I should have been born male.

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Joined: 24 Jul 2006
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20 Sep 2008, 6:30 pm

I wouldn't want to be male nor do I feel male, but... I've never fit in with "normal" females, I always stick out like a sore thumb around them.

2ukenkerl
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20 Sep 2008, 6:35 pm

Shastania wrote:

Shastania,

In the US, they now have several birth control products that are made to basically shutoff the female reproductive system for 3 MONTHS! They even advertise the side effect of getting periods only 4 times a year! And that would ALSO get rid of the mood swings and the anemia! Of course, there ARE drugs that can mitigate THOSE as well! That is no reason to get a hysterectomy, which has some NASTY side effects you DON'T want!

Shastania wrote:

That aside, I too have expressed apprehension over expectations of being "feminine".
When I wear a dress or make-up or when I have to shave my legs in order to wear said dress, I feel as though I am perpetuating a lie- "This is not who I am" in other words. I feel like a child playing dress up in their mother's clothing box and it makes me very uncomfortable to wear stereotypical "woman" clothing.

Granted, in the last number of years, I've been trying to make an effort to embrace the gender I was born into but it hasn't been easy.
When I first cut my hair short (going from shoulder lenght to a pixie crop), my brother called me a "dyke" and told me I looked like a man.

My mother sometimes expresses passive-aggressive annoyance and disappointment over the fact that I'm not GIRLY but she's come to terms with the fact that I am a "tomboy".

I once told her I was bisexual when I was 15 and she staunchly said: "No, you're not bisexual. It's just a phase." and left it like that. Nowadays, I realise I am androynous and bi-curious though I sometimes lean towards my own gender.

Yet despite this, I also like men. Talk about confusion!

Even so, there is nothing wrong in being androynous. The important factor is that you are happy, healthy and full of life. People object because maybe they can't understand or they are under the pretense of working on outdated gender-specific stereotypes but that is their opinion and it is not neccessarily the right one.

Live your life how YOU and YOU ALONE want to live it. After all, it's YOUR life.

That last phrase is good advice!

2ukenkerl
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20 Sep 2008, 6:50 pm

Steel maiden,

I like you, though we haven't met. Many here seem to think you really WANT to be a man, and basically cast aside all of your feminine side. Maybe it would help if you pointed us to that characteristic site. I mean men are SUPPOSEDLY aggressive, without feeling, into sports, good at math, thinking about sex every second, etc.... Well, that doesn't describe ME AT ALL! Yet I am clearly male. The male/female role has changed a LOT! Males have gone into some traditionally female roles, and vice/versa.

I think autism or AS DOES cloud things a bit. For example, I am somewhat of a loner. That means fewer things can influence my desire for sex. The way that I process information, etc... may limit my agression. The lack of ability socially and clumbsiness DOES limit my interest in sports. As for math and feeling? I think those are false impressions.

sirtlan
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21 Sep 2008, 9:12 am

It just wants to say, for the people who are talking about sexual orientation, liking guys or girls - that has nothing to do with what the OP is talking about. Sexual orientation, the gender you are attracted to, and gender identity, the gender you see yourself as/feel yourself to be are two completely separate issues. A female-to-male transsexual can be attracted to men, ie gay, just as a male-to-female transsexual can be attracted to women and a lesbian.

2ukenkerl
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21 Sep 2008, 9:31 am

sirtlan wrote:

Frankly, judging by my impression the time I first saw her post, I figure:

1. She is probably attractive.
2. She has edgy tastes.
3. She describes herself as having a female figure, which even some females lack!
4. She has male interests/talents.
5. The lack of female interests/talents, and social skills, leave her outside of the circle of females she knows, but in with males.

My interests were always a bit too far from the pack, so I never really fit in enough with either. I guess I know a bit how she feels. If I had female interests, I might have felt like I should have been born a female. I DO love women though. She never mentioned what HER preference was.

If she doesn't SERIOUSLY hate her current body, and love girls, it would be stupid to just switch.

sirtlan
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21 Sep 2008, 9:35 am

2ukenkerl wrote:

A transsexual does not need to hate their body or be attracted to the opposite sex. Knowing that you are the other gender is reason enough to change. Maybe the OP is genderqueer, or is female, or is trans. That is for them and them alone to say. It is guessing you have not had much experience with transsexuals? If you did, you would know better than to say that you need to "SERIOUSLY hate" your body and love the opposite sex to go through with changing your body.

