How do I "Fake it Till I Make it"?

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In my experience, the way the technique worked was for the benefit of my child. Quite honestly, I don't want either of my kids to develop fear of flying or fear of stinging insects. In both cases, I had to suck it up. As for the flying part, even the turbulence added to the fun of the adventure.

I think you can. I've faked my way into enjoying social situations. They have always been really awkward, but now i've come to the realization that I kinda enjoy that awkwardness and its allowed me to open up some.

As far as confidence, don't second guess yourself and if you were wrong, just tell yourself its a rare occurance.

You are still able to learn and adapt. If you push yourself into situations you would not normally be comfortable in, and really push yourself to tolerate them, over a period of time you will improve and become comfortable(to an extent) in that situation.

However the problem comes when you forget whether you are "faking" it or not, who you were before you started pushing yourself. Most people tend to become the thing they were pushing themself to be and forget who they actually are, which can lead to problems when they hit a brick wall, or things that they were normally comfortable doing, stop making sense.

For example: I'm 25 now and have been pushing myself to be likable, social, appealling to the opposite sex, since I was 13. I didn't know about AS, I just knew I had to change for girls to like me, and to get what everyone else seemed to be getting. Now i'm an adult, I have found I don't really care about anyone close to me, i feel ashamed for the things I really like doing, and everyone is used to me being a certain way, when I revert they think i'm rude. For a large number of years I couldn't answer myself when I asked myself who I am and what I like doing, or if i tried to fit myself into a subculture, I couldn't. I was every sub-culture in one, because I adapted to every situation that came my way in order to be likeable.

For example, I could look like the coolest guy in the room, the life of the party, but inside I might be wishing it was the end of the world and I was the only one alive (not that I want everyone to die, but how cool would it be, being able to go anywhere and not worry about anyone?).

Anyways, enough of my rant.

Everyone wears a mask. The sooner you come to realize this, the better off you will be.

You can certainly fake anything, especially confidence. The confidence you fake becomes yours as time goes on.

Take an interest in someone and ask questions. People LOVE to talk about themselves. I find this is always effective and it lets me off the hook. I just sit back and zone out. I keep my ear out for key words/phrases that prompt a response.

Honestly, a previous poster said it exactly right. Find your niche, your talent, and confidence will come with this. When you're not doing what you're meant to do, you are not being true to yourself, and, inevitably, you will have a tougher time at being confident. When we are able to reveal our talents, then we are at our best. Once you are doing what you were meant to do (whatever it might be) and improving upon it, the rest will just come naturally. You will have this piece of you that is perserved inside of you--maybe it's art, music, writing, cooking, college--whatever it is. Maybe you need to return to college? Go get a new degree? Do whatever it is that will make you feel empowered and you won't care so much what others think of you. Then, you will be secure with yourself, satisfied, and confident.

equinn

Hmm, I actually think I may have done this. It's difficult t judge, because by definition I have to have fooled myself in order to have done it. However, I am firmly convinced that I am awesome, and things will go my way if I try hard enough. This wasn't true a year ago, so either I just spontanously awesome-ified, or some of the mumbo-jumbo I've been trying worked.

The biggest thing that I've read from several sources and have come to firmly believe is that my fear of doing stuff is never going to go away. It may morph into anticipation, excitement, and exhileration, but it will always be there. I'm pretty sure that's what qgambit was trying to communicate.

This is a horribly confusing concept, and runs into a lot of problems if you get obsessed with sematics. But, just because one can make a concept false by stretching it into logical absurdity, doesn't mean that it's completely wrong.

The logic goes like this. The way to not feel scared is to be confident. In order to feel confident about stuff, I have to believe that I can handle what ever comes my way. The way that I can believe that I can handle anything is to succeed at things that I'm not sure I can do. But trying to succeed at things that I'm not sure I can do is scary. Thus, the way to not feel scared is to do things that scare me.

This does not mean be a dumbass. Jumping off a cliff is scary; it's also stupid. If there's no reward at the end of the scary action that is worth the risk of doing it, then don't do it.

What it means is to not wait to do something until you're not scared and/or you're sure you can do it. You have to 'fake' it, do it in spite of the fear, to 'make' it, feel happy and confident.

This is kind of hard, and if you're doing it right you will screw up on some of the stuff you're 'faking'. Take as many baby steps as you need, but be relentless in taking them.

I don't know how to explain it better then that.