Empathy problem?

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I can tell you that not all Aspies are like this. I'm not.

I can remember when Steve Irwin died, and they had that huge public memorial. I cried when his little daugter gave her speech. When she said the words "My daddy is the best in the world, and when I see an alligator I'll think of him," I damn near lost it.

One of my co-workers had a very risky heart operation, and she is currently on life-support with a million+ dollar hospital bill. I am terribly upset. She had just gotten married, and one of our cashiers was their best man and a close friend, and when I was talking to him about the situation, I could tell he was having a hard time speaking because he was so upset. I told my other co-worker about this and I then started tearing up over that.

i hope your co worker gets better soon

I was surfing the web for links between Asperger's Syndrome and Myers-Briggs personality types and I found this interesting alternative view about empathy for people with autism.

I've lost two very special people, one was my godfather when I was about 12 a total out of the blue massive heart attack. I think I was sad...but I didn't feel it, I didn't feel anything, I didn't cry or show any real emotion and everyone just said it was because my mum was effected so badly.
Then my Nana- my great grandma died last year she was 93 and really ill but I didn't cry or anything.
I miss them I think, but in the same way I miss people I haven't seen for a while, its like the connection is broken.

On the other hand I can get super upset about some things, we hit a pheasant once in the car and I couldn't stop crying and I went fishing once and the hook got caught in the fishes throat and it died and I cried a lot.

I'm a bit of a mix, myself -- I do feel things very intensely, so when I hear sad news, I actually "wait and see" to kind of balance my response. I get so bent out of shape about loss and change and tragedy, I have to pick and choose my attachments, or I spend all my time in tears and emotional turmoil. When someone is diagnosed tentatively or is getting over something, I have to withhold a bit, so I don't go over the top over nothing.

In the past, I've felt awful about not responding "appropriately" and I've gotten such crap from people for not being as distraught as they were over events. But that's just how I am.

Greyhound, maybe you're the same way?

Selectively distressed? I think of it as emotional self-management.

Then again, sometimes I really just don't care. I only have so much energy for NT-intersecting life.

I must have read greyhound's post wrong. I thought it was about being upset about people dying in general instead of family dying or people you know well.



I didn't feel sad when my grandfather died.

Anyways when my dad told me one day when I was at work, I was surprised. i didn't even get upset. I think I was in shock because I didn't feel anything. I knew he was going to die but I didn't know when he would. I wasn't expecting he die that weekend. I went out to Montana to see my family and my whole family was there, and we did the memorial service and I didn't even cry but my aunt Mary did, my cousin Meridith, and my mother cried too and I found out other people were crying too during it. Was it just me that lacked empathy or is that normal for everyone when an elderly dies, they don't feel sad at all?

My mother told me it was because he was old, he couldn't do anything, he was very weak, couldn't do things anymore like he used to do and his memory was gone. He needed care 24/7. He wasn't himself like he was when I was a kid. So it was a relief when he passed away, it meant he had a good life and he was ready to go. I would be ready to die too if my life was that way as an elderly .

I still don't understand much about what true empathy actually is. I know I've experienced it for people and animals, but I know there are times when I should have felt something but didn't, and times when I should've showed that I felt something but didn't know how.

When people I know get hurt, for example, I want to help if I can. But even if I fully understand their pain (mabe not since I'm hyposensitive to pain) I don't feel anything for them or any desire to commiserate with them. I just want to help. If I can't help, and their wound isn't serious, I ignore them because that's what I'd want if no one could actually make it better. The same idea can be applied to emotional pain. I don't want people to feel sad any more than I'd want them to be injured. But if I don't know how to fix the problem, I treat them the same way I'd want to be treated, and leave them alone. I guess I kind of show my own empathy by not showing empathy, if that makes any sense. I don't know what else to do, or if I have some idea of what may be expected, I don't know what to say or how to say it except for "That sucks" or "I'm so sorry" depending on the situation. I usually don't feel anything at all unless I really really identify with both the person and the experience. I usually don't presume to put myself in the shoes of someone I don't know well, because I understand that I wouldn't experience it the same anyway.

Animals are much easier to understand than people, so they're also much easier to help when they are hurt or distressed. I think that's possibly why I'm able to show more empathy with them, and bond with them easily. I know how to make animals feel happy and comfortable. People, not so much.

I feel more empathy for all creatures, with wet, black noses (animals of all breeds and sizes), than I feel for most people. :O)

I have for the longest time considered myself to be a monster because I was unaffected by other people's news of health scares, financial disasters, brushes with death, or even death itself. At least recently I can start to acknowledge that I'm not a monster in that regard

What I have found, however, is a sort of panic when I attempt to contemplate the death of individuals who provide some sort of support. Or someone who, if they suddenly perished, would cause a lot of upheaval and change in my life.

On the other hand, I am still trying valiantly not to joke about death as it is never quite as funny to others as it is to me.

My empathy levels seem to vary. The only way I truely feel empathy is if I've undergone the same/similar experience, and I get a kinda similar feeling if I try to understand how the person's experience would feel to me if I underwent it. If I don't try to do that I usually don't feel anything, though there have been exceptions.