SteelMaiden
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21 Sep 2008, 3:11 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:

Well, more and more women are fighting like that also. And, unless you are taking steroids, you probably still look feminine even if you are strong. But you are LIGHT! At least according to your profile. Like 86 pounds!?!? WOW!

I weighed 86 pounds when I was physically ill. I now weigh 115 pounds. I have bulked up a bit since then. I am planning to bulk up my biceps a bit when I go to uni by doing heavy weights in the gym.

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SteelMaiden
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21 Sep 2008, 3:13 pm

PunkyKat wrote:

I know what you mean. When I was younger I always wanted to be a boy instead of a girl. Manily because my mother would force me to wear dresses and girly cloathing. I was always told I needed to be more feminine. Girls would gasp about how I didn't mind getting dirty. I never played with dolls or had any desire too. I LOVED to go outside and look for insects. I was not scared by touching worms or bugs. It's not so bad as an adlut because my parents can't tell me what to wear anymore. I just can't relate to other women and their problems. I've always related better to men. I never wear woman's cloating but then I wear what would be considered gender nutral cloathing.

Wow you are so much like me it is amazing. I never played with dolls and I am a cross-country runner; I love getting covered in mud as well as the running. I used to collect insects and worms. I always shop in the men's/boys' section in shops.

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SteelMaiden
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21 Sep 2008, 3:18 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

What's your sexuality? are you sexually attracted to males or females? That's an important point that you didn't mention.

I noticed too that you are showing your msn address on your profile , females usually hide them :lol:

lol.

I actually have a boyfriend but we have no sexual interest in each other, we just love each other dearly.

I have never ever looked at a man and thought "wow he's sexy", I have never had sexual feelings in my life and I'm nearly 19. I don't have any drive to have sex nor do I find anyone a "turn-on".

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SteelMaiden
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21 Sep 2008, 3:20 pm

Amitiel wrote:

I hope this doesn't upset or offend, but I thought you were a male,
bit dumb of me really, considering your name.

Anyway, you are one of my more favourite posters. Your posts have substance.

Thank you for the compliment, much appreciated. If you want my e-mail address to discuss things, its [email protected] .
I often come across as being male; you are defintely not the first person to mistake me.

Actually I have had people in the past ask me if I am male or female because they couldn't tell from my appearance!

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2ukenkerl
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21 Sep 2008, 3:28 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

PunkyKat wrote:

Well, I wasn't a cross country runner, though I COULD run well and fast if I wanted. I didn't LOVE getting covered in mud, but I was otherwise the same. FUNNY! I try to generally not touch bugs anymore, though I am fine with many of them, and DID raise some praying mantises like pets in junior high. BTW my MOTHER was a bit of a tomboy(from the standpoint of being athletic, etc...) I didn't ask her if SHE collected bugs, etc...

And I didn't mean anything by saying how light you were.

SteelMaiden
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21 Sep 2008, 3:32 pm

Shastania wrote:

Everything that SteelMaden has just said, I agree with 100% for I feel exactly the same way.
Why, only earlier today, I told my mother that were it not for the fact I'd like to start a family sometime in the not-too-distent future, I'd get a full hysterectomy as I hated the anaemia, mood swings and general suckiness of getting periods.

That aside, I too have expressed apprehension over expectations of being "feminine".
When I wear a dress or make-up or when I have to shave my legs in order to wear said dress, I feel as though I am perpetuating a lie- "This is not who I am" in other words. I feel like a child playing dress up in their mother's clothing box and it makes me very uncomfortable to wear stereotypical "woman" clothing.

Granted, in the last number of years, I've been trying to make an effort to embrace the gender I was born into but it hasn't been easy.
When I first cut my hair short (going from shoulder lenght to a pixie crop), my brother called me a "dyke" and told me I looked like a man.

My mother sometimes expresses passive-aggressive annoyance and disappointment over the fact that I'm not GIRLY but she's come to terms with the fact that I am a "tomboy".

