Autism? Do you consider it a curse?

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It seems like I see a lot of people with a diagnosis blaming everything that's bad about their lives on that diagnosis... this might seem OK at first, because that means you don't have to blame yourself; but it also means you feel more and more pity and helplessness--not good things to get trapped in.

I don't see why bad things have to be blamed on anything at all; they just exist, part of life, not punishment for anything, probably not your fault in the first place. Blaming either yourself or autism gets you nowhere. The only reason you should be looking at the cause of a problem is to get the information that leads you to the solution. Otherwise, asking "why" is wasted time.

The idea that 'autism is bad' can really ruin your life. It means you start to think, "I'm trapped; I can't help this; I don't know how to do this," and the only way out is the cultural idea, "Overcome your disability". There's no middle road left--either you "overcome" or it's a tragedy. But happiness and autism aren't mutually exclusive--in fact, I am quite certain that, were you to do a survey on the subject, it would turn out that we are happy at the same rate as NTs.

When you have a problem, don't blame it on autism and assume you have to solve your autism or the problem will never go away. Look at the problem on its own terms, from all angles. Get creative. You might even learn that some autistic trait or other is actually the solution to the problem...

Who is asking "why"? It isn't the autism that's bad but the profoundly disabling symptoms. "Bad" wasn't the term used either. Excruciating at times, trying, painful to deal with would be more accurate. I think it's better not to go into judgement right away.

Im glad I don't care! Its the greatest gift of all.

The Zen answer:"It is what it is."

If I didn't have this label in this time and place, I'd be a "kook", or a "malcontent", or "eccentric". In the old days, I might be said to be "touched". Sometimes I feel sorry for the Normies, that they don't get the experiences I do. I wish I had their ability to earn money, however ...

If you're given a book, don't blame yourself if you can't understand the story it holds. Sometimes it takes one person to turn the first page for you and everything makes sense and suddenly the world changes

Maybe I should stop philosophising
I just accepted it and blamed others around me for not noticing or if they did, why they never told me or my mother so something could be done about it

A curse? I think it is. If anyone here has seen my other posts on how my reltionships all end the same way. Its because i can't relate to people and I don't get what they really mean most of the time. Even when I flat out tell them. "I have trouble reading between the lines, be honest with me, if I think you are not, then this will not go anyplace." They still play games.

All I've wanted is a decent male/ female sig other relationship. I always fail. It comes down to me having AS and there is nothing I can do about it.

God gave me AS to keep me from being happy. it is a curse.

Very nice advice, MemberSix

So, to be happy, and consider yourself blessed isn't pompous. To be pompous would be to consider yourself somewhat singular and/or unjustly important.

So I am happy I am as tall as I am(I'm just about average, or maybe a bit above, depending on who you ask.), but it IS a blessing(less teasing, better able to see things, can reach more), and a curse(more is expected, more back problems, harder to reach lower things, have to worry more about head room, etc..). Is that pompous? NOPE!

Likewise, AS is, to me, a blessing and a curse. Computers and the like are second nature to me, some things, that others find hard, I find easy. I have had few "peer" pressure problems. Of course, I have had lots of problems also.

I probably feel as you, but it is always nice to see the bottom line as black, and how you got there, when others are saying you are in the red.

its both my meltdowns are curse and i wound my obessions as gift

wow im really surprised on ppls comments about that they think its a curse. I work with children at a children specialized hospital who are disabled many different ways, some more mild, some more severe. Before i started volunteering there i blamed my whole life on my labels one including MR(mental retardation) back then, i said i would have friends, i wouldn't be such a bad daughter or sister, i would be something today, i would be soo much happier. Then i started volunteering and my whole world changed, i realized there are so many people out there who have it so much worse then I do. Here i am with classic autism moderate functioning well thats what the doctors say, 50%verbal, struggling with the fact i still cant make my own bed, and still have problems getting dressed, only have one real life friend whos severely depressed, and struggling in a community college only taking up to two classes a semester because thats all i can handle, thinking my life sucks i hate it, i would be much happier if i didnt have this...wrong...I'm glad i can even talk, thankful i can walk, happy that i can even go to college, there are so many people and kids who can't even stand up, who can't even tell you the simple answer of yes or no.

