NT mum trying to change me

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Mum often says very hurtful things and does have a go at me she can be very verbally abusive. Sure i talk about my cat, prisons etc a lot but I cant help it thats how aspies are and I thought I was asking her how her trip went I made the effort but it apparently wasnt good enough.

In some ways, I've had people feel that if I did this or did that my life would be more productive as, I'd have more friends on a social level and would not seemingly be alone not merely in the physical sense but, in the emotional manner too. Honestly, I'd seemingly wish others could understand and not try to make such gestures or attempts at alteration of my being..

I've been through the same thing, my parents and my sister(whom I sometimes refer to as my 3rd parent), have often tried to change me by forcing me to go through the motions of so called "normal" behavior. It never worked and all that happened was I became more miserable and my sister became a worse dictator than she already was.

I was so glad when I finally moved out then I could just pick my own activities and do my own thing without having to worry about anyone else. It was nice to not have to go anywhere or do anything I didn't like, or if I thought a great Saturday night was ordering pizza and watching science fiction TV or playing on my computer.

They always tried to force me to do what she did, go where she went, etc., when I wanted to stay inside. I never understood why she just couldn't do her thing and I do what I want to do. It was great when she moved out and I finally had my freedom. My parents never said anything about my behavior when she was gone, only when she was around. I never quite understood that. It shouldn't have mattered if she was there or not, she should be doing her thing and I mine, but my parents didn't see it that way.

These days, I have a very understanding spouse who accepts me as I am, quirks and all.

Mum was at it again today saying that I "brought it upon myself" referring to an incident recently at work where they decided it was better I was supervised. I used to work in a Bookshop/Plant Nursary on Thursday, Friday and Sunday (now Tuesday) my direct supervisor Greg is only there on Weekdays on Sunday I am supervised by a woman Lena from the cafe (we are a gardens with a Bookshop, Nursary, gradens and cafe). We employ people with disabilities. Anyway today is fathers day in Australia and my mum and step-dad came to see my work for the first time and to have a fathers day breakfast.

Greg had said to me previously when my parents were there I could leave a note in the bookstore saying to pay for books in the cafe and I could sit down and have breakfast with my parents as well as show the the nursary, gardens and bookstore. I did that but did keep going into the bookstore to check things were ok and stayed to serve customers if there were any there at the time. Also mum spent a long time in the bookstore with me looking at books, buying and giving me tips on how to better run the shop. However later on Lena (who i have had a previous run in with) came up to me accusing me of not working. I tried to explain to her that Greg had said it was a special occasion and that it was ok to put the note and to have breakfast etc whilst my family were there, she claims he would have meant that I could only take my normal half hour lunvh break and no more. If he did he did not spell it out to me and as I said to Lena given my condition he needed to. She claimed I was using my condition as an "excuse" that I found hurtful.

I told Greg my side of the story but in hindsight maybe didn't convey it strongly enough. He now says that he wants me to work on Tuesday, Thurs and Fri instead of Sunday so I can be "properly supervised". I was kinda upset about it because he was being a little mean about my mum and the things she did to make the books etc better saying he didn't agree with most of it. He changed a lot of it. I agree mum can be controlling but I kinda feel that he shouldnt say that. I also feel that what was I supposed to do when she and John was there to see my work? He also said I shouldnt tell my fellow worker Glen that he hadnt done the dusting and can he do it next time he works. I hate the hierachy system NTs have in place as an aspie I dont know or even observe that kind of system. I feel if you have an issue with someone or how they are doing it tell them politely.

Mum often throws things like this back in my face and it hurts. It really feels like she will never get me and she doesnt understand how hurtful her words can be.

You sound like me, running to make everyone happy and then being blamed by them all for anything that goes wrong. You end up getting a bad rep because everyone keeps hearing negative stuff about you from the others, without realizing all this bad stuff is being said about you because it's easier for everyone to blame you than to deal with the things that go wrong. It's easier because you're quick to take responsibility for what others do wrong.

Greg should've informed Lena that he'd given you a special permission. He did something wrong. However, YOU got blamed.
Your mom shouldn't have moved things in your workplace. That's seriously wrong. However, YOU got blamed, even by her.

You should stop thinking you're responsible for so much of what's happening around you, and learn to separate what is your responsibility from what isn't. People tend to blame (and punish) those quicker to take the blame, not those who are really to blame. Problem is, employees who are too quick to take blame are also quickly believed to be to blame, and quickly fired.

I admit I was guilty of talking about things nobody wanted to hear about. I knew it was wrong, and that it would be more adaptive socially to talk about the things others wanted to hear, but I didn't know how to relate at that level. Things are a lot better now. I keep my interests mostly to myself.