Do You Ever Feel Like You're Talked Over.

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Desolation_boi
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20 Mar 2008, 2:47 pm

Gah!! I have a real problem with this.
It's happened since I was young and has always been frustrating. I used to get real depressed about it, thinking no one liked me or wanted to hear what I had to say. As a result I stopped sharing my opinions as much as I wanted to and only when in the company of close friends (and it still happpened then). It really makes you feel like complete crap when people cut you off and act like you're not speaking.

It's like no one cares enough to listen or doesn't think I'm saying something important. Because of this I seem to have developed a hatred of being ignored (as I so often was as a child) and get slightly hostile when it happens. Mostly I just stop talking and reason that if they don't want to take the time to listen, then I just won't share. My opinions are of value to me and me alone these days.
I don't willingly share unless I need to. When they refuse to listen to something important I say, I simply wait untill whatever I was warning them of happens, then laugh. This happens a lot with my firends. They ask why I didn't say anything, I reply because they wern't listening. This normally shuts them up.

I wonder why this happens? Is it lack of proper communication on our part? Do NT's experience this too? Does everyone and we just feel more offended by it?
Great to know other people have had this happen to them too though. For the longest time I thought I was alone in this.


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20 Mar 2008, 3:34 pm

Reading these posts made me think of something I do to other people...

If I'm at work, or out in public, and I run into someone I know... I'll start talking with them... then if someone else I know walks by... I'll turn my head and start talking to them!... then I turn back to the first person, continuing our previous conversation... only to turn back to the second person to continue that conversation!... until one of them gives up and walks away.
Sometimes I will introduce them to each other, but usually I just try to keep the separate conversations going.

And I can guarantee that if anything else happens within my view I may just take a moment to check that out too!

I relate this directly to my ADD/HD so I have an excuse! :twisted:


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20 Mar 2008, 3:53 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I get talked over a lot espeacially in my family. I use to think it was because I spoke quietly. So now it's like I have to yell and it sucks since it sounds like I'm being rude. When I'm with a group of people I either put my 2 cents in and get the feeling like I said nothing or I say nothing. Now I've never been good at small talk, I don't know if that would have anything to do with it. Whenever I bring a topic up, I feel ignored. No one says anything. I have at least 2 people that seem to know what I'm saying. I hear this topic a lot among aspies. What's the deal? Who else has this problem?


I have had this problem all of my life. Like you, I thought I was just talking too quietly, because I do tend to do that. So, I tried speaking louder, but that didn't work either. When I was a little kid I used to have these really bad dreams that I was invisible. No matter how hard I tried to talk to people, and get their attention, I was ignored. I think those dreams were a direct reflection about how I felt in real life.

I prefer to chat one on one with people over being in a group. At least then I feel like I'm being heard.



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20 Mar 2008, 5:38 pm

Yeah, usually one on one works better with me. Also, I get that same feeling of, am I really invisible?

This thought has gotten so bad for me personally that I wonder if my way about going with things has gotten outwardly aggressive. I've had ppl ask why I seem angry or act sarcastic. I don't want to have an attititude about it, but when I bring it up they act like I don't know what I'm talking about. So it's not been an easy case for me to verbalize. I know that part of it contributes to having Asperegers but still you'd think that someone in the NT world would get it.

I'm not trying to say that NTs don't have this problem either BTW, it just feels like I'm misconstrued all the time with ppl. Good to know I'm not alone on this issue.



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20 Mar 2008, 7:38 pm

I feel like I get talked over AND ignored.

I can be saying something and then notice that people aren't even listening and they are talking about something completely different!
Also, I often say things and it seems like people ignore what I said or pretend I didn't say it.

This mainly happens when at home with other family members. It's like they think what I say is somehow less important than what other people are talking about.
I've also noticed that sometimes when I am talking about something serious, like illness or global warming, they make jokes about it and don't take it seriously...but if someone else talks about it they DO take it seriously!


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20 Mar 2008, 7:43 pm

I have never been talked over, but I have dealt with long-winded people who tend to monopolize the conversation. It is tough, in these instances, to know if it your turn to speak.



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20 Mar 2008, 7:54 pm

I'm talked over quite frequently, at least two or three times per week, by teachers, family, peers. It used to hurt; I'm used to it now. I talk quietly, so perhaps that's part of it, but in most of them, I know they hear me.

I just don't talk much now. If they don't want to hear what I'm going to say, why should I put the effort into saying it?


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Brandon-J
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20 Mar 2008, 9:48 pm

My reason has been is because I didn't speak up loud enough. I think also I didn't time it right. See in an conversation people change the tone of their voice when they are wrapping up what they are going to say. And we don't always catch that. Also for me anyways I'm not an fast talker at all. I have trouble saying words quickly and I stumble over words. That doesn't help neither. Also I think when we talk we don't have that feeling and tone when we say words. We talk plainly therefore it seems like we're not assertive or confident when we saying it. So people would pay it no mind.



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20 Mar 2008, 9:50 pm

i do in a big groups.



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21 Mar 2008, 12:34 am

Most of my imediate family members don't do this to me, a couple do when we're around other people though. I've had it where people act like they didn't hear what I just said or don't answer my question. My dad does this often because his mind is completely unable to multitask. I'll repeat the question thinking he must not have heard me, but then he'll reply in a harsh tone as if I'm being annoying asking the same question twice. It's almost always a perfectly valid, appropriate, and simple question. A simple yes, no, or I'm not sure usually suffices.

Then there's the one where people stop listening to you midsentence to talk to someone else. It's fine if they're just saying hi and aknowleging someone they know, and promptly return their attention back to you, apoligise and ask you to repeat that last part. But it's pretty bad when they seem like they simply forgot you were even there to begin with. The one that really gets me are the people that try to text with someone else while pretending they are listening to you. I got tired of the fake "Uh-huh. Yeah? (click click click)" so I refuse to carry on conversations with people while they are texting. Sometimes one of them will notice that I'm no longer talking to them, and will put their phone away. But seriously, how is it that people can't see the rudeness of that until they are given a hint??



Last edited by Pithlet on 21 Mar 2008, 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

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21 Mar 2008, 1:03 am

I am constantly talked over and seem to get interrupted all the time, I feel like what I have to say is of no consequence, I'll start talking but before I get half a word out someone else starts talking, and they keep doing it



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21 Mar 2008, 1:24 am

No questions asked. In fact, folks- I have the ultimate solution to your problem. First off, there's a "code word" NTs use when they don't care...it's the phrase "oh yeah?".

SO, I NEVER use that phrase, and people always assume I actually care- I say "nice".

But it DID teach me to shut my mouth...A LOT. I just don't talk much anymore, because of it.

In fact sometimes- MOST times, truth be told, I just say as little as possible.

Several years ago, one of my former classmates( at that time, still a classmate), said to me "you used to say so much, Russell! What happened?" I said "I found out no one was listening." And when she said "you've really changed since last year, I just said in a very cold way to her "things change, people change".



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21 Mar 2008, 2:29 am

Reading these stories makes me want to lash out and say, "Hey I'm talking to you. Don't you know it's rude to just ignore people!" Of course it won't change the situation, but if I can get someone to think... maybe they may realize it at a later time in their life.