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slowmutant
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14 May 2008, 3:39 pm

Lily_cat wrote:
Heck yes! I have everyone else in my house trained that they do not go in my room unless the circumstances are really calling for it or they have verbal or written consent


Verbal or written consent? Golly, you must really really need that time to think. I would never have had the temerity to make a demand like that while living under my father's roof. And everyone in your house, you had them trained to obey without question? Kudos.



Jeyradan
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14 May 2008, 3:53 pm

sinagua wrote:
Unfortunately, I was raised in an atmosphere of "If you're not doing anything wrong, you don't require privacy." :( My mother refused to knock on my door before entering my room, rifled through my belongings pretty regularly (and left evidence that she'd done so), listened in on my phone calls, and I literally could not even use the toilet without her barging in if there was something on her mind. I had a lock on my door, but since I USED it once, she didn't like that, and removed it. I came home one day from school and it was gone.


I know how you feel. I have a younger brother who has no regard for belongings (he's nearly 20, so should have learned that by now) and just takes whatever he feels he needs or wants at any time. If he wants something of mine, he takes it. If he wants to go into my room or my things, he does. If he wants to make a mess of my bookshelves, he does (which I'd actually encourage if it weren't that he treats books like most children treat footballs or bath toys). My parents treat my belongings with some degree of respect, .at least, but they have never had any concept of why I would even need personal privacy - certainly no concept of letting me have it
I was once permitted to put a lock on my bedroom door at my parents' house - but only if my parents were provided with a key. This helped a little, but they would not permit me to lock the door when I was actually in the room, so it was a bit pointless.

I wish you luck in your quest for a little "breathing space" of your own.



sinagua
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14 May 2008, 4:06 pm

Jeyradan wrote:

I know how you feel. I have a younger brother who has no regard for belongings (he's nearly 20, so should have learned that by now) and just takes whatever he feels he needs or wants at any time. If he wants something of mine, he takes it. If he wants to go into my room or my things, he does. If he wants to make a mess of my bookshelves, he does (which I'd actually encourage if it weren't that he treats books like most children treat footballs or bath toys). My parents treat my belongings with some degree of respect, .at least, but they have never had any concept of why I would even need personal privacy - certainly no concept of letting me have it


Yes funny how, although I was not allowed privacy, my parents were both fiercely protective of THEIR privacy. The list of things that were "NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS" was seemingly unending, and included stupid things like how much the light bill was on a given month, or how my father could be contacted in case of emergency when he'd leave me home, alone, for days on end. If anything, they seemed downright paranoid. Makes me wonder what THEY got up to, themselves. ;)

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I was once permitted to put a lock on my bedroom door at my parents' house - but only if my parents were provided with a key. This helped a little, but they would not permit me to lock the door when I was actually in the room, so it was a bit pointless.


LOL! Yeah, just a BIT pointless. ;)

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I wish you luck in your quest for a little "breathing space" of your own.


Oh thanks, I've got it now. I moved far, far away at my earliest opportunity and have only been back "home" a handful of times, and not at all in the past three or four years. My first marriage was, unfortunately, a way to escape (and find protection from) my family - thank god I didn't get pregnant, too, like so many other girls I went to school with did. I was, evidently, smarter than that, at least. ;)

Even now that I'm happily married and have a son, I still spend an inordinate amount of time tucked away in "my room" (the master bedroom, I can't seem to help calling it "my room," and my husband laughs when I do). Fortunately, our son with AS also cherishes his privacy, and likes to spend time playing or reading or fantasizing or whatever alone.

Sometimes I fear people (other relatives, mostly) misinterpret my need/desire for privacy/alone time as "she's stuck up" or "aloof" or "weird" or something. I've decided I can't really control what people think of me (that much is painfully obvious by now! haha). If they're kindly people in general, they'll probably give me the benefit of the doubt. If they're not, and they don't, then I don't care what they think of me.



slowmutant
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14 May 2008, 4:12 pm

Early on, I was taught that "privacy" and being "alone" are not quite the same. My Dad taught me how it was not good to always be by myself. Still does, actually. I still sequester myself a lot, but I know it's not the proper thing for a 29 year-old. My advice is this, do not marry if you place that much value on your privacy. Do not make friends or acquaintances of any kind if being alone means more to you than anything or anyone else.



theQuail
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14 May 2008, 4:16 pm

I'm a bit obsessive about my privacy. If I can't find a room to be alone in (and when not at home, that may not be possible) I go crazy and get mood swings. This makes visits to my cousins and grandparents unpleasant... I can't have people looking at my things, intruding in my personal space, or (God forbid) watching me while I'm on the computer, reading, or doing anything else. Probably a good part of it is self-consciousness, though.



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14 May 2008, 5:15 pm

I'm a very private person. It's like there's part of me that's my world and my world only, no one can get in. When I got my DX, the doctor had me draw a picture of a house. I drew a house with windows but didn't put a door on it. I didn't realize I did that until the doctor pointed it out. You can see in but you can't get in, kind of funny in a way.



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14 May 2008, 5:44 pm

slowmutant wrote:
Do not make friends or acquaintances of any kind if being alone means more to you than anything or anyone else.


I was originally going to argue with that, but I have a feeling that you might be right there. I am, by nature, a very private person, and I've got used to doing most things alone. For that reason, I can't and probably won't make friends. I'd like to, but cannot escape from my world.


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slowmutant
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14 May 2008, 6:45 pm

I was only half-serious when I wrote that. :lol:



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14 May 2008, 7:19 pm

I am very sensitive about my privacy, and it is obvious to others.


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zeldapsychology
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14 May 2008, 7:32 pm

If I'm stressed by my family or busy playing a videogame or watching a show I want privacy especially if the game/show is something violent in anyway since I don't want my 6 or 8 year old sisters to see violent things. :-) Sadly not many of my games are appropiate for them. :-(



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15 May 2008, 12:23 am

I am, my privacy is sacred to me. I have nothing to hide (anymore) yet I have relatives that always like to invade my privacy and it really gets on my nerves. When I was little, I also had a friend that would get offended when I asked him to stop going through my things without my permission.


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IdahoRose
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15 May 2008, 12:43 am

I'm the opposite. I always accidentally give out waaay too much info about my personal life. It kind of sucks that everybody has dirt on me, but it's my own fault for being stupid.



Followthereaper90
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15 May 2008, 12:51 am

Lily_cat wrote:
Heck yes! I have everyone else in my house trained that they do not go in my room unless the circumstances are really calling for it or they have verbal or written consent
u trained your brothers too`? :lol:


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