Asperger's: it's all how you view it

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I am just here to say you can have friends and a life and find some happiness and have AS if that is what you want.
I have stated this before, this friend I had who was "NT" told me

"everyone reads from the same social script except no one gave you a copy"

that's the kind of stuff we have to put up with as Aspies but everyone has to put up with some kind of bs. No one gets a BS free life and if your life was perfect would you really enjoy it?

I know what frustration is like, it has caused me to distance myself from friends for no other reason than I didn't feel comfortable around them because I thought not only were we not on the same page, we weren't even reading the same book to begin with.

Strange.

I read the article, and was feeling really good and happy and proud.

I read the responses to this thread, and the pride went.

Obviously you are referring to my post.

I didn't mean to make you feel bad.

Bashing this disorder is my way of taking out my frustrations with having AS.

I'm finding myself agreeing more with Orwell and Ana (please forgive me shortening the name - I never remember how many o's to add in there and at what point they are capitalized!) than with JWRed. Yeah, people with AS face problems, socially and otherwise. But hey, so do other parts of society, and surely their contributions are still worthwhile enough to prove that their existences are more useful than not. I can't go back and change what I was born as, so I might as well make myself a niche in this world however I can, and I'm sure there is a way. I don't think that the approach should be that it's all happy sunshine and rainbows 24/7 so what the hell is the problem with some people, but rather that there is hope, and we shouldn't let people tell us we're incapable of stuff unless we find it to be true for ourselves.

Besides, what would be the point in life of having a partner who was unwilling to explore the deeper side of life, who only wanted to live for momentary pleasures rather than find anything more? If the choice is between having a romantic partner and finding purpose and truth, and there's no way possible to have both, then the partner wouldn't be worth the time of day. I know the question was for Orwell, but let me answer as well and say that until both love and truth are possible simultaneously, the latter will win out.

In terms of the happiness vs. truth vs. survival "meaning of life" sort of debate - I've never been of the ignorance is bliss school of thought. As far as I'm concerned, the more I know about the world and myself, the more I can know about what is good and bad for me, and what will make me the best and most happy person I can be. It won't be easy at times, but in the end it will have been worthwhile, because I will have thought about what I want and how to get it rather than just grabbing at whatever seemed good at the time. On the survival issue - I've been pretty close to the not-surviving side of things many times before, and I have to say, I'd HOPE there is more reason for my continued existence than that. It seems so pointless to have come through it all if that's all there was to begin with. Survival is a necessary component of fulfilling one's purpose, whatever it might be, but hardly the end-all-be-all. I think I'll just borrow my dad's philosophy here for a minute and say that if you've left the world a better place than you entered it, you've lived a full and worthy life.

I pluralised. Wasn't just your post.

I'm not sure if I have quite put my finger on the details, but there appear to be some correlations flying around notions about AS and disability, that to me do not make good sense.

There seems to be some assumed (in the minds of some posters) correlation between disability/ability unhappiness/happiness and devaluation as a person/valuation as a person.

In my mind there is nothing implausible about a happy, valued disabled person, but some of the posts here seem (to my interpretation) to rely on some concept that disabled cannot describe someone who can also be described as both happy and valuable.

I think a person who cannot detect sound can be happy and valuable, but they are dis-abled (they are not able to detect sound where this is an ability that typically functioning members of their species all have). When I see posts that indicate AS is not a disability because people with AS can be valuable, happy and have other positive attributes, I wonder if the person concerned really holds the dismal view of the disabled and disability that is implied (by assertions that one is not disabled because they can be either happy or valued or both). Is every (or indeed any) person who cannot detect sound both consistently miserable and without value? I do not think so.

^ I did not explicitly claim that Asperger's is not a disability, though I don't think it is. I was responding to specific comments that AS makes life miserable. It doesn't.

For me, being an aspie is a mixed bag of blessings and curses.
The article incorrectly assumes NT kids will accept Aspie kids into their social groups. This rarely happens even in the adult world. The thesis of the article needs to be completely re-accomplished. This time using interactions that happen in reality instead of the fantasy world of the authors mind.

