Not knowing your whole life VS Knowing at an early age +/-s

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It would have improved my life drastically beginning in kindergarten/elementary school if I had known that I am on the spectrum.

I'd not have failed and kicked out of school early, repeated a grade, wouldn't have this mass of disciplinary actions against me of all the schools and I would have been able to get a better education. Get better grades that would have been at least somewhat connected to my IQ and abilities.

I'd also have better relationships with people if they had known about what was 'wrong' with me.

I was a plain obviously different kid that nobody understood and thus nobody sent to a professional/put a label on - I say 'thank God!'. Nobody would have diagnose me with autism, as obvious as it was when I was a kid - I was verbal and if somebody could manage to engage me, I answered back and I looked intelligent!

Knowing that I am autistic was the first step to improving my non-existent social life and various weaknesses.

I don't know whether this is chance, a matter of which traits one has or a matter of severity of individual symptoms.

But I didn't know how to approach others.
I couldn't get in contact with them.
I didn't know anything about what I had possibly done wrong.
I didn't know anything about how I was different before I got my diagnosis.

And that's just the social part. No mention of the 'you do weird things' and 'you talk funny' and 'you cannot do what is normal' and so.

I tried hard, real hard, but it just didn't work because I didn't know that not answering people, staring into space, walking away or towards random folks would not get me in contact with anyone. I didn't know I needed routines, I seriously didn't know anything.

How could I have known without knowing I was autistic though?

I was raised in an entirely non-special-ed environment and I was unable to get in contact with peers despite that I am verbal. (You'd think that guarantees some contact that teaches you to at least say 'hi' and 'thank you' and such, but in truth it doesn't.)

From my teens on I slowly realised there was something mightily wrong with me. But I didn't know what - I had only understood about that mechanism called 'social rejection' then - and so I didn't know how to 'fix' it.

Yes, I agree that maybe some people give up if they have a nice comfortable reason to do just that. But that's because of how they are or because of their situation that they can or cannot escape - it's not the fault of being aware of the mere fact. It's different for each person how that knowledge influences their future life.

found out at 46 last year. my life has been hell. amazed i did not kill myself. wouldn't change any of it. no regrets. it is what it is.
also wouldn't want to repeat a life of not knowing.


BUT:
Glad i am not some cushioned and pimply youth who has had everything handed to them on a platter (including a computer screen) just because they have AS. at least i got out there and was forced to live and have some weird adventures along the way.

(however, a teeny weeeny bit of suport along my way might have been nice.)

Maybe that is the biggest difference between those who would like to be 'cured' and those who are happy being the way they are. From what I have seen the ones who are 'happy' are the ones who realized they were strange early on without a diagnosis and as a result had to get some gravel under their skin so to speak when they were growing up the hard way. Those who were diagnosed early and have been treated with special care seem to be those who don't want to be strange anymore.

Excellent topic!

I think I may have been one that caved and just gave up trying had I known as a child. At the same time I may not have developed the intense social anxiety I did had I known WHY I was different. I'm in my 30s and have been aware of the possibility that I"m AS for about a year. I'm still trying to decide if an official diagnosis is in my best interests going forward. . .

As to the obsession thing. I hate the word but use it since NT's do. To me my obsessions are 'projects' that occupy my time. Obsessions as they are customarily described are something that I actually have no experience with.

In reading all these responses, it's hard for me to figure out where I fit here, so I'll just say what I feel.

Basically, it's all individual. Someone who wants to give up will give up whether they're Dxed at 5 or 50. Plus, being Dxed early is only a good thing if you have a good support system.

I was Dxed at 50. If I'd been Dxed when I was a child (pretending for a moment that the Dx existed), my parents would have gone into total flipped out denial. How could their perfect child have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder? How could two such perfect parents have an autistic child? I mean, they were embarrassed because my teeth weren't straight. So, I'm very glad all this didn't come up then or it would have been hell. If anyone in the school system had tried to intervene on my behalf, my parents would have taken me out of school altogether. School was the only place that actually *worked* for me. So, I'm glad I wasn't Dxed back then.

Has my life been difficult because I didn't know I've been an Aspie from birth? Yes, very. Do I feel like I've wasted 50 years of my life? No, I don't. Sure, I made some bad decisions, meaning that, in hindsight, I might have made different choices. I grieve that. But all those "bad" decisions got me to where I am this very minute, with all you nice people, and a husband who loves me no matter what, and the coolest kid in the world who loves me no matter what, and some good friends who didn't faint when I told them about my Dx. So in a sense, age 50 was the perfect time to find out. I have all the support I need and then some.

As for the younger people having a cushier time of it: Nonsense. They still get bullied, they still get ostracized, they still put up with all the crap we did. Given all this, the supports they get are wonderful. There's nothing wrong with getting help if you need it. I always had a drive to fulfill my purpose on this earth, and having someone tell me when I was younger that I didn't have to be on sensory overload every minute of every day would not have interfered with it. The same is true for anyone with a sense of purpose.

The truth is, it's perfectly easy to get psyched out and give up no matter when you're diagnosed. I can say that because I've had days when I've felt very psyched out, days that I've felt, why bother trying to improve myself or be of use? I have this sensory processing deficit and I'll never connect to most people in the way I've always wanted to, so just stay home and be depressed. Go ahead. Who will care?

But I pull myself out of these moods and I keep going down the road because my heart is bigger than the interesting sensory processing system that houses it. This can be true for anyone, at any age.