Easier to be AS and ugly?

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I think it works out for me.

I find that many men are intimidated by a confident attractive woman. I know that I am noticed, but I am rarely ever approached.

I once knew a guy at my first internship when I was 19 that was deathly afraid of talking to me. He was like a 40 year old married man and if he was standing outside his cube and I came down the aisle that his cube was in, he would stop what he was doing and sit back down like he was really busy.

At first I thought it was that he didn't like me and thought I was dumb or something, but the more I talked to people about it, the less I thought that was the case.



It also helps that I a have a very not approachable personality. I never snap at people or get angry, but for some reason I am never the one that's approached first when I'm in a group. My friends say it's the "don't f*** with me attitude" but I just don't see it

well I dont know if when people call me attractive if they are just being nice or sarcastic, though I have had people assume I was some kind of ladies man for some reason. To the point that once I tell them I have zero luck with the opposite sex they think I am lying.

Reguardless though, for the most part I do not see my appearance having any more or less of an effect then if I was NT.

Yeah, it's harder to be attractive and be AS. People don't know what to think when you don't interact with them on a regular basis. I suppose that's the most irritating symptom to hassle over.

Although they might think you are a snob for not interacting with them, as attractive people (I think) are often assumed to be snobs. Or in my particular case racist, since I live in a predominantly black and hispanic neighborhood while I am white. I don't interact with people or even look at them, and I'm sure they assume I'm a racist and/ or snob. When the truth is I'm just painfully nervous and awkward about social interaction.

I think I am considered attractive, and I prefer it this way. It sort of makes it okay for me to act oddly, and it helps me to get people to do what I want. But I do not get extra attention. But I may begin getting extra attention, for I believe I am now at the age where such typically occurs. I think people have left me alone so far because of my reluctance to follow the typical social patterns of children and adolescents, and for some reason this makes me a mysterious and unwanted item.

I guess I'm a sort of attractive woman. Guys flirt with me and I don't know what to do and I feel awkward, but then It is easier for me to make friends with guys than with other women. It's because I talk and relate on a non-emotional level, which is a more masculine communication style. And guys are way more forgiving of my quietness and occasional faux pas, I guess because they like me around just to look at me. LOL But still, I'm pretty insecure and socially clueless.

Like today at work I didn't wear a hair net because I was working in a different part of the plant than usual, and my boss (male) kept coming and talking to me about stuff that wasn't really important. And I know I look better with my hair around my face all cute like that, and it's just a fact that everyone looks horrible in a hair net. ... My boss is really a great guy, and there is nothing inappropriate from him, just FYI. I'm quite sure he just wanted an excuse to look at me. LOL

But I have just had no luck making friends with women. I thought I had some girl friends for a while, but they all together just dumped me recently.

Yeah, it's much easier , whiners.

Go to the opposite thread and read the unattractive's life experiences:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt74687.html


Being center of positive social attention is much easier than being center of bulies's attention, victim of insults, victims of prejudice , victms of discrimination and victims of social rejections on many levels ...and worst of all , being turned down for opportunity because of your appearance.

Think well before you wish anything.

How is that any different to simply being AS to begin with?
We've all been through that - but what you are quoting has to do with any "ugly" person, NT or Asperger.
Being Asperger, and being expected to be in social situations you cannot handle, adds to stress.

Think before you comment, whiner.

Wait till people see you as attractive (a threat) and then start to bully you when they find out its easy.

I grew up in a smallish town and can remember as a boy how older woman would hold my face in their hands staring into my eyes saying things like how lovely I will turn out, popular with the girls, good in sports (tall)... freaky! ppl had all tese expectations of me based on my looks and how clever I am (memory skills), they even made me headboy which turned out disasterous. I had no social skills or idea how I'm suppose to fulfill these expectations. Leaves you with a feeling that you let everyone down.

I speak a Germanic language and people in the area where I grew up roll the r, so when I speak to people where I live now, they find it amusing - like I'm there to entertain them.

Don't mean to complain so much, guess I'l have to turn everything around into an advantage but then I'll be back at square one.

Attractiveness + AS is easier than unattractiveness + AS

Have you even made the effort to read the others' experience in the other thread? Have you read BokeKaeru or RedHairedGrl's posts ? they are also AS, or have you even read the story of the little Chinese singer?

enough said Mr.Whiner




An unattractive person would feel that he turned everyone down since birth.

LePetitPrince, what this thread is about is whether or not you've found the social complexities of the "attractive" people to be frustrating.
Most Aspergers don't care about appearence. I make no efforts in that domain.
But what you seem to think this is about, based on what you've said, is simply that we complain that we aren't ugly; and you seem to be saying we should pity "ugly" people, especially ugly Aspergers people.
If you'd paid attention to what we've said, you'll find most of us view, largely based up our experiences, that the unattractive or ordinary looking are not expected to engage socially, and that is a preferred situation for Aspergers.
I'm pretty sure that "ugly" people wouldn't want pity for their appearance.
This isn't whining, this isn't complaining - this is a serious discussion about our experiences.
You, however, definitely appear to be whining, if all you do is come and complain, but fail to really add anything to the conversation. This isn't about common events and appearence; it's a well known fact that only "pretty" people get on TV, regardless of neurology. But this thread is about the neurology! You seem to be taking in only the side of the conversation dealing with aesthetics: and ignoring the side about events and experiences.

