A genuinely useful Aspie trait

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Padium
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03 Jan 2009, 9:43 am

Greentea wrote:

you can't have everything you want and more.

But you can have everything you want, it is just very rare that someone does have everything. The people that do though tend to be very pleased with their life, whether they are poor in money or very wealthy, they are the wealthy at heart.

Edit: I am not one of those, I am currently to lonely to be.

Greentea
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03 Jan 2009, 10:03 am

Greentea wrote:

what is meant is not that you can't have everything you want and more.

You quoted me out of context.

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9CatMom
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03 Jan 2009, 10:15 am

I can't agree with that. My social screwups are very embarrassing to me, particularly since I don't see myself as a stupid person. People say that, generally, I am mature, organized, do well at work and responsible.

Padium
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03 Jan 2009, 12:38 pm

Greentea wrote:

what is meant is not that you can't have everything you want and more.

You quoted me out of context.

Yes, I did quote you out of context... I look at it as rather than moving forward, I moved sideways. I still think it is semi-relavent...

Abangyarudo
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03 Jan 2009, 1:00 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:

Greentea wrote:

We can't have the cake and eat it too. You're either relations-clueless or you're not. We can't control how our Aspieness will make things turn out. Eg: I had a boyfriend once whom all my friends had shown no interest in flirting with because they were aware how very out of their league he was. He was indeed a very special person and astoundingly good-looking. I, being relations clueless as usual, didn't catch he was out of my league and enjoyed a wonderful 2 years with him. I never saw another man as good-looking as him outside a movie screen. People would turn around to look at him on the street and at places we went to.

Greentea

Can you please explain the logic of Have the cake and eat it too? How do NTs make the jump from this phrase to having everything thing you want and more? I understand what NTs are saying but I do not comprehend the leap that they make. In my mind, if I have cake in front of me why wouldn't I eat it? To me, their logic makes no sense but I just grin and bare it and pretend to understand it.

this is kind of amusing since one day my mother got to asking me phrases when I was a teenager. I answered all of them literally so the exchange went like this.

Mom: what does it mean when they say hop on the bus?

Me: uhhhh why would you hop on a bus they have stairs.

Mom: What does it mean when they say you can't have your cake and eat it too?

Me: The whole purpose of the cake is to be eaten its not for decoration.

etc..

I completely missed the signals that my mother was guininely worried. She stayed up all night then called my school psychologist (I was in a school for people with problems due to my depression putting me too far behind for me to go back to regular high school although I still got a diploma from where I should of went) saying how she was so worried I'm taking things too literally. The psychologist asked me all the questions again and then asked if I was joking and I said yes. So when we brought up the phrase thats what I thought of.

cubedemon6073
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03 Jan 2009, 1:03 pm

Greentea wrote:

cube, the grammar of the metaphor has been simplified for "everyday use". The correct wording would have to be: "You can't both have eaten your cake and still have it whole". In my native language (Spanish) we say: "You can't both have your pig whole and the coins in your hand", meaning you can either keep your pig intact or break it to get the coins inside. These metaphors are used to convey those situations that are either-or, where choosing one cancels out the other automatically. We could also say: "You can't both have rain and dry fields." or "You can't have a lit match inside a pail full of water" or whatever you choose...

Now regarding the application of the metaphor: what is meant is not that you can't have everything you want and more. What is meant is that in certain situations, you can't have both situations happening at once. Some people choose one course of action, then complain they didn't get the results of the opposite course of action. This is when others tell them "You can't have the cake and eat it". Eg: you can't both devote every single minute of your work time to your family and home, and become a renowned Science Professor at the same time.

What I meant in my post above is that you can't both be socially lacking in intuition and at the same time have so much social intuition to know when to use your lack of it to your advantage.

Wow, I even misinterperted the application of the metaphor. Greentea, I still have alot to learn. No wonder I'm having major problems socially.

Padium
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03 Jan 2009, 1:05 pm

I use a lot of metaohors, most of which are visual comparisons of things that are not very visual.

Greentea
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03 Jan 2009, 2:12 pm

Sorry, Padium, I had confused you with cubedemon.

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LadyMacbeth
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03 Jan 2009, 2:23 pm

I prefer the ability to review things logically, and the ability to make decisions based on logic rather than emotion. Not that I'm saying all have these.

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Mysty
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03 Jan 2009, 2:26 pm

Padium wrote:

Greentea wrote:

what is meant is not that you can't have everything you want and more.

You quoted me out of context.

Yes, I did quote you out of context... I look at it as rather than moving forward, I moved sideways. I still think it is semi-relavent...

Taking a sentence out of a long paragraph is one thing. Quoting half a sentence is another. You didn't take a full sentence out of context. You quoted only part of a sentence, which is the same as a misquote, because you are saying he or she said something he or she didn't.

Greentea
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03 Jan 2009, 2:44 pm

True. I'd call that bending the rules.

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MsBehaviour
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08 Jan 2009, 5:35 pm

Exhuberance is a wonderful thing. I still bounce when I'm happy like a kid. I was called a "cynical optimist" once which I think is pretty accurate.

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ssenkrad
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08 Jan 2009, 10:17 pm

I don't understand. I'm in college, work full time, and have just as many stresses as any NT, if not more, and they bother me just as much as they would an NT. Am I missing an entire aspect of aspergers?

nettiespaghetti
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08 Jan 2009, 10:20 pm

well....in my case, I think I worry more than NT's. I always feel lost in a huge world, which makes me worry constantly about everything. I'm not the happiest of people despite my efforts.

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Padium
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08 Jan 2009, 10:36 pm

LadyMacbeth wrote:

I prefer the ability to review things logically, and the ability to make decisions based on logic rather than emotion. Not that I'm saying all have these.

I like that as well, I also like what my parents call a black and white attitude to right and wrong.

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08 Jan 2009, 10:55 pm

ssenkrad wrote:

I don't think the idea is that we are always exuberant. It's that we aren't constrainted by being socially correct, so are willing to be and show our exurberance when we have it. At least, that's my take on what I think the idea is. And I do think there's some truth in it. And I do think it can be a good thing. Though I still haven't figured out how it's useful.

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