NT's make me so mad! Has this ever happened to you?

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Chimchar, don't let the fact that the friends you've made on WP are on the internet leave you believing that they are any less real than those cretins you attend school with. My friend Goldie died just a couple of years ago and I felt more pain and loss at his passing than many people who I knew personally, physically and up close.

High school is the nastiest worst place in the world for any intelligent human being to ever need to be.

That said, it may seem really hard to picture and really hard to believe, but 10 years from now, NONE of those people will matter to you in the least. In fact, believe it or not, you probably won't even remember their names.

I was ostracized in high school. When I answered questions, the kids who didn't know the answers didn't like it and they called me names. When we were writing tests and I refused to let them copy of me, the names got worse.

10 years later, I had a well-paying job and many of them were still doing the same crap they were doing in high school; which is sweet FA. I used what I had and I went places, they went nowhere. Dig deep and decide whether or not you really want to be friends with people like that and you'll discover that there are others around who aren't those scumbags, who will make far better friends... although, there's a good chance they're ostracized too.

Ostracization is better in numbers and makes for better hearts games too.

Sorry for that huge rant earlier I hope you didn't feel like I was judging you.
Like Pepperfire said, get some friends that are worth your time, Im not saying you should only have Aspie friends or anything but High Schools are huge, there has to be at least one guy or girl that you can get along with, you got so many different people right ther that there has to be someone like you, just keep looking.
I don't have a bazillion of friends I have like 4 but they are really worth it.

Let me explain something to you- THEY can't make YOU mad- only YOU can make yourself mad over the situation.

It's your choice how you choose to react to the situation.

You probably feel mad due to feelings of rejected...and maybe an inferiority complex thrown in for some good measure.

Don't blame them for THAT, though.

They will act how they will act- all you can do is decide how YOU will handle it.

People used to do it to me all the time. I no longer concern myself with it, as I have so many more important things to focus on now; mostly centered around my own well being, and success.

Honestly this sounds a lot like the mombo jumbo psychology stuff they tried to force down my throat. No...I dont have to get mad...I can just numb myself and pretend that it doesn't bother me when people are cruel.

Here is some more psycho babble.....Feelings are not right or wrong...actions can be.The OP did not DO anything bad and have a right to feel...exactly like they feel. Feeling that that when faced with constant ignorance and cruelty is called...sanity. Feeling nothing about it is called....denial.

I didn't get the feeling that they felt any inferiority either.They seemed intelligent enough to know that they were not the "problem",just a person who has to live with a problem...big difference.

While most of it may be indeed "psychobabble", a good chunk of it was brought up by a man named Dr. Albert Ellis. While his beliefs on self esteem were at best questionable, his REBT procedure is simply amazing, and works phenomenally.

Dude, I could insult you right here and now, and depending on how YOU choose to take it, you could be insulted, you could hate me, you could pay it no mind, or you could laugh like crazy at the stupid notion of why I'd even insult you.

It's all how YOU choose to take it. Remember- it's telling the other people JUST as much about you, when it happens, as it tells about them.

Yeah I know how you feel being left out in conversations. It happens in my own house sometimes. Just keep trying to talk up and be friendly. That's the only way it'll get better. The more you try to talk the more people will respect your opinion and listen. It's totally not our fault. We was born with aspergers so we couldn't help it.

When you read books about social skills, or how to read other people's expressions, do you sort of feel stupid?

When I read this stuff I get a bit uncomfortable.

Just to clarify,I'm not a dude...I'm a chick and I actually practice and benefit from many components of Ration Emotive Therepy. My issue with it, (I guess I would consider myself an Eclectic Psychobabbler,as I pick and choose what I see as logical and effect in several pschological "theories"...which are just that...not hard science but theory)is that I still feel the most effective method of dealing with reality is to except your feelings and be able to share them with others.