I once told her I was bisexual when I was 15 and she staunchly said: "No, you're not bisexual. It's just a phase." and left it like that. Nowadays, I realise I am androynous and bi-curious though I sometimes lean towards my own gender.

Yet despite this, I also like men. Talk about confusion!

Even so, there is nothing wrong in being androynous. The important factor is that you are happy, healthy and full of life. People object because maybe they can't understand or they are under the pretense of working on outdated gender-specific stereotypes but that is their opinion and it is not neccessarily the right one.

Live your life how YOU and YOU ALONE want to live it. After all, it's YOUR life.

I am going to university soon, so I will be away from the wrath of my Mother trying to make me a "woman" as she puts it.

I don't want to have children, ever, I hate children, so I am strongly considering to go to my GP and beg for a full hysterectomy. Only problem is that she will say "no" as she will think its my mental illness talking. So I would have to go private and I can't afford that. I hate periods, so damn uncomfortable. I once stopped having periods for a year because of some medication I was taking, and I loved it. Now I wish my current medication would raise my prolactin levels and cause me to stop having periods again.

I actually like my hair long, but then I think boys with long hair look better for some reason.

My Mother may never come to terms with the fact that I am a tomboy, but I don't care as I'm leaving home for 8 weeks!

My Mother tells me that "muscles are not feminine" and that "skinny legs are feminine". I have very muscular legs (if you cut my thigh, you would see a layer of skin and a miniscule amount of fat, and then a thick layer of pure muscle surrounding the bone) and when I go to uni and get access to the gym, I will start lifting heavy weights. I can do 60 press-ups on one leg.

I just hate the way femininity is defined. I am all against femininity, I want to have muscles, I want to run knee-deep in mud, I don't want to go bloody clothes/shoe shoppping (my absolute nightmare).

Ok I'm getting on a rant now, but I hate clothes/shoe shopping! I already have sandals, trainers and boots, I don't need any more bloody shoes Mother! I have a wardrobe fulll of clothes, I don't need any more!

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anna-banana
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21 Sep 2008, 3:50 pm

I can relate a bit- I get along with men much better that with women, I have an extremely "male" brain and I didn't care much about gender issues till my early teens. I often strike people as behaving slightly "male", especially in a heated discussion when all girls just shut up and avoid conflict whereas I always argue my point, sometimes probably a bit too agressively.

I do enjoy wearing feminine clothes though, I love wearing slight make-up and I change my hairstyle a lot. I enjoy things like mud-masks, pedicure and some other "girly" stuff. plus, I am strongly attracted to men.

I guess I just have a brain of a homosexual male ;p

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2ukenkerl
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21 Sep 2008, 3:55 pm

anna-banana wrote:

I DON'T KNOW.... You sound more like a woman that has some traditionally male thinking. To think that a woman is a woman that thinks a bit like a male is easier than to think that she is a cross dressing homosexual that thinks more like a male.

2ukenkerl
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21 Sep 2008, 4:04 pm

SteelMaiden wrote:

Shastania wrote:

DON'T get a full hysterectomy! You WILL hate it. They DO make drugs that can give you the benefits without the problems.

SteelMaiden wrote:

I actually like my hair long, but then I think boys with long hair look better for some reason.

My Mother may never come to terms with the fact that I am a tomboy, but I don't care as I'm leaving home for 8 weeks!

My Mother tells me that "muscles are not feminine" and that "skinny legs are feminine". I have very muscular legs (if you cut my thigh, you would see a layer of skin and a miniscule amount of fat, and then a thick layer of pure muscle surrounding the bone) and when I go to uni and get access to the gym, I will start lifting heavy weights. I can do 60 press-ups on one leg.

Just out of curiousity, how much weight?

And SOME muscle IS feminine. Women USUALLY have smoother muscle that is more feminine anyway. Of course, it can be more prominent on the legs.

ButchCoolidge
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21 Sep 2008, 4:04 pm

Interestingly, I have had the opposite experience - that of wishing I had been born female at times. But, I'm sure if I were female I would have some of the same feelings in the opposite direction. Think about all of the wonderful things that come with being a woman... the biggest by far is that you get to bear children. This is something I will never be able to experience, and it is one of the greatest experiences, if not the greatest, possible for a sentient being.

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