Being highly verbal, yet unable to articulate feelings

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chocoholic
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01 Oct 2008, 6:24 pm

Wow, I never knew this was such a common thing. I thought I was the only one. Thank you for all your replies. :)



ducasse
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01 Oct 2008, 6:28 pm

i can jabber on for ages about stuff that interests me, but emotional stuff, i just don't know how to bring it up no matter how much i might want to, or even when it's appropriate to bring it up. & when i do bring stuff up people are usually surprised, in that they had no idea some particular thing was bothering me. it used to baffle me how people apparently couldn't notice when i was angry or miserable. & if i'm specifically asked about something that is bothering me my mind goes completely blank. i basically need to have a prepared script for any subjects i think might come up, or that i feel i need to talk about.



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01 Oct 2008, 9:18 pm

Well, if you know you're frustrated, pissed off, or upset and you can replay the events that caused it in your mind, you're pretty much set. Just describe a little bit about what happened as if you're giving a plot summary or review of a movie you just saw. For example, you might say, "I'm frustrated because at work my boss gave me more work to do even though I still have not finished the last assignment and traffic was bad on the way home on top of it." There you go; you've related.



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25 Feb 2011, 12:51 pm

But how can one not express the feelings? Nearly every time you say something, there is more or less an expression of a feeling mixed into what you say. I express my feelings all the time, in fact I express them more than anything.

Sometimes I find it hard to express negative feelings, but not because I don't know how. It's because often people will just say, ''oh stop whining!'' or something rude like that, instead of just giving me a chance and listening to me. So now I just find myself expressing positive feelings, which can be boring and not very good because people start to think that you take crap from anybody.
I don't understand how people describe people on the spectrum being ''misunderstanding of other people's feelings'' when I found that NTs are just as bad, if not worse.


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25 Feb 2011, 1:05 pm

Wolves have always represented the inner, hidden, and often animalistic side of humans in most western cultures. It is why werewolfs etc are so prevelant in western folklore. It isn't a surprise that aspies would see the wolf as a metaphor for their issues.



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25 Feb 2011, 5:57 pm

You aren't alone in feeling this way. For me, it is one of the most intense frustrations that I know of. Want to watch me stammer? Just say those three magic words, "How are you?"

Best of luck to you,


Joe



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25 Feb 2011, 6:11 pm

Well, I sure try like hell to express my feelings. And I warn people it may not come out right and to give me a chance to explain anything that sounds weird. Most do. Except my husband. The biggest stumbling block I have is 'truth versus honesty'. Someone asks me a question I have this nearly overwhelming urge to tell the truth, even if I can now identify that 'the truth' would be painful or not really what the person wants to hear. I usually try to give them a version of the truth, to stay true to myself, but often even that goes badly. If expressing your feelings were as cut and dried as some one asks and you give a answer - then we wouldn't have a problem. Even the simplest questions are loaded with motives and subconscious baggage.

I let other people unload their emotions on me all the time. It works out well becasue I don't internalize others feelings. I don't talk about mine and others rarely ask. The hubby can be my biggest nightmare.



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27 Feb 2011, 10:40 pm

I can relate. I have good verbal skills and a large vocabulary but there are some things that I just can't seem to attach appropriate words to, and emotions that are complicated or mixed present the biggest challenge.

Lately I've been struggling with intense emotions that I can't describe properly except with visual analogues that other people often don't understand. (All I can say about how I feel currently, for example, is that "It's like my head is a centrifuge--and nothing has separated out and settled to the top or bottom yet.") It's very frustrating, and adds more difficult feelings to the ones I have already.



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28 Feb 2011, 1:16 am

mac266 wrote:
-JR wrote:
...how many times I've been asked what's wrong when nothing's wrong...


HOLY CRAP I HATE THAT!! ! It's a constant for me. I hear it at least 3 times a day.


strongly agree, I hate that crap too. It happens all the time.



