Eric sounds like a very interesting character. I have a great deal of trouble small talking to people. The only time I've been comfortable with people, is when I was travelling in countries where they didn't speak english. All of a sudden a simple sentence like - "where do you come from?" can extend over several hours, complete with acrobatics, interesting hand signals and a lot of laughter. My son loves Jackie Chan movies, and I've noticed that a lot of his humerous misunderstandings, are very aspie. It is like coming from another country, where the language, the gestures, the signals are all incomprehensible. You get told one rule, you try to apply it universally, and yet it backfires, because there are hidden rules you haven't had explained to you.
Oops, I've meandered from what I was going to say. That's right - the imitation/mimicking of others. I do it constantly - I do it all the time. I take on accents, mannerisms, gestures etc. without realising it, until I get the stares. I think it's my way of empathising... I've really offended people by doing this. I try hard to stop when I notice it happening. My shrink told me it was echopraxia (kind of a physical echolalia)
Enigma - so much of what you say makes sense to me. When I was about 13 my mum told me she wasn't interested in my life. I took this literally, and never spoke to her about anything of any importance again. It really hurt, but it avoided any confusion. The problem is, I'm 36 now, with a son of my own, and I find myself saying hurtful things without meaning to. All of a sudden I can see where my mother was - she didn't really mean forever and ever - it was just at that moment, because she was having an overload. Somedays I come home, and my son wants stuff, my dogs want stuff, my cat wants stuff, I need to do stuff, and everything spins around, and I find myself saying something thoughtless and cruel. The difference between my mum and myself though, is that I try to stop when I do it, and immediately explain and apologise. My son knows me better than I know myself some days! I'll start snapping and growling at everyone, and he'll tell everyone to leave me alone because I 'need quiet time'. My son is the most precious person in my life, and whenever I catch myself saying these things, I sit down and talk it over with him, and we sort out what might have made me cranky.
I don't think my mum was able to back track on anything she said. I think she has difficulty admitting when she is wrong. I wonder if maybe that is what might be happening with your mum. My boyfriend has moments where he screams at me and wants to know why I can't be normal... but then he remembers all the fun things about not being normal, and pretends he didn't say anything!
I am glad you can share what you are going through with us here.
26 Jul 2004, 2:14 am
