Are you a little TOO quick to the point?

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However I'm supposed to be approaching an interaction/communication, I seem to do the opposite (not on purpose).

Instances where I'm expected to get to point I end up noodling around indirectly. Instances where I'm supposed to go through tiresome pleasantries & prefacing remarks, I instead am impatient & want to get right to my goal.

So it's not just one way or the other, but that my natural inclinations & preferred mode don't always fit well with how others would like me to behave/interact. Things that others find "no big deal" are stressful for me, so I am indirect & have hard time really saying what I want or mean. Things that others find "a big deal" may be things that do not (in my mind) merit a lot of verbal niceties (or the verbal niceties are in themselves anxiety-provoking, moreso than the thing itself), so I want to get straight to the point.

People do tell me I seem unfriendly because I always want to get down to business instead of wasting my time with pleasantries. I remember seeing a friend once and asking him straight off if he'd framed my picture yet and how much I owed him, and he was a little nonplussed that I didn't stop to say "Hello" and "How are you?"

Ditto.

This was a problem for me at work. I was stunned when someone pointed out that one of the complaints about me was that I didn't stop and talk to people while at work. Suddenly, coworkers would be angry for no reason that I could see, and it would turn out that I hadn't said "Good morning" or "Good night" to them for a few days in a row, or I had been concentrating on something else and hadn't responded when they spoke or smiled at me. I had to learn to stop and talk about just stuff with people. Now I keep a list of topics associated with different people in my head. That guy hikes or does home building projects; that woman has a son the same age as my daughter and likes to chat about him; this joke always works with that guy; that woman has a new grandbaby and will be happy if I ask about him. I always look around the room before I leave at night and make sure to say "Goodbye" to whoever's there. The chit chat always feels kind of formulaic and repetative to me, but they never seem to notice and it keeps everyone happy. Well, except that I have trouble knowing how to stop it gracefully and end up in an awkward silence when I run out of things to say.

Of course, when it comes to talking to someone with whom I'm actually interested in speaking, I get tongue-tied and come off like a complete idiot.

The odd thing is, it was never this hard when I was younger and working sales. I suppose, though, there's a sort of formula to sales prattle, too; you just alter it slightly to fit each customer and run through it on automatic. Ug. Never again.

Patricia

I guess that in some group activities I have done I just want to get to the point and skip the small talk.

I was in sales for a while. Like you, I didn't find the prattle difficult (though I did have some trouble looking people in the eye). What got to me was seeing so many people every day, and when I got home I found I would drop my helpful persona instantly and break down into a wreck of nerves.

The manager was taken aback because I came up to her one day and said "I'm quitting" with no preamble. She'd thought I was doing fine.