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28 Feb 2011, 1:22 am

Joe90 wrote:
But how can one not express the feelings? Nearly every time you say something, there is more or less an expression of a feeling mixed into what you say. I express my feelings all the time, in fact I express them more than anything.
...
I don't understand how people describe people on the spectrum being ''misunderstanding of other people's feelings'' when I found that NTs are just as bad, if not worse.


Perhaps you would like to meet me. I am described as "robotic", I have a monotone voice and I have a heck of a time trying to understand my feelings, let alone express them. I usually will say I'm okay, if asked. Sometimes I feel "good" or "bad" or perhaps "stressed" but I don't know why.



jackbus01
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28 Feb 2011, 1:26 am

NeantHumain wrote:
Well, if you know you're frustrated, pissed off, or upset and you can replay the events that caused it in your mind, you're pretty much set. Just describe a little bit about what happened as if you're giving a plot summary or review of a movie you just saw. For example, you might say, "I'm frustrated because at work my boss gave me more work to do even though I still have not finished the last assignment and traffic was bad on the way home on top of it." There you go; you've related.


and what if you truly aren't sure why you are upset and can't relate it to a specific event, then what?



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28 Feb 2011, 1:44 am

I have your problem OP. It becomes a skill. The more you work at it the easier it becomes.



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28 Feb 2011, 9:16 am

Yes, I am the same way. I don't articulate myself well at all. People think I am an idiot and naive, but I am actually quite good at writing (or so I've been told).

I don't do the touchy-feely stuff either, even in greeting cards. I still give my parents humorous cards for Father's Day or Mother's Day. I can't physically say "I love you" to them though of course I feel it. In this case I can't put it in writing either, in a card or otherwise, because it makes the whole thing just feel trite and meaningless.

My mom's favorite actress is Meryl Streep so, for one of her birthdays, I bought her all of Meryl's important films and gave them to her as a package. I thought that was a good way of showing my mom I loved her.


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04 Mar 2011, 10:28 pm

Gideon wrote:
Wolves have always represented the inner, hidden, and often animalistic side of humans in most western cultures. It is why werewolfs etc are so prevelant in western folklore. It isn't a surprise that aspies would see the wolf as a metaphor for their issues.


Hence my name is Lobo Rojo (red wolf)


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04 Mar 2011, 10:58 pm

chocoholic wrote:
I have an interesting paradox and I was wondering if anyone else experienced this. I am very high functioning, I work in customer service and can interact with customers and people I work with pretty well, I'm currently dating someone, I can hold spirited discussions and even debates with people that I'm close with, and speak very well about things I'm knowledgable about.

But here's the paradox. Even though I'm high functioning in all these areas, oftentimes I have difficulty expressing the simplest of feelings. Sometimes I may have a bad day, or be scared, nervous, or worried about something, and I really feel I need to express it, but I don't have just the right words to convey what I'm feeling and why. Sometimes all I'm able to do is replay the video of what happened in my mind, trying to find something there that will help me articulate my feelings, yet this doesn't work very well for me as videos and other visual images can only do so much because they don't show the feelings that are in someone's gut. There's no image or object that you can correlate your feelings with, so the feelings often just sit and fester, and there have been times when I've reached a breaking point.

Has anyone else experienced a similar paradox, being high functioning with good verbal ability, yet have difficulty expressing simple feelings?


You just described me to a tee. There are times when I can't even speak at all when I am emotional, because I just can't come up with any words. When it comes to facts and just "regular" speech, I am highly verbal, above average in verbal ability. Before I was diagnosed, I had no idea what that was about.

~Kate


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05 Mar 2011, 9:15 am

Ya I was just saying this to my husband that day. I'm pretty good at talking, but describing my thoughts and feelings is not easy. My feelings are too complicated to be accurately described by words. It's like trying to fit a 3-D thing into a 2-D space. I really don't think human languages are complex enough to be precise.