) (as if there were degrees of nonexistence). Whatever; it was dead and so, what's to lose?

I'm not much into sitting around having coffee or eating meals so I tend to invite people to do things other than that. It doesn't make conversation easy, but conversation's not easy anyway. Mostly i like to do things like hiking, bike rides, rock climbing... if I'm going to do it anyway, I've got nothing to lose by inviting someone along. If they say no then I go anyway and have fun. Sure it's a little upsetting when someone says no but not that much.

I try to focus on the things about myself that I think are interesting and likeable, and hope to find people who like that stuff too.

What do you mean, approaching them? Women are just people, there's no mystery. (speaking as one, and also, thinking about this in terms of me & men.) If you mean approaching them in a romantic way, well, there's a huge gray area between friendship and romantic relationship. It's actually mostly gray area. Eventually, if you see some reciprocal encouragement you have to pick your spot and go for it. I am particularly bad at this because being physically close to someone new sends off those "fight or flee" signals in me. You just gotta hope the new person is patient or persistent or something. And you take the risk.

well, I have been married three times, and have had at least 30 close intimate relationships and hundreds of casual encounters. Usually they come to me unless I see somthing I want and make them notice me. I don't remember not getting what I wanted, however more often than not, I am not interested after a few pillow conversations and they can't mentally keep up with me.

Merle

I did the whole "f**k this, I'm being social" thing years ago, and I like what I've learned. But, I still know there's stuff I need to figure out.

Generally i can cope having AS fine. There are times where it really bothers me, sometimes i just get out there other times i stick to being indipendant.