It's a choice. We can choose to navel gaze about how hard life is or make the best of it with what we have got and have as much fun as we can doing it. This is not a rehearsal and I'll be damned it I'm going to hold myself back because I happened to have been born with a form of social dyslexia that some people consider to be a disability. I really only struggle in the wrong environments or around ignorant people.

I have had great joy and pain along the way and yet the older I get the more I realise how hard life is for NT's too. We don't need a cure - we need to educate the masses that different ways of thinking are good.

^ The authors were attempting to be positive about Asperger's, rather than the constant stream of negativity that is typically seen from psychologists. They overdid it, to be sure, but they do have a valid point in that AS isn't all bad.

I'll have to say I agree with you. Life is hard for everyone, and just because we all hold a specific set of setbacks doesn't mean we can't live and enjoy life.

And there are people out there who have contributed to society who have AS! Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Mozart, these are just a few... we certainly don't have to live a meaningless existence holed up in a corner, if anything, the opposite is true. On top of this, technology has progressed in our favor, which has given jobs to a number of people with ASD's. Also, I'm not saying that everyone is, but most people are getting to understand Asperger's better as it is becoming more well-known (I'll have to partially credit Craig Nichols and Heather Kuzmich for publicizing their experiences with AS). You think I'm wrong? I just saw a clip from a news show about how, in an American middle school, all the kids in this class are working with one of their classmates, who has AS, in assisting him in improving his social skills. One of the girls was interviewed about it and was completely earnest about helping him. Now, I wouldn't want to personally be the boy in that class because I don't know how I would feel about my condition being publicized in that manner, but if this isn't improvement, then I don't know what is.

Orwell, if you see this I'm just curious. Do you let people know you have AS? I mean, if it's such a great thing then why can't we tell just anyone we have it and be accepted for it? If your life as an Aspie is that great then I would think you would be proud to let people know you have it and make them jealous.

Heh - like I said over in the "are you good at math":

Disability? Naaaaah. I'm twice exceptional.

Yes, I am open about my place on the autistic spectrum. I have yet to receive a negative response about it. Most people aren't "jealous" so much as vaguely curious, and I never said being an Aspie is better than being NT. I am happy with who I am and do not wish to change. Aspies are neither better nor worse than NTs, simply different. We have a different set of strengths and weaknesses, and I try to play to my strengths.

My husband I came 'out' as Aspies a few months ago in New Zealand. We are quite well known as digital media experts on radio & TV and run a 3D & media company called Mohawk Media. We both shine online and have won awards for our work, but struggled when we were based full time in busy offices.

We were both gifted as kids but there was no name or explanation for the other stuff we had to deal with. I almost didn't make it. But I am really glad I did. Life is a wonderful thing if you stop fearing it and enjoy it. We were interviewed by the Listener Magazine just before we found out about Asperger's and in hindsight I can see it so clearly:
http://www.listener.co.nz/issue/3486/fe ... squad.html

Chelfyn and I talked about our Asperger's initially on Kiwi Fm. You can listen to a podcast here: http://theg33kshow.com/aspergers
http://theg33kshow.com/sites/default/fi ... uly.08.mp3

I also do public speaking and the wonderful drama teacher I had as a child would be very proud if she could see me now. I was an international business mentor at two XMedia Labs this year, and you can see me speaking about my career here: http://theg33kshow.com/xmediatv

I'm sharing all this with you to show what a couple of aspies can achieve without knowing they were 'disabled'. I still cry some days when things get extra hard because of sensory issues, or having to do too many out of the house meetings.

But I would not change who or what I am for anything in the world.

Best wishes,

Helen Baxter

P.S. I was also married on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury Festival in 2000. Yes, that crazy pink haired girl on the BBC footage was me

Last edited by MsBehaviour on 09 Oct 2008, 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ok. Thanks for explaining that.