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oblio
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25 Mar 2008, 6:21 am

spudnik wrote:
I have the feeling they would want to trow a gunny sack over me and haul me off somewhere 8O


behind a rock in the WP region, i presume?

i bet that article was written by an aspie
with a fatal feel for self-mockery


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zen_mistress
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25 Mar 2008, 6:43 am

Quote:
# People with Asperger's can be dangerous as doms in a BDSM relationship. Since they can't read people very well, they can make big mistakes.
# People with Asperger's are probably good subs. But don't, for the love of god, assume you can read them. Make absolutely certain they understand the safe-word and when it's appropriate to use it.


Grrrr... not that I want to be in a BDSM relationship, but who gave that jerk a licence to say we should only be "subs", .... grrrrrr.


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Who_Am_I
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25 Mar 2008, 7:07 am

silentchaos wrote:
Step #6 : After you have gained his or her trust bring some sort of food( they often like cheese or doritos) and slowly place it between them and you. They will probably back away at first but be patient, soon they will take it. If they run away don't worry, they will learn it was you and slowly come to like you.


:lmao:
Quote:
1. Find someone who displays characteristics of Asperger's. You can't exactly do any of the other steps if you don't.

What? Someone's noticed me?
Quote:
2. Approach them slowly, and casually. If you see them in one spot every day, say around noon, start bringing your lunch to that spot, and sit next to them. Don't talk to them the first time, let them get used to your presence first.


What in God's name does this person want? (Of course, this presumes that I've noticed them... people tend to blur into one another when your mind is occupied with more interesting things.)

Quote:
3. Start a small conversation. People with Asperger's are not very good at conversations, so you will probably need to lead them. You know, start by introducing yourself, and asking their name, then ask them about themselves. For now you just want to get them talking, what about isn't really important yet.

I have book. I have GOOD book. I enjoy book. You interrupt. You go away now.
Quote:
4. Try to find some common ground, some activity that both of you enjoy. Agree to get together some time and do it. Show up for the get-together on time.

If they want to start a musical ensemble with me, I'm up for that. Otherwise, getting together seems pointless. If you want to read or do logic puzzles, you don't need me there to enjoy it. Most things that I like are better on their own. (Of course, if you're an attractive guy, I can think of one thing that's better with 2 people... )

Quote:
5. Lay your emotions bare to them. Tell them how you feel, even when you think it's patently obvious, and ask them to do the same. They'll love you for it.

No, I'll love you if you can explain to me WHY you are feeling that way. I'm more interested in your thoughts; I get sick of people and their endless feelings.
Quote:
6. If they are acting strangely, tell them (if it dangers them or others). It's importent to let them know. Don't say it meanly either, just say: "Most people don't do that"; or, "That's usually considered inappropriate"; or just "Please don't do that". If it's no harm to anyone, then leave them alone. It could be a comfort to them.

Good advice.
Quote:
7. Introduce them to your other friends, and try to keep everyone getting along. They may act differently in the presence of your friends, or their friends. They may simply not get along. Don't try to force them to get along with your friends... They will probably be most outgoing when encountered one on one.

I don't want to be introduced to peoples' friends! I HATE people in groups!
I want to be left alone, not forced out with MORE people. Gah.



[


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TheDoctor82
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28 Mar 2008, 2:40 am

So according to this...we're dogs who need to be trained, huh?

The funny thing is this piece actually sorta contradicts itself- at ONE point it says "lay it out right in the raw for them how you feel", and other times it says "approach the wild animal carefully- offer it a dorito; they like doritos". It's almost like a clueless NT wrote this...OHHH WAIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! :lol:

This reminds me of a funny situation I used to deal with in high school. This one kid in my class- we'll just call him Josh( for privacy's sake, I'm not giving his last name) used to come sit by me for a few minutes every day, in gym class, and ask me how everything was, and just try to make some small conversation. To THIS DAY, I have no idea why he did it, but I barely trusted the intentions.

