*I Think That Life Is Not For Me*

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Attempted suicide is against the law. Suicide itself is perfectly legal, although it is illegal to influence someone towards suicide. If you commit suicide, you are not breaking any laws, provided you die. And by you, I mean the hypothetical person that doesn't really exist. If you do not die from your suicide, that is against the law, and you will just end up suffering more. Suicide in itself is never worth it, and although I have contemplated it in the past, my reasoning not to has always been "the only worse this could get would be to end my chances of it getting better." If someone commits suicide, he cannot get better, and enjoy life anymore. so that in itself makes it n unbearable thought. Plus, who knows exactly what lay beyond death, it could be much worse than whatever a person could go through now, I don't think anyone has ever came back to show us exactly what lies beyond our living world. Although I will say I am Christian, and that has influenced my beliefs as to what lies beyond death. I wond never commit suicide no matter how bad life became, because there is a good chance that it will get better. It also seems from what I have read that between 17-25 it isnt that uncommon for ASDers to have such feelings of depression. That age group is not exact, but it is late teens to mid twenties or something like that. Life is worth living, even if it isn't at the moment, it will be later, you just have to get to that later. I had the worst Christmas ever this year simply cause nothing about it pleased me. But I also know that not every year will be like that. I just need a bigger social group and that is my problem. It also seems to be a common problem with other ASDers.

"organization" ... I was really confused the first time someone said to me "you're British?" ... umm... no... "you used British spelling in your software" ... "I did?" ... "Yeah, Americans spell organisation with a z"... but even in an American dictionary, "organisation" is given as a valid spelling... But for whatever reason people pitch a fuss about it. ARGH!

That seems pretty young to me... as far as final destinations go... I remember reading somewhere that the average life span for the baby boomers is supposed to be over 100 as a result of the continuing advances in medical tech. I'm not opposed to the idea of people choosing to leave on their own terms, particularly as they get older and the physical/health quality of life degrades considerably, but technological progress also accelerates, so medical intervention improves at a rate that increases every year due to the development of new kinds of polymers, etc. There is now work on a new kind of drug delivery for cancer patients that uses a nano-sized packet that specifically seeks out just the cancer cells and delivers its drug payload in that location only (instead of shot-gunning the whole body with it). It's hard to know what will be available in terms of medical tech in another 10 years.

It is not that easy... It's very hard for me as I don't understand a single thing about humans...

I know its not easy, I can't do it myself. I figuree though, if I can get one NT friend, who is willing to drag me around with him/her, I will meet some people, and not be so bad off.... Problem is, how do I make so much as one friend...

I have felt that life is not for me since I was a small child and I think it is somewhat permanant fixture of AS. I think I will always walk alone and nearly always have some form of suicidal thoughts. Interestingly my dad was the same and died of alcholism at aged 57.

I think the answer is to take one day at a time and read as much as you can about self love and happiness. I found the author Susan Jeffers (author of feel the fear and do it anyway) very helpful and I also got a lot of strength from Viktor Frankl. I feel especially bad after any social interaction so limiting these really helps.

I think it all stems from being some what of a perfectionist and always failing socially. Also waiting for others aproval to be able to like myself. I thought getting a diagnosis would enable me to feel better about my self and be more compassionate toward my self but it only led to me feeling worse and more inadequate and more self consious of not getting caught out. I dont feel part of any group and make poor relationships with people, life is a very painful process for me.

Im sorry that was not very cheering but at least you know others feel the same

((hugs))

As challenging as it may sound, I think numbers may be your friend there... the more people you force yourself to meet, I think the better your odds become. Sure it means facing a lot of rejection, but maybe if you accept that up-front, that will help you steel yourself against the experience.

And not all of the friends you do make will be NT either. An older friend of mine that I've known for many years is fairly AS himself although he's not diagnosed. A younger friend of mine who I met last year or so on deviantART and just had a "gut intuition" that she was a cool person, turned out to be likely AS herself (with a history of it on her father's side of the family). She's also an optimist and although she says she doesn't have a huge number of friends, she's happy with the small group of friends she has. I think being an optimist (which she inherited from her mother) helped her a lot in that department, because she consistently put herself out there to meet people with an expectation that it would result in making friends.

So if you put yourself out there and 19 people reject you, but you hit it off with 1 person, then you'll have achieved your goal.

Yes, I understand it very well, I feel just the same...

I am afraid of rejection, because it is what I've been experiancing through all my life. True, I meet few people who seemed to be my friends, but as they got to know me a bit better they were always abandoning me, because I was too weird for them and too eccentric... I've never met an understanding person who would fully tolerate not only my advantages but also disadvantages... And it's sad. That is why I think I will be alone for all my life... Alone among humans.

I know it isn't a real good consolation, but you do have the people here, its not what I'm looking for either, but in the mean time it does help alot.

I have felt that way at times, too, but I do love life. I have my cats, I have my friends at the Siamese cat site and I have a job I love.

all that you can be is alive. you are nothing if you do not live. to place a value on your life is to look a gift horse in the mouth. very lucky you are to be "alive" (astronomically lucky).

life is what you feel and if youir aim is to feel nothing then death is the answer.

i want to feel pain much more than nothingness.

if you feel notthing, then you do not feel at all. it is an aneasthesia of concern.


i want to keep feeling with my incorrect senses as long as i live.

hi- i feel exactly the same.
trying to understand people is like trying to speak with my head in a bucket of jelly, or something. its just- oh- the whole different language thing. for me, a/s is being imprisioned in my body; touch, vibrations, smells, noise, light confuse, upset, terrify me. my thoughts are erratic..... i do understand.

since a/s is pretty different with each person who has it, its hard to advise.
even when im happy, i know its just denial- that im just repressing the vapidness of my life for a while. its always there, beneath whatever pimary thoughts i have going on.
i feel exactly the same as you- things are unfathomable, and i see no future; being alive feels like im being rubbed in tender places with coarse sandpaper....
obviously, i realise this is zero help at all, but at least other people feel the same way, which is sometimes comforting to know, esp when you feel alone.

try calling the national autistic helpline- they are BRILLIANTLY helpful, and may he able to help you find a local group. do you speak to any other aspies? i saw that teenage aspie book today- (below your age- 14 year olds, perhaps) but its still quite good; 'freaks geeks' etc.
good luck.....