Ever become terrified you're not the "real deal"?

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of course after looking at it for awhile, i think that I might be more HFA because I had problems when I was younger talking. A pschyiatrist, evaluated me when I was six, but kept it a secret from my parents for ten years, and never told them. He still hasn't offically put it in writing but I hope he does

that's a scary thought.. i would feel like such a loser

Good luck! I hope you get your dx

No.

I only felt that way when in a flamewar someone called me a "fraud, or a f*****g insult to the rest of us"...and after a little..

"Namelessly defective" is what I originally thought I was, and was so ashamed of I would have rather been seen as anything other than just "nameless defective" which is what I feared I was. (I now don't think there is such a thing.)

I didn't actually believe my autism diagnosis for a number of years after I got it, because the descriptions were all of things I did not have the social awareness to pick up on. Reading things by autistic and non-autistic people alike, is what convinced me at first, and then finding out by talking to others, what I looked like on the outside. That and being told childhood information that I had not known, but that had fit better with my memories than with what I assumed. And then... reading things by non-autistic people who talk about their complex social knowledge at four years old that is still more than what i have now, also convinced me. (Among a lot of other things -- gradually.)

I think, and have long thought, that the constant talk of 'frauds' in our community is far more destructive than the presence of the few that might exist, could ever be. It puts people who are already insecure, on edge, and accomplishes just about nothing useful. (People could claim I'm saying this for selfish reasons, but seriously, it's bad for the people who get caught up in it and the people who have to witness it, it solves nothing.)

(Edited to add: And I've also been diagnosed 2 or 3 times myself, at least, as well as had many professionals who did not know the diagnosis just assume I was autistic. That didn't really help much though because I wasn't sure professionals were right. I had to figure it out myself, from scratch.)

Last edited by anbuend on 04 Sep 2008, 12:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

I know I'm the real deal; I got diagnosed by like 2 or 3 different professionals.

Although, sometimes I worry that other people think I exaggerate it for attention/disability checks. Which I don't.

That's exactly how I found out - because of the sensory problems and migraines!

This was after being told for years that those things were in my head and I needed a psychiatrist. That really pisses me off, too.

Yes, this is something I struggle with. I worry that my speech delay, my sensory stuff, my stimming, and everything else are overexaggeration of NT behaviors. Yet I can't explain any other way why when I'm talking with my other friend with AS and when I read things here it's like the thoughts have been stolen from inside my head and presented it in a written format. So much of myself was explained when I accepted that I was probably autistic. I've always known that something is different about me, and it took me a decade to realize what it is.

I'll never forget how for like, a month, most of my IM convos with my friend related to AS. I realted to them so much I saved them as "OMG01", "OMG02", and so on.

As a child I wondered that. I also wondered how could I stop faking. But then I realized if I'm wondering why am not able to stop faking, then that must be why I got the diagnosis.

So I must not be faking after all.... People may accuse me, but that's because their view of autism is limited. Many people think autism and they think it's like the autism that agencies like Autism Speaks portrays.

would freak me out sinds im very sure to be aspie but somethimes i have small doubts sinds many of you are way to smart comparing to me but i guess it has nothing to do with

Oh I know just what you mean, and it's that way to for me because I'm more a borderline case if at all. For YEARS I over-obsessed and fretted over this. Am I? Am I not? The irony of course is that I obsessed/hyperfocused over it to such a degree that it by itself it would seem a very strong Aspie trait, I suppose.
For me the "am I faking AS" is a very real concern because ever since I was a child, I've had a tendency to have... a kind of affect. What I mean by that is, it's almost as though I don't have a true self, my mannerisms and tone of might be what I picked up from someone else or from a stock television character or something, and well, they basically become part of me. So because of that I'm never sure if I'm affecting an Aspie-like (or what is known to be an Aspie-like) manner from everything I've read, and exaggerating very mild traits.

Another topic I'm very happy to have stumbled upon.

I was diagnosed some months ago after my studentcouncilor referred me to some test institution.
Talked to my psychologist a while later, she sais I most likely have AS.

I'm still unable to accept help getting a job or a place to live.
The thought of it just makes me feel like I'm leeching off people and making excuses for my own weakness.
I'm at least 2 months away from a second diagnosis =/
Looking at my life I'm 100% sure I'm different and I have issues, but it's a big step to go and tell someone you have AS.

