Not talking = withdrawn?

Page 2 of 2 [ 28 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

sartresue
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism

02 Oct 2008, 9:49 am

anna-banana wrote:

I always participated in class discussions. they weren't really discussions though, more like my monologues :wink:

Speechified topic

Yup.

_________________
Radiant Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind

Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory

NOT a believer of Mystic Woo-Woo

lionesss
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Aug 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,305
Location: not anywhere near you

02 Oct 2008, 9:52 am

I never used to participate in class and I always did my own thing during family functions like my son does. I let him do his own thing because I understand how uncomfortable family functions can be. I still hate them but... I force myself to get involved (unless I know they are shutting me out) And yes, I was told that I was withdrawn.

_________________
Come chat about the mystical side and everyday part of life on http://esotericden.proboards.com -The Esoteric Den!! !

Sora
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,906
Location: Europe

02 Oct 2008, 10:28 am

Well... I didn't want to talk about that...

Pretty much everyone missed the point of my topic...

JWRed wrote:

What 99.9% of people on this board don't realize is that not talking and communicating with others is being withdrawn.

No talking, no verbal response does not equate to not communicating!

That's what I was writing about.

_________________
Autism + ADHD
______
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett

ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,428

02 Oct 2008, 10:35 am

One of the things that made me doubt my partner when she suggested I had AS was that I did very well at my first school, and had no memories of feeling left out. But I read later that it can go that way. Nonetheless I pondered a lot about why I'd done so well, and came up with this:

My father had taught me my letters and numbers before I went to school. We played it like a game with flash cards. I don't think anybody else at that school had that. It's amazing what a good start can do for a kid. It's not hard to put up your hand and speak if you're the only one there who knows the answer. The teacher took a liking to me because I got the work right while the others were struggling. And I saw how the slow learners were castigated. The world loves a winner. The school had a policy of keeping us with the same class teacher for the first 3 years. Learning was done slowly, carefully and methodically. Everything was explained "as if to a child." The firm but kind disciplinary limits were just what I needed. We weren't tested on sharing or social participation, academic performance as individuals was everything. Quiet was what the teachers expected.

But the second and third schools, and college, were a different story. QED, to educate a person you need to match the demands to that person, you need to just look. The school has a duty to participate in the child, if you like, rather than it being the other way round.

ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,428

02 Oct 2008, 12:11 pm

Sora wrote:

Well... I didn't want to talk about that...

Pretty much everyone missed the point of my topic...

JWRed wrote:

What 99.9% of people on this board don't realize is that not talking and communicating with others is being withdrawn.

No talking, no verbal response does not equate to not communicating!

That's what I was writing about.

Sorry, your post didn't appear here till I'd posted my last one :oops:

I expect I was off topic - I do that sometimes.

LabPet
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,389
Location: Canada

02 Oct 2008, 4:08 pm

Sora - Yes. And quite often. Maybe what you're experiencing is the 'Aspie Pause.' Yes, there really such a thing as Aspie Pause. Mostly means you're processing thoughts whilst the one who is expecting your prompt verbal is waiting, waiting, waiting...then the other one interprets this delay time as (1) You just don't understand (which is not necessarily true at all)! (2) Not paying attention (3) Some version of "Autist just doesn't care."

Frustrating, yes?

In the Haven please look at the new Sticky, "Special Silent Forum." This is precisely what you're saying!

There are plenty of (partly) mute / NV Autists (such as Lab Pet here) who have special needs due to communication differences and implications. This is why I started the Special Silent Forum (Haven).

_________________
The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown

mysterious_misfit
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 353

02 Oct 2008, 4:43 pm

Sora wrote:

Today I realised my former teachers would have meant THAT when they said I didn't deserve a better grade for social cooperation.

It is wrong to grade children at all. What is the point? To tell kids how much they suck?

Biogeek
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 28 Aug 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 60

02 Oct 2008, 7:06 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:

I felt left out and was angry when they said that as if it was my choice.

Good grief, I'm still getting this, and I'm well over forty years old. We have a large middle-schoolesque clique at my workplace, and my boss remarked once that if I "chose not to join, I would be making life hard on myself" or some such thing. I responded, "CHOOSE to join? Oh no, no, I don't choose anything. It's not up to me." Weird that he thought it was. Unlike me, he's usually socially astute, and a really nice guy too.

ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,428

03 Oct 2008, 4:51 am

Biogeek wrote:

...my boss remarked once that if I "chose not to join, I would be making life hard on myself" or some such thing. I responded, "CHOOSE to join? Oh no, no, I don't choose anything. It's not up to me."

I almost never speak at meetings and avoid them whenever possible. I don't compete for airtime, most people do. It's well known in left-wing and alternativist circles that a meeting needs a facilitator to make sure everybody gets a decent chance to speak. But that would be democratic, and it's much easier for competitive types to just ignore those not disposed to pushing in. The nicest people do this all the time, as blind to their elitism as some people are to their racism or sexism. The cultural norm is to exclude noncompetitive people and to assume they exclude themselves. It doesn't take a second to say "what do you think?"

matsuiny2004
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,152

03 Oct 2008, 4:57 pm

Sora wrote:

Has anyone been called withdrawn and untouchable for not answering when prompted to talk about something or when asked a question? Even though you were not withdrawn but paid attention actually?

Today I realised my former teachers would have meant THAT when they said I didn't deserve a better grade for social cooperation. That often I didn't answer when being asked a question and that I'd stop in the middle of talking.

I think that it is plain wrong to assume that a lack of verbal response automatically means a person is withdrawn and does not participate in whatever is going on.

Edit: To clarify: I was not talking about being quiet or not paying attention in class. I intended to write about how a lack of verbal response should not be equated to being withdrawn and being declared as uncommunicative.

Totally mute people aren't uncommunicative just because they can't talk either, are they?

nothing wrong with the preference. It is common among introvertsm which is a trait that has a genetic predisposition.

_________________
A person that does not think he has problems already has one-Me

surveys are scientific, they have numbers in them- me (satire)

Sora
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,906
Location: Europe

04 Oct 2008, 7:19 am

LabPet wrote:

In the Haven please look at the new Sticky, "Special Silent Forum." This is precisely what you're saying!

There are plenty of (partly) mute / NV Autists (such as Lab Pet here) who have special needs due to communication differences and implications. This is why I started the Special Silent Forum (Haven).

I always tend to forget the Special Silent Forum, thanks for pointing it out.

matsuiny2004 wrote:

nothing wrong with the preference. It is common among introvertsm which is a trait that has a genetic predisposition.

I'm extroverted though. I draw energy from socialising in an ADHD-and ASD-friendly environment and I like getting in touch with people, questioning them.

In those situation that may teachers meant, I did choose to not say anything, I just could not. Many people do not seem to consider other means of communication as communication. You can point at the answer and they'll later say 'I didn't see you pointing. or 'how would I know it's relevant to what I asked?'

_________________
Autism + ADHD
______
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett

kleodimus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Feb 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 636
Location: eternal darkness

04 Oct 2008, 10:38 am

withdrawn, crazy or eccentric etc i got a friggin dictionary of insults i have been called

Page 2 of 2 [ 28 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Not talking = withdrawn? Post Reply New Topic

Not talking = withdrawn?