Is it better for kids with AS to be diagnosed or not??

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As far as the child knowing, I personally didn't know until I was an adult. My nephew knows as a child, and he does try to use it as an excuse for bad behavior; however, my sister tries to never let it be an excuse although she will never understand how impossible it feels at that age to control that temper. I wish I knew what was wrong with me when I hit junior high. I finally, in high school, just told myself I was a genius like Einstein (ironically) and it came with some weird personality quirks. Like, I did naturally have great grades in grade school because I worked on my own pace as it was a Christian School that used Lifepacs. But when i was placed in public schools (in junior high..see a pattern?), my grades slipped even though I knew I was still smart and was learning better than the other kids, and I still scored awefully high on the standardized tests (CTBS tests back then...now Westest?). I first had a superiority complex about being that genius, and then I decided I was smarter but that didn't make me better and that I was basically just different. Then I learn about Aspergers. Now my life makes a little more sense although I preferred the genius self diagnosis. With the onslaught of learning about Aspergers, I no longer expect people to accept me for all my flaws anymore; however, I do feel if I give them the respect of acting a certain way to get along better, they should at least return that respect (which they rarely do). I think knowing about Aspergers has made me work on my flaws better than ever before in my life because I assumed a lot of my things were normal.

In that case, though, I think the important thing is to treat it not as a disorder but as something that is just too different for normal people to absorb. I really see what I do a charity to those who can't accept diverse social behaviors. Like any other charity, it does come back 10 fold when you are more successful as result. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is to make sure your kid knows you love them and are proud of them. I knew my parents loved me, but I often felt they were embarrassed by me, especially when they'd ask me to not talk and sit quietly or I couldn't go somewhere with them type thing. My parents were both overly critical on me, so I often failed on purpose because it was too overwhelming. Basically, it depresses me, and I get self destructive when I'm depressed. My mom is a firm believer in being the nurturing parent to Aspergers children; however, she tends to forget that I'm still her child and still Aspergers. But always approach your child out of your nuturing parent. I do think this is more important than whether or not the child knows his/her diagnosis.

As for the school, teachers are going to label kids irregardless, so letting them know only helps them label a little bit more accurate. Otherwise, they may swear your kid is ADHD and needs medical attention. But you still need to be cautious about what it placed on the school's record. My friend's kid was diagnosed once with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, but when the meds didn't work, they decided he was just grieving over his baby sister's death (duh, that's what I was saying since day 1). Anyway, she did let the school know at the time. Years later, he switched schools, and during a parent teacher conference, the teachers said, "I see your son is ADD." My friend was like "where does it say that?" This is all after they argued whether or not he was ADD as the teacher was stuck on that idea. THen the teacher showed her in the file from the previous school, and my friend said, "That's an O, not an A. He's ODD, and even then, the doctor realized it was a misdiagnosis" and then she explained about his sister's death. Five minutes later, the teacher would say something like, "Well, that's the ADD in him." She still thinks he's ADD. How some of these people are capable of obtaining licensure is beyond me.

Anyway, I think it is wise to register only because it will help you get what you need out of your school. My sister requires a great deal out of the principal and teachers of her kids' school, and she refuses to switch him schools by his request because of all the help and support she gets from the faculty. She even said on one occasion, he threw this aweful tantrum because of a bad social situation and he wanted to go home. The principal called my sister and informed her of the situation but explained she'd rather him not go home and offered her office as a screaming and kicking room. He calmed down and went back to class. But, I personally think, especially in the grade school age group, that a Christian school that allows the learning at your own pace is best for a kid like that because he does find his classes boring on occasion. HOwever, while it is also good at teaching kids to be able to teach themselves, it is lousy at forcing social environments on the child as there isn't really a teacher as much as a babysitter. But, those social environments should not be forced on a child whose parents are not working with their child to learn those social skills. Its not that we are incapable of them, but that we have to learn them the way most people learn mathematics.

But all this really is my advice right now because I have a two year old I believe is Aspergers, but it's still a little too early to know for sure. Either way, I can't tell you what I will end up doing at that time she hits school, whether she's Aspie or not. It's one thing to say, when my kid is old enough or when I have kids, this is what I would do. It's another thing to actually decide to follow that same advice as a lot of times, application of the advice will often show how lousy it was. Sorry so long. I'd edit, but as a slave to my family, I have to jump off here and service them.