Can relate to that. I once put so much effort into friendship, to the detriment of my education, my true interests at times, I was a walking movie/comedy sketch. I doubt myself, occasionally, because I have applied my memory flippantly. Though I know I fit this label. I had enquired as to whether I was autistic in my youth as "Jenk hates change, green, she's a fussy eater, don't hug her she doesn't like to be touched, oh she's throwing a tantrum, don't be such a precocious, superior little brat," mother told me autistic people merely rock and play with blocks, that it was all 'mad OCD rubbish' and anyway I spoke early... I actually listened. This label is apparently more impactual to those around me that couldn't allow themselves to think they abused the mentality of an Aspergian individual, as though that would have changed their behaviour. They lead me to push at my weaknesses and I am glad of it.
Having the cluster of OCD/TS/ADHD traits I worry that these are all I have, there is no underlying connection. My light sensitivity everyone gets and I'm being ridiculous. Gastro-intestinal problems - just a stomach ache, Allergies - common, Blackouts - low sugar levels, pull yourself together. After training myself, ignoring my body, shunning certain talents, I figure this is one more thing I do not deserve. To find there are others like me. I'd been looking! Either way, I find most people are utterly lost themselves, sadly, and I have learnt not to lean on anyones words. They are my true vice. No one knows the exact extent of your experiences. You should be able to draw accurate conclusions from them, though we often find ourselves wanting.
If it turns out I am not in keeping with a condition of being in another’s eyes, never mind, why do I seek validation? The Human predisposition to seek companionship? The part of me that isn't stubborn needs guidance, craving that frustrates me. I hate that I need help at times, vulnerability, and
I grimace knowing either way the result remains the same, common among a minority or otherwise, I am alone. I'd get it on paper just to frame and add to the stack of overlooked adversities. Congratulations, you now know why, look it's real, inked, shiny. Veil lifted, what next? Present passport to support group, "Sure she's Aspie, let her in."
Bitter and cynical! Used to be the eternal optimist

Last edited by Jenk on 04 Sep 2008, 6:43 am, edited 19 times in total.

you know i sometimes did doubt the classic autism label because of how high functioning i can be at times, i even had a point where i melted down because i felt like i was a fake when it came to classic autism, but everybody reminded me about my traits and how their are times im so low functioning and how even the first time i was diagnosed the doctors all said i was much more severe then aspergers and thought about it all, and stopped worrying. I finally jsut admitted everybody has their days their more nt, and their more low functioning, and the label doctors give me is because i fit the criteria, and all that matters is that i know i am on the spectrum, i dont need doctors to tell me so, and i do know im not on the higher end just only at times, so i just gave up on that thought on moved on.

Oh god, all the time.

I'm undiagnosed. I go between thinking that I definately have Asperger's Syndrome, that I have mental health problems that look like Asperger's Syndrome, that I have Asperger's 'traits' but not the full disorder* and that I have nothing wrong with me at all and I'm just being a whiny, attention-seeking, responsibility-denying twit.

* this is the one I'm currently thinking.

I hate it when people on here talk about people who 'fake autism' and how terrible they are. No one in their right mind would pretend to be autistic.
- Someone might think they have an ASD when they don't - instead it's a different problem.
- Someone migh missunderstand what an ASD really is and think they are on the autistic spectrum because they have one trait like getting obsessed with things.
- Possibly a few people may pretend to have an ASD to feel special and get attention. People who do things like this to get attention must really feel deprived of recognition and care, and so something must be very wrong for someone to behave in this way.

If you feel that only people with a certain level of impairment should be diagnosed, and that many people diagnosed with ASDs are above that level, consider this: in society people take a lot more notice of any difficulty you have if you can put a clinical name to it. A person who is bad at reading gets called 'thick'. Teachers do not bother too much to improve them. They feel like giving up and not working to improve their reading. When someone calls a dyslexic 'thick', someone buts in and says 'No, no - they've got dyslexia'. They get extra help like tips on how to improve their reading. They feel that if they work hard, they will have 'overcome their dyslexia' and done a great thing.