After trying to change, I know now people with AS can't

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I see.
Shame no one told me about this earlier.
So we should be grateful for it ?

Actually, the hole tastes really good - but most people just leave it.

Well I have changed so that's not true for all aspies. I learned to be more flexible, accept others point of views, respect other peoples opinions, learn what not so say, learn to not talk about my obsessions all the time and the same things over and over, how to avoid meltdowns and learned to control them but sometimes I still struggle like I did when I was with my ex.

This does not make you a fake or you are pretending to be someone else. Everyone changes as they get older, everyone learns things as they get older, Aspergers or not. People need to get this out of their heads that they are pretending to be something they are not because that is not true. It's called coping and learning. We all learn as we get older so it seems like our condition gets less. Even NT kids go through the same, even they learn how to act and their behavior changes too as they get older.

There have been lot of aspies who got better as they got older. But it seems like with some when they find out they have AS they stopped trying or they use it as an excuse to not do this or do that or even learn. "Oh I have AS I don't need to try and control my meltown."

I don't know your personal situation, but I have found that women who want me to change are seriously not worth my time at all. Even friendships with these people prove somewhat difficult.

There is no avoiding change.

Some things you can change, some things you cannot. For instance, you'd still be you and you'd still have AS whether you like it or not. I don't know about God, it is up to you if you want to stay miserable. One can learn to be happy alone.

Why would I want to go out? I don't care about 99% of real people anyway. And the 1% I care about, find me eventually.

It's not possible to go from autistic to non-autistic, but it is possible to change things about your life nonetheless. Which things, depends on who you are and what situation you're in.

Well, I can relate to that.

I am married and have a son and am 36 y.o.

The only real friend I have lives 150 miles from me so we see each other once in a blue moon.

Otherwise, I really don't have any social interaction, apart from my wife's friends (she has tons).

I have a good job as a recruiter for one of the top firms in the world. I can sell jobs, talk to prospects, headhunt, go to clients meetings and manage contracts but outside a professional setting, I am totally screwed.

Everytime I tried to get a friendship going, it sunked and it is not because of a lack of efforts, I behave the best I can and show as much empathy as I can, even though it feels weird and am totally inept at chitchatting... and people say that I am "friendly", whatever that means.

I guess people just find me too weird to be with after a few hours.

So yeah, I can relate. I'm just happy to have my family, it is all I need.

Change I'm a not so shabby version of what I am, a lady that "leaves something to be desired." Meh, i'll do! I also came to terms with the fact that I can only stand to socialise with the best friend i've known for 11 years, she's the only one i'd brave a pub for. Suits me! Best thing to free yourself of the desperate longing, seeking others that don't quite fit, don't 'get it.' Though it's great if you try and suceed.

in my experience, i have found it possible to change much of my AS symptoms, i can now have conversations with people, date females and generally have a much more pleasant time about humans...

the BIG problem with this is what drove me to this change, what drove me to learn human social interaction like one would learn a subject at school....complete and utter insecurity.

the sheer hatred and horrific times i had in the past due to not "fitting in" have left scars that may never go away (although i'm gonna try my damned best with councilling) but at least now i can live the present more happily, getting on with people...some of these human beings are very nice you know ^.^

so i think i'm pretty much still AS but i've learnt some social pointers and now use them ON MY TERMS, i'm still not going to stoop to mob mentality, faith in non-proveable phenomena etc.

but you have to want to try, i guess after 44 years you might be a completely burned out, misanthropic, bitter shell...but come on, it's never too late x

Glad to see someone speaking some sense... I just can"t believe some people here think that a different brain wiring is something that can be changed / overcome / disguised / suppressed / socialskilled away / erradicated / etc.

If you are really an Aspie, you will never be able to do certain things, however much you try to "improve". One of those things, the main one, is grasp unspoken rules of behavior in a given group.

Well, that's what I said too. I'm not good with improving on non-autistic ways though, as I said, such as learning the standard set of social skills. Some autistic people are. It seems quite diverse.

But doing everything one's own way, then I believe anything is possible for pretty much everyone.

Not changing to another's ways though. But who's want to do that anyway?

Look at Temple, she was autistic as a kid and now she functions at an AS level so yes we can change by getting less as I said in my earlier post because we learn. But yes Temple is still autistic but she isn't as bad as she was when she was a kid. Look at me, I sure changed. I am less aspie now than I was as a kid because I had learned.

What I mean by less aspie is having less symptoms, same as less autistic.

But there are things that people will never be able to do, AS or not.

i'm pretty sure my brain is still fundamentally AS...but i've used another part of the brain to become a functioning social being...perhaps the part where most folk store facts or figures or their knowledge of history, other subjects etc.

so yeah, i doubt you'll ever not be AS...but you CAN learn social things like a subject, and live a happier, less lonely life.x

KenM, sorry to hear you've gone through a hard time.
Sorry if this sounds a little callous but do you blame everything that goes wrong in your life on AS?
Right now I'm feeling totally OK with the fact I have been diagnosed with Asperger's and, over the past two years have begun the long, sometimes painful, journey back to recovery. I am becoming more and more aware of my strengths, and limitations, and feel totally comfortable with these. I don't see any reason why I couldn't live a happy 'normal' life in the future. Yeah AS can be a hindrance but it really doesn't HAVE to be that way.

Anyway, what I want to say is I can read your post and recognise it for the sour grapes it probably is. Its very hard when any relationship breaks up and you've obviously every right to express your hurt in such a way. Just don't do it on an international website where there is a very high possibility that your thoughts/opinions will be read by vulnerable people who might take what you have to say seriously.

You can become LESS AS to the same extent you can become LESS GAY. You either have an AS brain or you don't. There's no in-between. You can learn to act differently, but you can't change your brain. One thing a REAL Aspie will never be able to change, even in behavior, however much we "work on it" is that we're not getting 75% of what is being said by other people around us. Because this 75% is being communicated through waves we don't catch. Think of a radio frequency. Can you change it to become LESS that radio frequency and MORE another frequency?