"Selling out" in order to fit in with NTs

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Bullying isn't essential for respect. It might improve your popularity among peers for some time, but what's to say today's bully won't become tomorrow's victim? The world is like that; people's roles change constantly.

Answering the main question, yes I have sold out from time to time, but I've stuck to my guns as much as possible. I don't monologue at people anymore, and I mostly keep my interests to myself, which is a shame in a way.

I have done some verbal teasing but I don't resort to physical violence.

I've seen this in action, though it's somewhat more common for groups of women to attack other women.

You won't feel like a "sell out" when you understand that acting like someone with AS is not normal and you are making people around you feel uncomfortable by acting the way you do.

Normal is being social, respectful, and not acting strange.

Trying to act normal isn't bad in and of itself. What's bad is compromising for NTs and getting nothing but disappointment in return, or taking on the negative traits of NTs instead of the positive ones.

It takes a long time to change. Years and years. I have changed tremendously, but it took almost 10 years to get where I am today.

As for taking on the "negative" traits, it is important to know that what you view as "negative" is actually accepted by NTs. Just don't overdo the negative traits. There is a fine line between being a badass/tough guy and being a jerk (which is what you don't want to be).

I think the mimicry that some of us do is a blessing and curse. Depending on the role models we mimic, we can be eccentrically charismatic or we can be painfully narcissistic (truly a thin line between the two). I have felt the need to "sell out" and compromise the integrity of a situation for the sake of not being the next victim. Everytime I did it, I hated myself for doing it and the very people I was trying to ingratiate myself to expected me to do it again or cared not for my ethical torsion. Usually at this point, I just alienated myself from everyone as I felt traitorous towards the victimizer and pitiful in the face of the victim. It's really a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. I guess one just has to learn how to walk one's own line. Things don't have to be black-white, victimizer-victim, but the people you choose to associate with are the people who will feed your integrity (nutrition or poison). Choose well and without prejudice. I often have to remind myself to take my own advice.

I think this sums it up nicely. There are times where you have to put your foot down.... but most of the time you have to work with the world.

I think "selling out" is a seriously strong term for it.

This is what I've striven for my entire life and not quite achieved. Until late 2005 I never heard of Aspergers. Until Feb. 2007 I never self diagnosed. Until a few days ago I did not have a formal diagnosis. Dart I do not know what the point of this thread is. If I were to let my Aspie wierdness manifest itself at work until I destroyed my career, then who would step up to pay my rent, my truck payment, my utilities etc? Would you? I don't feel like taking a hit for the team to advocate for anyone's right to stim or do echolalia on the job. Aspergers is a disability to me, it has cost me jobs, potential romantic relationships and social embarrassment, I have been battling this s**t for 48 years without even knowing what it is. I am not going to pretend to believe that this s**t is a mere "difference" or that society will ever bend over to accommodate us. I knew in first grade to make a bully hurt, whether I won or lost. I knew in first grade that even when it was not overt, that the "special class" were the butt of jokes. The reason that I got away with excellent reading skills and a large vocabulary when Joseph R. did not, was that I hit back and everybody knew it. Please don't mistake this for chest thumping macho stupidity. I get really confused when people complain about bullies and seem to overlook an obvious answer. I have held my tongue because I do not want to be seen as advocating violence. The world is what it is, that's pretty f***ing existentialist. So am I a sellout for figuring out how to make a decent wage? God (if there was one) knows I don't have much else to show for my life.

If you can act normal and make it work for you, I'm not telling you not to do it. I'm just saying that, for me, trying to act normal has often led to even worse results than just being myself.

OK Dart, I just wasn't clear were you were going with this, I wasn't trying to be rude or anything. Your post touched a nerve somehow. Now I'm wondering if my cousin suspects I'm AS. It doesn't matter I suppose, I'm not confirming or denying anything in the event family members start any NT fishing around.

I agree with most of your post, but come on... one of the most archetypal aspie traits is the tendency to ramble on about his/her own interests without giving a thought to the interest level of the listener, so don't try to dump egocentricity on NT's. There are plenty of egocentric NT's, and there are plenty of NT's who love to listen and SHARE (a brilliant concept, huh?) communication in a healthy way.

I've done some silly things to try and fit in, in my past. I've abandoned my own morals and done things that I knew were wrong just to make friends. It didn't work anyway and people still knew I was 'different' and took advantage of me.
No matter how much you try to be someone your not, it seems that people always see through the act and know who you really are. There's a lesson in that...be your own person!

Velodog
I think you have made a brilliant point (no I do not mean bashing people that you think are bullies!), more your last line, if you do sell out what do you have show for it.

That does not mean I do not understand you point - I have bullied people to fit in with the NT crowd, I have 'sold out' to make a descent living, I still drink too much to make myself feel 'normal'; but is this really what life is? After 50 years (and only discovering and being DX with AS last year) I now an going with Cockney Rebel's approach

It is time I made some time to be the genuine me!

IsThatAFact, I have found in my limited interactions with other Aspies that I relate well to about the same percent of Aspies as NT's. And some, but not all, of this seems to be of a generational, what age at diagnosis type of commonality. Some of the frustration I expressed is to do with my own personal failings in life. My last GF was bipolar, but like a monkey trying to copulate a coconut I kept going back to her and splitting up until we both had enough of the yoyo stuff and split for good. Right now , if I lost my standing as a damn good (sometimes great) inside wireman then I really don't know that I would have what it takes to start over. At that point I would have a caring family, 3 tight friends and a much worse attitude then I have right now. I am sort of grateful to have an official dx even though I really hate being an Aspie. I hope the greater levels of understanding and support(?) that the younger generations of Aspies have at a younger age than us will benefit them. I guess that I have turned into a cranky old guy.

You don't have to be that way. I wasn't. It did take some difficult incidents, though, to try and be what I viewed as a good person. I didn't always succeed but I think I did more often than not. As you get older it becomes easier and people will respect you more for it.

In a nutshell - being a teenager is difficult.

There's nothing wrong with imitating the 'good' aspects of NT behaviour.