Is there any way I can go back?

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Forty years ago this place was normal A 650k house was worth 50k.
And I second NJ.

Yeah, I have to agree with the economics part of this. My kid is 21 and living with me here in San Diego - and will be for the forseeable future, because minimum wage is like $8 an hour, those jobs are hard to find for a full work-week (40 hours), and the cost of a one-bedroom apartment (no bills paid) is running just under $1,000 here in the crappy parts of town. So, working full time at minimum wage you're going to gross roughly $1400 a month. Take, say, $300 - 400 out for taxes (and I could be under-estimating this), that leaves you with +/- $1,000. A transportation pass (bus/trolley) runs about $75 a month (you won't be able to run a car on minimum wage here, not even a beat-up old one, so you'll have to find work that is near the bus or trolley line). That leaves you about $100-$200 to pay for food and bills for an entire month. It's pretty darned hard to do that. And, since you're a single person, there are pretty much no social services medical programs available to you - no healthcare. You'll earn too much to qualify, but you will be unable to purchase health insurance or manage the co-pays on your own on that salary. (Most minimum-wage jobs do not provide health insurance here.) You won't qualify for foodstamps - you earn too much. You won't qualify for subsidized housing, you'll earn too much and there's a 30,000 person waitlist for "Section 8" housing. If you get sick, you lose your wages. Your rent has to be paid if you are sick and not working or not. If you are sick for too long, you lose your job and your home. It's not pretty, and it's not easy to do. (Been there, done that.) You'll probably have to cobble together a few different part-time jobs, and that won't leave you any time to study or train for anything better. Yes, you can learn on the job, and I've done that, but there are easier ways to do all this.

If you have other options, I'd sure urge you to consider them. Perhaps, if your mother will allow you back in her home and you make it to graduation in California, plan to go stay with your father after graduation (unless you decide to go to college and can manage the cost). I can't recommend California as a place for someone without significant job skills as a place to start your career. It can be done, but it would be such a battle that I don't know that it would be worth it. Especially if you have Aspie-related problems on top of all the above stuff. You could, hypothetically, qualify under some sort of disability program, but it could take years to get you on it and the waiting lists are undoubtedly hideous. In the meantime, living under a bridge is not fun. Don't count on having any sort of social services programs for support. They government out here depends a lot on sales tax revenue, and it's way down so they are cutting funding for programs left and right. Social services is almost always among the first to take a serious hit to their budget, and they are already overloaded on the current budget.

If you have your heart set on living here, you're going to have to get a few roommates to be able to afford to do it. If you could get a start and build your resume elsewhere so that you can get jobs that pay better down the line, it might be easier to come back in a few years. Really. The palm trees are lovely. The beach can be lovely. But it's not like TV - unless you are rich.

You know, anything a parent does may or may not appear rational to a kid. (It may not BE rational.) It may not be fair. But they hold all the cards. You're a minor. Unless you want to get child protective services in California involved (which, believe me, you don't), there's not really a lot you can do legally. You could eventually get a hearing in court (in several months) and the court could eventually ask your mother why she asked you to leave. By then, you are going to be 6 months further towards being 18, and if you think your mother was pissed off when she asked you to go, just wait until she has to appear in court over it. Perhaps the judge will force her to take you back for that last year - but I think your life would be a living misery if that happened. And once you were 18? Then what?

All that being said, worry about the next two years first. The rest will still be there when you get to them. Write the letter. Then you'll know if you can go back or not. Good luck, son. Really.

Last edited by Nan on 16 Apr 2008, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Obstinate, just continue excelling in school. The move will delay your education egregiously, but it's not the tightly shut door it undoubtedly looks like from your perspective. You just need to out-perform and out-strategize more privileged and fortunate kids, which it sounds like you're perfectly capable of doing. Furthermore, your honors classes aren't dust: most good universities WILL recognize them. Also, professors have a great deal of discretion in whom they admit into their classes, and you can usually get them to work with you if you have demonstrated a high degree of talent.

Consider this a part of your education: teaching yourself to cope with setbacks. It's a valuable skill. You'll never accomplish anything if you don't learn it. Take this as an opportunity to build up your relationship with your father. It'll be good for you.