That is what this person is doing. They are describing their experince to a community that they believe has shared some of their experiences and wont condemn them for their feelings. Supressed emotion has never worked for me and I have seen it do some very destructive things to others who try to. (most often because they are shamed into not expressing them by the very bullies who are trying to inflict harm and then calling the person a cry baby if they are hurt.)I have no reason to believe your a bully and I think you are trying to be helpful. I grew up in a house of people who told me I was "over-reacting" to whatever physical or emotional experience I was having. As I'm sure you are aware...many of us are wired differently then NT's...just because the bright light doesn't hurt them does not mean that it does not hurt me. No one has the "right" to judge another persons physical or emtional response to painful stimula based on their own(I think just as many NT's suffer from this lack of Theory of Mind concerning AS as they claim we do of them)


So,we don't disagree that RET has some effectiveness(I think it can help people with AS even more then NT's because of our natural tendency towards systemizing and logic).I just think that before it can be put into practice(and there is a lot more to that then...."Just don't let it bother you...that's you choice if you do")...the individual should feel free to feel what they are feeling and express it without shame.

Hope that makes some sense.

You know REBT has some effectiveness, because I know it helped when I was dealing with my Alanon related problems. But when I feel like crap because someone has said something that makes me feel this way; knowing that what they said is only as powerful as I allow it to be is nothing if not psychobabble. Granted, time makes it easier.

I was in Grade 11 and they gave us ballroom dancing lessons in gym class. They decided to hold a competition. A geek friend of mine and I got really good at swing and jive and decided to enter... against my better judgement. Well, the teachers chose the couples ala 1950's style dance off until only four couples remained on the dance floor. Then in their ultimate stupidity, the teachers decided to let the students choose the winners. My partner and I went from a shoe-in win to an automatic loss. Knowing that I was giving THEM power by feeling bad didn't help. It didn't help then, it doesn't help now. I feel bad because it hurt; it hurt a lot and the very idea that feeling the pain and embarrassment is my own doing is a crock.

Aspies need to be allowed to cry when they're hurt or be angry when they are furious because that is what they are feeling. Easier to say to oneself, "this hurts NOW, but it won't matter ten years from now, and what goes around comes around". It doesn't make you feel any better at the time, but it helps you get past it long enough to realize that this will pass. Sometimes it doesn't pass, like here I am a grown woman remembering what happened that day and all I can remember is the pain and embarrassment; it doesn't hurt today like it did then, but it's one of my most profound memories.

G-d, I get so frustrated when people say "don't feel like that"... how can I not? It's how I feel. Dr. Ellis, IMHO had no concept and no doubt was NT.

Nothing, they are probably just slightly less developed than you. Thats why life is harder for you.

Trust me, it's not you. This was eight years of my life in public school. People don't let you work with them on group work or they isolate you because you're different and then everyone wonders why you're angry all the time.
Please hang in there. Don't give up. You are not alone.

TheDoctor82

Not to be harsh here..

The OP is already putting blame on herself. It comes across as this "It's YOU'RE fault you feel like that! you can change things. Why can't you do that?" When really it means something entirely different.

Saying "you're letting them do it" is taken as just that, but at a "my fault?" view point. To be able to do something to your emotions, imo, takes experiance. I think the blame should be dealt with first, if the rest is to be started.

They're too busy or stimulated inside to come over and talk to you, which is more stimulation... or else they're just stupid or ignorant. They need to perhaps be jolted into reality in that case by having some people come up to them. Is your problem that you don't want to bother them in case it's not that they just never thought of socializing with you, but they were just stimulated enough with their own lives? Or is it that you just don't want to hurt them by making them feel stupid that they never made friends with you? Hmmm, if you can and want to, you can try studying to see which ones are the ignorant/closed minded ones and which are the ones who really have enough stimulation, and the former, you can target and try and make friends with if they aren't really ignorant and closed-minded except for that.

What really gets me mad is if I am with a group of people talking, and I bring up a topic, someone will interup me with something else and the group will pay attention to them.

I think interupting is rude, but most of the NTs I know think its ok.

What really gets me mad is the freakish need some of them have to spy into other's private lives. I've no explanation for this behavior other than they're just freaks in dire need of therapy. It's sad, really.

Here are two possible explainations....

1)They are bored with their own lives
2)They want some info to go gossip about to others because they have no original thoughts of their own to talk about
3)They want to act like they care so they can take that information and use it against you in the future
4)They are actually interested in you as a person and want to know more about you

My problem is I usually can't tell the difference in someones motives and "assume" they are the same as mine..ie..some people are interesting and I like information might help me understand them better