I know a boy who has cerebral pausli, his intellegence above average, his body so disabled he can't even stand up, crawl, move his arms the way he wants, hes permantely stuck in a wheelchair, his only speech is "hey, lights off, room, mommy, daddy, food, byebye" thats it, and hes the happiest guy i ever met. he hates watching tv for too long, he loves the outdoors or laying in the grass, or listening to music especially country or 92.7, he looves when his family visits, he hates bright lights, he lovves when ppl do things wrong like fall or when one of the kids is doing something naughty, hes a typical 14yr old boy but most of all his smile and laughter can fill the room with such delight everybody just gets a whole lot happier. I also work with kids who are catatonic, all they can do is breathe, cough, blink, yawn, and thats it, their hooked up to breathing tubes, feeding tubes, constantly monitored, their brain is so badly damaged theirs nobody inside, but what amazes me the most is when something makes them smile, even if its not meant to be something because their happy, i dont even know if they know what happiness is, but when they smile its like all the bad in the world disappears, and what makes it so special is that its rare when it happens so when it does its like a smile from up above, its like the most amazing sight you ever see.

I worked with a little girl whos 12 whos in a wheelchair 247, can walk but needs assistance for 3 ppl or a machine and not long or good, cant use her right arm or hand at all, has no voice completely nonverbal, only screams and laughs, and has minor short term memory, cant eat solid foods at all, only liquid, but everything inside is basically normal, she has normal intellegence, can function fine without any help if she didnt have any physical handicaps. She just recently moved to a group home couple months ago where i visit her at least once a month. Shes obsessed with jonas brothers hehe. Anyways shes what i call laughter contagious, when she laughs the whole room laughs, and to her the world is full of laughter shes always smiling, always giggling loving life. Her parents wouldnt admit they couldnt take care of her, so they left her and lost custody of her. I always wonder how the heck is she sooo dang happy, but then i realize she doesnt look at what she doesnt have, or whats keeping her from living life to the fullest, or where she is in this world, or why she is the way she is, shes just happy to be alive, happy to see visitors, happy to see jonas brothers on tv, happy to wake up everday and hear the birds sing, happy to listen to disney music over and over again hehe. Everytime i leave after i visit her, i stop and think, wow, i'm glad i'm alive, i'm happy to be here.

My point to all of this, everybody has problems, obstacles, rough roads, some have it worse then others, some just have rough patches that literally leave them in pain the rest of their lives, but its the what you make of it is what life is all about. You can sit around all depressed or you can get up and actually do something, enjoy your life, you only have one life thats it.



P.S. if anybody gets offended by any of this, i apologize, if u get angry by my msg, i also apologize, i just wanted to share my insight

I often think it is harder if you are seen as higher functioning, because you are essentially expected to be "normal", and if you're not, you're not trying hard enough.

I think what makes the difference sometimes is when we have supportive or loving family or friends. Not everyone is that lucky. Almost any obstacle is doable when we have at least those basic things in place. Trying to survive without that is what makes everything else that much harder. Most people probably can't even imagine what it would be like without their family who cares for them. I would give anything to be able to experience that or feel what that's like. It's not a pity-party but just reality. Without it, one falls prey to all manner of other abuses into adulthood, because of it. It really hurts, but there, I said it.

I dunno... I have one friend, who is moving away in two weeks, and I haven't seen my family in two years (mostly because I'm sick of Mom insisting I can't be autistic because I can talk), and I'm still happy... I've come to the conclusion that you don't really NEED anything. Some things are admittedly very, very nice to have.

I have come to the same conclusion. And it is rather freeing. ...Only still processing too much damage. It unavoidable.

I neither feel cursed, nor do I feel proud. Mostly I feel at peace because I now know why I am so different from most people. This is who I am...and who I am is okay.

Nevermind, removing my comment.

Last edited by Cyndi on 18 Aug 2008, 9:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.