Is my daughter's boyfriend autistic if he.....

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If you've met one autistics person... you've met one autistic person. I can't say what's "typical" of autistics since I haven't met very many, but I have yet to run into an Autie in denial. Also, semantic clarification: autism is not an illness, and referring to it as such is likely to direct some flames in your direction on this site. (WP is VERY pro-neurodiversity, almost to a caricatured level)


Special interests, repetition/routine, and lack of understanding of appropriate social conduct (that adults do not get their pictures taken with Santa) all sound like autistic traits.


Stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (stimming) also an autistic trait.


Attachment to a routine.


Autistics tend to lack the social graces.


Yes, autistics are often taken advantage of.


Yes, autistics marry. Why does every gift have to be jewelry?

It actually would be kind of you to gently point out to him why this behavior is wrong. He may be so innocent and child-like that he has no clue how he should be behaving at his age. Being grabbie around the wrong woman can land a man in jail or at the very least with a fine and a police record.

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One more thing he is extremely trusting of peope to the point that he is being taken advantage of. Example: he has been "working" for a company for the last 4-5 months and he has yet to be paid(remember he is dirt poor plus he had to pay gas to go back and forth to this "job".



Maybe you should talk to him about this? He shouldn't be putting in those hours for four to five months without getting a paycheck. It's not fair.

Fair? it's not even legal!


Some of it sounds familiar, but some is beyond me. I liked marriage so much, I did it twice (not at the same time, tho...

"Sexual odditities: My daughter who is extremely patient and kind tells me they have never consumated their relationship and when questioned he says he is not ready..huh?? Please explain because sometimes he has been inappropriate with me(my daughter does not know)..he has grabbed me several times briefly and I just pretend I didn't know anything happened as does he..is this some kind of tic?? "

say what?? where did he grab you and did you say something to him about it?

Okay, first thing that needs to stop. WE ARE NOT ILL!! !
Do not talk about autism as though we are 'sick' -it's rude and demeaning.

Second, of coarse we marry! We even date and have kids too.

Okay, your daughter's boyfriend may be autsitc. His social oddities seem to fit but you should really talk to a professional.


If he does have autism that should not change how you see him.

Yes. You should have. You can't let him think that you don't mind his inappropriate advances. His mind might work like a child's: "She didn't say no, so it must be okay." This could pan out to other women, if it hasn't already, and then your daughter would most certainly find out. How would she feel? In addition, he says he's not ready and yet you've implied that he and your daughter have been dating for years? Also, he's 43? This would be believable if they're both devout Christians who don't want to engage in premarital sex. If that were the case, I think you would have mentioned it. If your daughter wants to have children, she's only got about ten years on the clock. Timer starts now.

Why are you so tolerant of him? Do you honestly see him and your daughter together forever? This might sound anti-autistic, but don't you have higher standards for your daughter?

Yes, I realize that he's being taken advantage of and yes, I realize that he likely depends alot on both you and your daughter. Yes, I realize it may difficult to say no to him because you're such a nice, compassionate person. However, I think it's time to set your compassion aside and show some disapproval. Have a serious talk with your daughter.

It sure sounds like he is autistic to me. He probably doesn't know that his condition is known as autism. In the 60's and 70's autism was rarely discussed even in professional circles. When I was in school, there was no such thing as I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan), or other such types of special programs. The guy's parents probably have not heard of the word, "autism." A was autistic from birth, and it wasn't until I was three that my mom found out the name for my condition. It has only been in the last 6 years that autism has become a well known word.

Well autism need not be defined as a "problem". But you can't deny that it causes problems, and these problems should be recognized and addressed.

I wouldn't even focus on autism, I'd focus on the individual problems and how to fix them.

My question would be is he REALLY working for this company? Or is it in his mind? Or did he pick up volunteer work and is trying to pan it off that they are not paying him when they aren't suppose to?

If this guy is autistic it seems like he is extremely affected by it and he does have problems that need to be addressed especially before his parents die since he is apparently dependent on others to provide the basics. Honestly it would be good to get him in counseling and for a neuropsych evaluation, but I don't know how you would pull that one off.

OK, I think I have AS... AS is a kind of autism. If you met me, you might even think I was normal. I originally just thought I was shy, hypersensitive, and had idiosyncrasies.

Those are potential obsessions that could qualify.



That's something. I run and pat my arms and run my hands over my hair too much. nobody ever commented on it though.



That's common also. I am similar, though I HATE to put people out, and tend to push myself. If you try to reason with him why you aren't doing it, maybe you can get HIM to do more.



I am similar, though I do NOT touch people like that. Quite the contrary. Again, reason with him.



If his parents live in a trailer, this may all be due to upbringing. Their expectations are likely FAR lower. I won't bother to tell you what I would probably call them, you probably know. But there IS a reason for that term. I was raised in a middle/middle class environment, and my father is like lower/upper class. I am polite and pay my OWN way!



AGAIN, the double T environment would explain that! I AM fussy, and HAVE been blunt, but I haven't generally been THAT blunt.



That goes PAST being trusting. 4-5 months!?



Yep, they do. Did your daughter ever say she liked that? Maybe autistic people just have trouble with such things. I know I do.



Your daughter MUST see SOMETHING in him. Have you asked her?

Have you ever seen the series "My name is earl"? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_name_is_earl I have KNOWN people like that.(Earl, his brother, Joy, etc... all have the same basic mindset, that simply manifests differently) Many are simply NOT worth your time! It has NOTHING to do with income, environment, etc... It is simply that the environment, culture, upbringing act like a disease and affects their morals, expectations, desires, beliefs, etc... They actually believe that anyone making over a certain amount(Often QUITE low) is filthy rich because they are in some special group, etc... Although it has NOTHING to do with race, it is similar to the blacks that believe all whites are doing well and holding blacks down.

And I don't know what kind of money you are talking about. I make several times the national average. A guy like earl would consider me RICH, and place me in the company of Warren Buffet. My father, however, has made 1/2 of what I make in a year in ONE DAY(in just investments) and, although he HAS actually played with warren buffet, he won't be even in the fortune 1000. I don't know how much my father has, but I am sure he DOESN'T have even 1 billion dollars. So rich is certainly very relative. Based on income alone, I would say I am upper/middle class. I am HOPING I can get to lower/upper class in a few years. Of course, wit todays economy, WHO KNOWS?

BTW my apologies to anyone I offended, but the truth is the truth. I am not saying ALL.