Can you turn on and off emotions?

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At about 7 years old I acted in a way that might have looked similar. I can't and couldn't turn my emotions on or off but when I noticed that my mother was sad or worried because I was, I faked to be happy(convincingly) because I couldn't bear that my mother was sad because of me.

I do know what it is like to suppress your emotions, I did it for many years as well. I started during childhood when I was forbidden to have any "negative" emotions. I wasn't allowed to be unhappy, to get upset, to get angry, or anything of that nature. If I did, my parents would launch into long screaming tyrades about how those things would destroy my life doing everything from getting be thrown out of schools, jobs, losing friends, losing homes, and any other disaster they could dream up. They said I needed to smile and be happy all the time and that my life would amount to absolutely nothing if I didn't get rid of all of those negative emotions.

I learned that in order to suppress one side, I had to suppress the other, so even if my anger stayed inside, my happiness did too. I basically found I couldn't be thrilled about something or laugh at something funny, or anything like that. It was basically all or nothing. This became such a habit it continued on into adulthood. I'm glad I lived alone because what I often had to do was lock myself in my apartment, condo, etc. and just let loose. Sometimes the emotions would just come out at random or as a response to some stimulus. Having emotions was something I learned to do in secret. Sometimes I'd break things, pound on things, or even hurt myself just to get the emotions out.

Although I've gotten better and am letting my emotions out again, I still have a way to go in learning to express negative emotions in a healthy way. Sometimes after showing anger, I still panic, with my heart racing, skin gets cold/clammy, etc., but I am getting better.

What finally made me realize what my problem was ironically, was an episode of "Nanny 911" when Nanny Deb told a parent "How is she supposed to learn to deal with her emotions if they are always suppressed?" I knew then that was my problem.

Of course, I had a brother and a sister who often got angry and had violent fits of breaking things, door slamming, etc., yet nothing was ever said to them. In fact with my sister, if she ran to her room and slammed a door, they usually gave in to her. Never understood my parents' love of double standards.

I would be so sad if he did that. I don't want him to supress his emotions like that for me. It's so much better to express them, and I can't help him if I don't know what is wrong. When the playground incident happened, that's what I thought. He didn't want to tell me what happened because I would be upset (he did tell me this after much probing) so I know part could have been that, but then the Dog incident was totally different.

Thank you all for your insight. Please keep talking

I think a switch is a very apt metaphor for me re emotions.

I am an aspie who is very 'hot-wired' emotionally.................the poet in me craves emotional intensity and in front of a beautiful piece of art (religious art) will openly cry, but I have the great ability to stop any form expression of emotion if I have to, and very convincingly too.

I feel I have a very poor 'regulator' with regarding my general emotional state. A bit like being hypo sensitive and then switching hyper sensitive.....i feel I am often cruse-ing down easy street, and before I know it I am beset with crippling OCD, which often is MY alarm system, that tells me to look at my emotions and tend to them. A bit like going out into the freezing winter dressed with hardly nothing on, and feeling fine, to then out of nowhere freaking out and running into the warm.

The problem (for me - and I think for other Aspies) is that our emotions come too strong - which causes undesirable reactions from the neuro-typical people around us. It may be good on some level to let our emotions out, but it is often very bad in the immediate situation.

The best advice that I can offer, is what my mother did for me - wait until the emotion has passed & then ask your son what is wrong. I can't speak for him, but in my case, when the emotion had overtaken me, it was the only thing in my world - it was not possible to express myself verbally until after I had calmed down.

Not easy but I ignore them and block them out and pretend they aren't there and that is how I move on and get over it. Staying mad at someone does get tiring so that's a sign right there I want to move on. Doesn't mean I have to talk to that person or like them. Sometimes I give them another chance when they are nice to me and I wonder what the heck? It has happened in my school. I can remember one girl was snotty to me and called me stupid and the next year she was all nice and friendly with me acting like nothing has never happened between us. My mother suggested she probably was having a bad day and she doesn't even remember and she is older now and kids change.
So I let that one slide and I liked her again. She did a couple things later in life that pissed me off. Terrible teens I call it.

As a kid because I could move on so easily by the next day, kids could hurt me again and again because I was so naive and trusting and didn't understand people. My friends would hurt me and the next day I'd be all happy and again and jolly and not be mad at them anymore. Everyday was a new day for me. But unfortunately it didn't mean it was a new day for them because they would still be mad at me sometimes and I would think tomorrow they be happy again. In third grade, I hope kids would like me and be nice to me everyday but nope they be mean to me again and I would think next day they will be nice. But I didn't know it got to me because in 4th grade and 5th and 6th grade I didn't want to be around those punks. I just didn't trust them.
As a kid if I had a bad day in school, I would come home and be over it. When mom would talk to me about what hurt my feelings, I would be over it and act like it never happened. But when puberty came, I got real emotional and it was real hard for me to move on so my mom took me to a therapist.

Now I am trying to go back to my old ways but know I need to draw the line or else I am talking to people who don't treat me with respect and they can insult me again and again on IM and I never dump them.


Here is a funny story, I remember I was 14 or 15 and I was upset about something. I was crying and then my mother comes home and she shows me something she got me and all of a sudden, I stop crying and I am happy. My mom said all she needed to do was show me it to cheer me up and I was happy just like that. I don't even remember what the item was, pair of socks I think.

Thank You...I did figure out that with some things with him, to wait until later. Sometimes he still won't tell me. He just says he's OK so I don't press him. The dog incident happened 2 days ago, so I bought a really nice book about dog heaven, because I didn't really explain fully that the dog died, just that he was somewhere we couldn't go. This also came totally out of the blue and I wasn't prepared for that conversation. It just amazed me that he recovered so instantly from that expression of sadness. He was so very sad and he missed his dog, and he just wouldn't accept that we couldn't bring him home.