I've had a similar experience in childhood.
I speculate that my label may have actually made some children scared to socialise with me. Perhaps if they hadn't known they would have been more sympathetic. Labels were viewed as more negative back when I was younger though.

I benefitted a lot from having to work things out for myself at High School. I had to work things out independently and take responsibility for myself. I benefitted from not being mollycoddled. I excelled as a result and did better than most "normal" kids. In a supportive and inclusive environment with a low population and strong ethos that doesn't want to label, that's great.

In an overcrowded, open plan chatty environment with no clear rules, with frequent compulsory group-work and high social expectations: ouch.

I've experienced both kinds of environments.

It really depends on the environment and the attitudes of people in that environment.

I posted my nuanced thoughts on the question in your other thread.

Here ... I want to suggest, that you are looking for a black and white solution to the question that does not exist. My AS husband hates making decisions on gray area topics, where he has to consider nuance and possibilities. But in a situation like this, you can't avoid it. The right answer depends on knowing the child and the school, and none of us have a solid clue about either. But you do. You can't allow what others found best for themselves to guide you here, although their reasons may help you in your analysis. I know, your AS makes you want to construct this into a statistic or something else rational and scientific, but that just cannot be done.

The only answer I could conscientiously vote for does not exist in your poll; the one that says, "it depends."

Just FYI, if you really really need that statistic, my time on these boards tells me that it is generally better to have the diagnosis than not to, but that is far from a universal conclusion.

Just replying on this particular thread...

Back in my day, the only children that were openly acknowledged as "special needs" were the mentally ret*d children. Nowadays, more and more children are being labeled as "special", and the stigma has NOT gone away. Not in the slightest.

My mother works with a woman who has an 11 year old son with AS, and in his middle school, he is in a special class for other kids with AS. I'm not even going to dance around it; they're treated like crap. The school even went so far as to cancel their ENTIRE lunch program, when the parents of these AS children rallied together and pushed for their kids to be included in it. But the school REFUSED to serve them lunch. Just because they didn't want to deal with the "disabled" kids. My mother tells me how this woman told her about all of the struggles that she goes through with the school all the time, to make sure that her son is treated as an equal.

My mother is very grateful that she never had to fight the school on anything. Because I *wasn't* a "disabled kid". I was a "smart, well behaved, if socially awkward kid".

I'M very grateful that I was never treated like that. I don't know how I would have coped. Sure, in elementary and middle school some of the kids were rather hard on me. But I didn't let it get to me, because I knew that I was smarter than them. But if the *teachers* had labeled me as a lost cause, then I don't know how I would have turned out. If I was officially diagnosed at age 8 or so and lumped in with the intellectually disabled children, then the students may have been less hard on me. But certainly not out of RESPECT, but out of PITY. I would have had no enemies, but CERTAINLY no friends.

If anything, age 20/21 was the BEST time for me to find out about AS.

Back to your question, if his AS is mild enough to not cause big problems (as in, he is harming himself or others) and he doesn't have any learning disabilities, then I would avoid pigeon-holing him in one of these special ed programs. It could have serious consequences later on.

Problem is, the school seems to have already made up it's mind. You may have to consider switching if they persist.

IMO with any issue AS or whatever it is you should get diagnosed IMO in childhood age so then you grow to understand your behavior instead of being a 22 year old AKA ME (trying to make since of my behavior from the past etc.) I think it's more shocking as an adult then it would be for a child.

I think alot depends on how you treat the diagnosis in your own home. At my house, it was never a crime to be weird. Being weird myself, I can't really penalize anyone! We have always approached the diagnosis as a label to get services that are desperately in need now that we are in teen years and moving on to adulthood.

So, I think there is a way to approach it, and a way not to. Should there be a national registry? I don't know. We don't have one here in the US, but the whole thing does smack of X-Men and finding the weirdos, if you know what I mean.

I guess I would think of it as a way to get much needed services that are short in supply and far and few between.