See, if you and other people are to be friends, the chemistry will naturally be there. Treating us like a National Geographic expo is sort of lame IMO, and overly laughable.



gekitsu
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28 Mar 2008, 3:25 am

well, i guess the article is better than no advice at all.

point 1 is kinda obvious

point 2 is a so-so thing. i know from myself that i need to get used to a person before developing the possibility of interest, but i dont know if sitting next to me is a good thing to do. hanging around the same places at the same times isnt bad advice, though. at that stage, even little conversations can be okay... just no heavy and personal stuff. depending on where the location is, say, a section of the university library, small topical conversations are perfectly fine with me. little things like that actually please me, even if it interrupts me, because sometimes it feels nice being shown that you dont scare away all and everything except cats.

point 3 - yeah... i guess once i got used to someone, i am able to also talk, like REALLY talk. like, content and stuff. the ability to do that will earn craploads of bonus points.

point 4 isnt bad, but may not be for everyone. this move will absolutely piss me off when what i interpreted as clear signs that i am not interested are ignored. unfortunately, most people are completely oblivious to those clear, huge, neon-colored signs.

point 5 is really useful to have people know. they really need to get over feeling awkward for doing so, just as we have to get over feeling awkward asking for their emotions when we arent clear on the matter.

point 6 is a nice attempt, but i usually dont care about social approrpiateness. i care about being appropriate on my terms.

point 7 is to be handled VERY carefully. i can see how a lot of aspies could shoot someone to the moon for trying that. i only trust my best friend enough to know when i could like someone, and introduce me to them. it wont hurt me to ask first - i can still reply that im not too fond of that kind of stuff.

-----

the tips...
well, tip 1 is always suitable, not only to aspies, and should be a no-brainer to everyone you try to relate to, aspie or not. actually, i may rule people out if they need this rule.

tip 2 is uberbad. nough said

tip 3 is all about the measure... its certainly nice having someone take your side at times. at least i have the feeling of always ending up alone against a number of opposing fronts.

tips 4-7 are good to keep in mind, i guess. i mean, it really sucks to have people conform to tell us whats going on inside them, but unfortunately, theres no real way around.

what i think is a good thing is genuine interest and showing thereof, even to the extent of bluntly stating it, should i not get it the first and second time around :)
someone showing open interest in me at least hs high chances of piqueing my curiosity, which is something not many people manage to do to begin with.



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28 Mar 2008, 1:54 pm

Instead of criticizing the content of the article you can edit it instead and make it more accurate.



SilverProteus
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28 Mar 2008, 2:06 pm

Quote:
Do not encourage someone with Asperger's to behave in an inappropriate manner. Doing so will likely cause them to behave in the inappropriate manner more often. Pretty soon they're doing it all the time. This is a bad thing.


This one is just so obvious it's hilarious.

The how article sounds like a How To for dummies. Comic, no doubt, but sort of dumb.


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KateShroud
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28 Mar 2008, 2:46 pm

I hope you guys don't think I'm dumb for asking, but what is a BDSM relationship? What was the writer talking about, besides getting on my nerves?



Elovic
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28 Mar 2008, 3:21 pm

Doesn't these "rules" apply to trying to get in touch with anyone, not typically aspies?


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GoatOnFire
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28 Mar 2008, 7:39 pm

KateShroud wrote:
I hope you guys don't think I'm dumb for asking, but what is a BDSM relationship? What was the writer talking about, besides getting on my nerves?


I believe it stands for Bondage Dominance Sadism Masochism. Basically kinky sex. The f**k who wrote that said we shouldn't be in control of kinky sex because we can't tell if the masochist has had too much pain.


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Sora
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29 Mar 2008, 10:46 am

Elovic wrote:
Doesn't these "rules" apply to trying to get in touch with anyone, not typically aspies?


I thought the very same. That's how I approach all people. I follow no. 2 even.