Again, please think before you try to flame. Otherwise you just waste bandwidth.

I was always told I was beautiful, and people assumed (even now) that I was popular. I've been told by many that I was considered "the prettiest one in school." Yet I never saw that. And I certainly was not popular at all. For most of my life I hated being considered attractive, since I had decided my supposed attractiveness must be the reason why I did not have any friends. Females in particular hated me.

You are totally wrong, any aspie whether he/she's pretty or not is expected to face social expectation that he/she can't handle. In the human society, everyone is expected to be social. Unattractive people have to face those expection + facing the discrimination and aggression against them.
hansome people might be expected more but their attractivness compensate many things.

Here I talked about neurology.

Aren't you paying attention? We've had personal experiences with this sort of thing. Compensation? Are you joking? All aspergers have social problems, and ugly people whether nt or aspie are treated much the same. When there is greater social expectation; it's more difficult. When others build you up to be something you're not, you fall harder. You're idea that ugly people would feel as though they've let down others by their appearance should be, I would think, offensive to them.

This is definitely true. People consider me very attractive - until they start talking to me. If I were very ugly or seemed warped somehow I think they wouldn't expect so much and so they wouldn't get as frustrated.

Wrote something about this in another thread:

I have always had a combination of traits associated with conventional beauty, and traits associated by most people with ugliness.

For a long time, from a distance, I had a slim female figure with very large breasts, which got me male attention I did not want. I also have large eyes which (presumably due to sympathetic nervous system activity or something) used to frequently have fairly large pupils (sometimes exceedingly large) regardless of lighting (opthalmologists still sometimes can do the retinal exam without putting eyedrops in). And a small chin. And used to have long, thick, wavy hair.

I also had facial and body hair way in excess of what was expected of a girl, including pre-puberty. (It's not hormone-influenced, I've been checked over and over again.) And a unibrow. And a double chin if I didn't stick my head forward (which I mostly had to do anyway for balance), even when very thin. And a mouth that hung open a lot. And what other kids called a "pig nose". And a voice that people made fun of. And an odd posture and walk and stuff. And enough sensory discomfort that I wasn't willing to do the hair removal thing (and later a realization that it wouldn't matter if I did, it was who I was that was the problem, not small details of appearance). And dark circles under my eyes (even when well-rested).

So I have always had mixed responses. I've been flirted with mostly by people who weren't looking very close at all, or only cared about the huge breasts and ignored the rest. I've been referred to routinely by a number of words around ugliness, including "troll" (the ugly girl type, not the Internet type). I've had people spontaneously suggest I get facial surgery. And

I've been asked about my appearance for as long as I can remember anyone asking anything. The first question I remember hearing another child ask about me (from a time before I understood the meaning of the words used), was "Are you wearing makeup?" (no response from me) "Is she wearing makeup?" (directed at my mom). I was very little at the time, and did not wear makeup, but had a dark/blue coloration around my eyelids and such a lot of the time, that could make some people think I was. Other times, though, it was mostly questions about why my eyebrows met, or about why I didn't remove any and all hair from any and all parts of my body that hair was deemed unacceptable on. Sometimes also about other physical traits that other people found ugly or weird-looking.

And of course I was bullied with those things as excuses. But I learned something one day. I never had designer clothes and was always teased about that, but one day I got the same pair of shoes as everyone else who normally teased me about my similar-appearing (but not the 'right' brand) shoes. They immediately just seized on something else to pick on, without even appearing to notice the difference. I realized at that point, they would pick on me no matter what I looked like, because it was me that they hated, not the trivial aspects of my appearance that they were focusing on as excuses.

I didn't like removing that hair because (1) it made me unable to recognize myself, and (2) it was painful and difficult, just as I didn't get a haircut for most of my life if I could help it. (Which is where in truth the really long hair came from.)

I did grow to loathe my appearance, but I got over that eventually for the most part. My mother had always told me nobody would accept me if I didn't do hair removal stuff. But one day I met a stranger I considered attractive, and she said to me, "Don't ever let anyone make you remove your facial hair, it's beautiful," or something close to that.

Should also point out I find a lot of "ugly" people to be beautiful because I can distinguish who they are easier, anyone who stands out and looks unusual is the most beautiful to me because I can recognize them, and they don't look like most other people. That includes both people considered conventionally attractive and people not considered conventionally attractive.

Also, now that I am fat, my attractiveness level has gone down in some people's estimation. However, given who some of those people are, I don't miss them. Anyone who reacts to me in that shallow a manner isn't worth my time. I've been on both sides of this, sometimes both sides at once, and think some people are really, really convinced that the grass is greener on the other side. Both of them are bad for different reasons, and good for different reasons.